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Overheard and overseen
Me: They've canceled Ash Wednesday services because of the bad weather.
Spouse: They don't want people to return to dust sooner than necessary?
'Plummet' is not a word you want to hear in your weather forecast.
I learned that early in the restaurant business. Never pay more than three bucks for anything you wear to work.
Soap is good. Soap is cheaper than soup.
Kidlet: If you run over Carmen and she's dead, can I have her head?
Girls, about twelve, at the skating rink:
You won't buy me a real green dress?
No, because that's cruel.
Oh, God, not you too.
What year are you?
Um ... more than a junior but not quite a senior.
Cute couple in matching glasses at coffee shop:
So why you wanna make me hate you like that?
I, uh, actually didn't know you hated me until you said that.
Choir director: Everybody got a Messiah?
Elderly alto: We really only need one Messiah.
Kidlet: Do you have one more hug for me?
Me: I have an infinite supply of hugs.
Kidlet: Of course, your supply of hugs runs out when you're dead.
[Spouse, when I report this conversation: I was thinking exactly the same thing.]
At the vet:
Me: What's his name?
Other person with cat carrier: His name is cat.tif. And the former owner must have been a computer-lover, because he has a sister named cat.jpg.
Me: OK, I have to ask: Is the sister a lot smaller than he is?
Other person: Yup, she's compressed.
At the coffee shop:
Ma'am, would you warm me up?
No, but I will refill your coffee cup.
Me: Hey, we're not watching the Oscars.
Spouse: Thank God.
Me: You know, one of these days we're going to turn into some kind of hermetically sealed ball of crankiness with no contact with the outside world.
Spouse: Going to turn into?
Spouse: They don't want people to return to dust sooner than necessary?
'Plummet' is not a word you want to hear in your weather forecast.
I learned that early in the restaurant business. Never pay more than three bucks for anything you wear to work.
Soap is good. Soap is cheaper than soup.
Kidlet: If you run over Carmen and she's dead, can I have her head?
Girls, about twelve, at the skating rink:
You won't buy me a real green dress?
No, because that's cruel.
Oh, God, not you too.
What year are you?
Um ... more than a junior but not quite a senior.
Cute couple in matching glasses at coffee shop:
So why you wanna make me hate you like that?
I, uh, actually didn't know you hated me until you said that.
Choir director: Everybody got a Messiah?
Elderly alto: We really only need one Messiah.
Kidlet: Do you have one more hug for me?
Me: I have an infinite supply of hugs.
Kidlet: Of course, your supply of hugs runs out when you're dead.
[Spouse, when I report this conversation: I was thinking exactly the same thing.]
At the vet:
Me: What's his name?
Other person with cat carrier: His name is cat.tif. And the former owner must have been a computer-lover, because he has a sister named cat.jpg.
Me: OK, I have to ask: Is the sister a lot smaller than he is?
Other person: Yup, she's compressed.
At the coffee shop:
Ma'am, would you warm me up?
No, but I will refill your coffee cup.
Me: Hey, we're not watching the Oscars.
Spouse: Thank God.
Me: You know, one of these days we're going to turn into some kind of hermetically sealed ball of crankiness with no contact with the outside world.
Spouse: Going to turn into?
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...It's frightening how similar my thought processes are to those of your kidlet. And I don't even know who Carmen is.
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