Fatherhood
Sep. 19th, 2009 08:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
resonantA recent conversation reminded me of a strange pattern in my friendships, which I'll discuss further under the cut. But first, a poll:
Edited to add: When I say "an addiction," I mean other than tobacco.
I was talking to the mother of one of the kidlet's friends -- someone I feel a sort of unexplored kinship to, the way you do with some people for reasons you can't quite explain -- and she mentioned that her father had been suffering from untreated bipolar disorder throughout her childhood.
I haven't really explored this pattern in a while, but when I was in college, I counted up all the people that I felt closest to, and all of them, growing up, had had fathers who were either dead, addicted to something, mentally ill, or absent in a really profound way, far beyond what was becoming normal with divorce.
My father is still alive, still married to my mother, and quite a lot like me. He was about as active as fathers were in those days; he's a pretty good dad. So it isn't that I'm seeking out people whose experiences are like mine.
I said to my college roommate, "I wonder why I'm choosing all these radically fatherless people," and she said, "Maybe we're choosing you."
So I'm wondering what the pattern might be in this community.
Edited to add: When I say "an addiction," I mean other than tobacco.
Poll #1296 Fatherhood
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 248
I am ...
For a significant portion of my childhood, my father was ...
View Answers
Married to or living with my mother
201 (81.0%)
Not married to or living with my mother
48 (19.4%)
Dead
7 (2.8%)
Other, which I might or might not comment on below
9 (3.6%)
For a significant portion of my childhood, my father ...
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Had an addiction that was not satisfactorily treated
40 (46.5%)
Had a mental illness that was not satisfactorily treated
33 (38.4%)
Was completely absent from my life
28 (32.6%)
Was abusive to me or others in my family
26 (30.2%)
My father was ...
View Answers
A great dad
93 (37.5%)
A pretty good dad
92 (37.1%)
A so-so dad
39 (15.7%)
A nonentity as a dad
24 (9.7%)
A brute
13 (5.2%)
Absent or dead
14 (5.6%)
Other
16 (6.5%)
I was talking to the mother of one of the kidlet's friends -- someone I feel a sort of unexplored kinship to, the way you do with some people for reasons you can't quite explain -- and she mentioned that her father had been suffering from untreated bipolar disorder throughout her childhood.
I haven't really explored this pattern in a while, but when I was in college, I counted up all the people that I felt closest to, and all of them, growing up, had had fathers who were either dead, addicted to something, mentally ill, or absent in a really profound way, far beyond what was becoming normal with divorce.
My father is still alive, still married to my mother, and quite a lot like me. He was about as active as fathers were in those days; he's a pretty good dad. So it isn't that I'm seeking out people whose experiences are like mine.
I said to my college roommate, "I wonder why I'm choosing all these radically fatherless people," and she said, "Maybe we're choosing you."
So I'm wondering what the pattern might be in this community.
(no subject)
Date: 9/20/09 02:02 am (UTC)For a significant portion of my childhood, my father was having joint custody of me. Until my mother became too ill (she had ms) I spent one week with her and the next with my father and so on. That arrangement began when I was six months old and continued until I was about 13. Then I lived with my father full time. My parents where never living together as a couple.
I didn't answer question three. A none of the above option would've been nice.