resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Default)
A co-worker of mine recently, for no reason anyone has been able to identify, lost four hours of his life with a brief bout of what they call Transient Global Amnesia.

He can't tell me anything about what it was like, because he says it was like a bubble: while he was inside it, he apparently couldn't remember anything outside it; once he was out of it, he couldn't remember any of it happening at all.

His wife tells him he was very sweet and loving while it was happening, and in a very docile way cooperated with everything she asked him to do and believed everything she told him -- with one exception: he refused to believe her when she told him how old he was. He wasn't sure how old he actually was, but, damn it, he was quite sure he wasn't 68!
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Default)
A new mural is going up on the wall of a running-supplies store I pass on my way to work. It's going up very slowly, which may have something to do with the fact that it never stops raining omg. So for about a week there was only a parchment-looking background, and then for a while there were three pairs of roughly outlined running legs. Then some of the musculature was roughed in, and then running shorts were added (allowing us to tell that the runners were two men and one woman).

And then one day one of the legs had been painted out and a prosthesis had been added instead.
resonant: Rodney McKay: My mind and welcome to it (My mind and welcome to it)
I've long contended that spam contains a philosophy -- that you can look at it and gather what impossible dreams people are dreaming. Our world's philosopher's stone and fountain of youth seem to be larger penises, money for nothing, easy weight loss, and reliable Microsoft Windows.

I wasn't aware until I started working in a church that churches get their own kind of spam. (For one thing, in our version of the Nigerian scam, the person who needs help getting her husband's money out of the country is the widow of a pastor.)

The top three impossible desires of churches, based on the spam index:

1. A redesigned website.
2. Cheap health insurance for part-time employees.
3. Recruit volunteers with the click of a mouse!

Fatherhood

Sep. 19th, 2009 08:25 pm
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Snape overheard)
A recent conversation reminded me of a strange pattern in my friendships, which I'll discuss further under the cut. But first, a poll:

Edited to add: When I say "an addiction," I mean other than tobacco.

Poll #1296 Fatherhood
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 248


I am ...

View Answers

45-up
42 (16.9%)

25-45
174 (70.2%)

under 25
32 (12.9%)

For a significant portion of my childhood, my father was ...

View Answers

Married to or living with my mother
201 (81.0%)

Not married to or living with my mother
48 (19.4%)

Dead
7 (2.8%)

Other, which I might or might not comment on below
9 (3.6%)

For a significant portion of my childhood, my father ...

View Answers

Had an addiction that was not satisfactorily treated
40 (46.5%)

Had a mental illness that was not satisfactorily treated
33 (38.4%)

Was completely absent from my life
28 (32.6%)

Was abusive to me or others in my family
26 (30.2%)

My father was ...

View Answers

A great dad
93 (37.5%)

A pretty good dad
92 (37.1%)

A so-so dad
39 (15.7%)

A nonentity as a dad
24 (9.7%)

A brute
13 (5.2%)

Absent or dead
14 (5.6%)

Other
16 (6.5%)



Read more... )
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Default)
I feel funny reading Georgette Heyer books with my slash glasses on, since the hero and the heroine usually suit one another better than either of them suits anybody else in the book. (In fact, they often seem to be the only two sane people in the book's universe.)

Having said that, I just finished re-reading The Unknown Ajax, and it's hard to avoid having my mind filled with scenes like this:


"Oh, my," breathed Vincent.

"Nay, lad," Hugo expostulated. "'Tis only proportional!"
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Head exploded)
So suppose you could do anything you liked, anything at all, and know that you couldn't do harm to anyone, including yourself, or suffer any negative consequences. (Think of it as a personal reset button, if you like.)

What would you do?




This question went around my old job for a while, and I was always very surprised at the answers I got. The Tech Goddess said, "It would involve a police car and a mall with a big glass window." The spouse said, "LSD."

Me myself, I don't have a lot of violent desires that I'm aware of, and I dream so vividly that the idea of an acid trip bores me, and I already drive as if I lived in a virtual world. Give me a reset button and I'd have a lot of sex, with a lot of variety in the areas of gender and number, and I would do a lot of nonviolent looting.

Maybe I'd throw some watermelons off of freeway overpasses.



Now: what would your favorite characters do?

(Yes, I'm bored; how did you guess?)
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Default)
The grade school near our house has a notice on its sign this week: "Family Math Night! April 15!"

Because, hey, Mom and Dad are swearing at their math that night, so why not the whole family?
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Head exploded)
This morning at the gym I was reading a Bill Buford New Yorker article about chocolate. (I don't know how I'd ever keep up with the New Yorker if I couldn't read it on the elliptical machine.) Buford interviews chocolatier Frederick Schilling, and Schilling takes him to Bahia to meet cacao farmer Diego Badaró.

Cast of characters: Schilling comes across as feverishly intense and kind of a nutcase; Badaró never uses a full sentence when one word will do, drives scary fast, and gives me a sort of Ronon vibe. Schilling's not bad looking, in a semi-shaven slacker sort of way, and Badaró is flat-out hot. (You can see a not-great photo of them here; the one in the issue was more of a close-up.) I have no idea what Buford looks like, which is probably a mercy.

Anyhow, the more time we spend on the cacao plantation, the more personal and physical the prose gets. (This may be because Buford is doing stuff like chewing toxic wild tobacco leaves and eating cacao beans in large quantities while Badaró says, "It will make you alert," and I'm picturing him smirking the way Ronon does when the crazy Milky Way people put things in their mouths without asking questions about them.)

a long quote, a short comment )
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Head exploded)
A conservative, hawkish, and suspiciously clean-cut young man won the primary here for Republican candidate for Congress. Today as I was dreamily staring out the window, I saw a yard sign with his name on it, and I thought: "I should Google him to find out when he'll be propositioning a male undercover cop in a public restroom."

Like, for that split second, it seriously seemed completely plausible to me that it ought to be possible to Google for things that haven't happened yet.

I mean, think of the repercussions! If I GoogleFuture a book that hasn't been written yet and pass off parts of it as my own, is that plagiarism? If I GoogleFuture things I actually wrote (only not yet), could I find out what fandom I'll be in ten years from now?

If I GoogleFuture myself and find my obituary, would I be better off looking at the date or not?
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (My mind)
You know what somebody ought to invent? A commuter train (or, better yet, bus) with a gym in it. Get on, work out, take a shower, get off at work.

You know what else somebody ought to invent? A way to recapture the energy people put out while working out. That way, the commuter bus could run on human effort instead of gasoline!

And maybe then somebody could install an energy-capture elliptical machine in my living room, and tell me I couldn't use the computer till I'd generated enough energy to run it.
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Primp)
Google continues to demonstrate (but not explain) the mysteries of the human mind.

Type "short haircuts for girls" and you get, as you might expect, short haircuts for girls (though they're defining 'girls' as 'young women,' which makes it less helpful in my search for a cute look for my 7-year-old). But type "short hairstyles for girls," and most of the hits are porn sites.

Who goes looking for porn with the word 'hairstyle'? I ask you.

Also, I don't suppose any of y'all actually have photos or drawings of cute short hairstyles for girls?
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Fraser tongue)
I've finished going through my aunt's books. Here's a statistical breakdown:

Total books: 46
Titles containing the word 'fire': 6
Titles containing weather words ('wind,' 'storm,' and so on): 7
Title that covers both bases: Winds of Fury, Winds of Fire
Titles containing the name of a British estate: 5
Silliest estate name: Wyndespelle
Titles consisting only of a woman's first name: 8
Chances that the author's name will be even more overwrought than the heroine's: about 50/50
Most overwrought author names: Gimone, Ariadne, Aola

There should be Romance Novel Cover Bingo.

Cleavage would be in the Free spot, of course, since even if you open the book and find the heroine lamenting her flat-chestedness, on the cover she'll always be courting lower-back pain.

Castle ... ship ... horse ... full moon ... cloak ... Stonehenge ... flames ... Bingo!

Now I've finished listing the books, and caught up on all the reading I missed while I had the Russian death cold, and I'm bored. Almost bored enough to read gen. Almost bored enough to go to bed early. Almost bored enough to write, even. But not quite.
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Default)
My aunt sent me two big bags of old historical romances. She says I can throw them away, sell them, whatever I want. I have no idea why she didn't sell them herself. Can't be that much more difficult than taking them across two states to give them to my parents, who then brough them across five states to me.

I'm sitting here with my dust mask on (because the dust and mold in these old books was wreaking havoc on my already troubled sinuses), checking these old books one by one to see of there's any point in selling any of them on Amazon. (The verdict so far: twelve No, two Yes.)

The covers are hilarious, because while what constitutes a "beautiful, romantic woman" has changed surprisingly little since the late seventies (the chief difference seems to be that back then they had straight hair), what constitutes a "handsome, rugged man" has changed a lot. These guys, with their long shaggy or curly hair and their hip sideburns -- how can I really be expected to accept them as lairds or buccaneers when clearly they're nothing but Playboy subscribers?
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Default)
Today I saw a guy trying to pull-start a gas-powered leaf-blower, while talking on a cell phone. "What are you doing?" "Trying to start this leaf-blower. What are you doing?" "Running over a blind pedestrian."

Also, randomly, it occurred to me while driving today that we've got a recognizable one-handed sign for "Fuck you," but none for either "Thank you" or "I'm sorry." Tells you something about us.
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Harry eyes)
And today's Typo Hall of Fame:

in the long ron.
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Default)
Typo hall of fame: Self-pimposed.

Also, in my search for good tofu dishes, I discovered that this is heaven. )

Uh, no.

Mar. 22nd, 2004 08:26 pm
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Grammarwank)
Also, today I encountered a HP sex scene in which the writer evidently meant "bollocks," but what she actually wrote was "bullocks."

It's quite a limber man who can have not just one but two bullocks between his legs.

[edited because a grammar geek needs a grammar geek icon]
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Ray grin)
I like to read the Wanted To Buy/Trade section of the classifieds, because it's full of stories. (One time I saw a guy who had a used snowblower and wanted to trade it for a Rottweiler.)

This morning I found this ad:

Wanted: Verbal Advantage or other vocabulary blinding systems.

Spam

Nov. 12th, 2003 02:40 pm
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Default)
Spam subject line of the day: "I made my wife scream like a teenage slut!"

(I'll bet he installed a T1 line for her.)

Spam

Aug. 7th, 2003 11:52 am
resonant: Brian from The Breakfast Club: Demented and sad, but social (Default)
Today's best spam "From" name: Herkenratt.

I'm going to be saying that all day long. Herkenratt. It sounds like a cat hacking up a hairball. It would make a terrific oath. "Herkenratt!" she cries as she stubs her toe on the piano leg again.

(German-speakers? Does it actually mean anything funny? Or does it just sound funny in English?)

Week's best spam subject line: "Do you love me?"

[livejournal.com profile] laurakaye: Just what we need. Codependant spammers.
resonant: Needy spammers! As if I don't have enough demands on me as it is!
[livejournal.com profile] julad: neurotic spammers with low self esteem
Julad: this place is going down to hell, i tell you
LauraKaye: Herbal viagra! Make millions at home! All I do is give and give! What about MY needs?
LauraKaye: The least you could do is look at my webcam!

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