My threesome manifesto

[resonant]

Why I love threesomes: the porny reasons.

1. Dude. Six nipples. Six hands. Three mouths. Three or more orgasms.
   
2. The piquant mix of voyeurism and participation.
   
3. Odds are, the sex lasts longer.
   
4. Bonus: If the sex lasts longer, even guys may be able to come more than once. Even guys who aren't teenagers.
   
5. Most participants aren't terribly experienced at this sort of thing, which means more new experiences.
   
6. Also, inexperience means more need for logistical thinking. I find logistical thinking really sexy.
   
7. Possibility of two ganging up on one, resulting in some lucky person getting to have both nipples attended to at the same time.
   
8. Possibility that the bossy person will tell the other two what to do, giving me more of the friendly dirty talk I love so well.
   
9. Possibility that the other two will take revenge on the bossy person by pinning his/her hands.
   
10. They encourage thinking outside the box. (On the part of the participants, at least.)
    

Why I love threesomes: the slightly less porny reasons.

1. Nobody has to be left out. (Except Peter Pettigrew and Renfield Turnbull, which sends my brain to a really strange AU place.)
   
2. More scope for various complex emotions happening during the sex scene, including jealousy, possessiveness, competitiveness, etc.
   
3. Hm. Most of my reasons turn out to be smutty ones.

Why I like MMF threesomes in particular:

1. They reframe that tedious story where two men ruin a perfectly good friendship by competing for the same woman. (Or, as copracat once said, "They heal the wound of Camelot.")
   
2. With a woman involved, the sex ought to last longer.
   
3. If a sex scene involves a man and a woman, writers have an annoying tendency to default to penetration and hurry through all the interesting stuff. Add a second man, and it's more difficult for them to do that.
   
4. Don't get me wrong, I love m/m, but it's nice to have at least one person in the sex scene whose sexual response arc matches mine.
   

Things I like to read in threesome smut.

1. Instructions. (I like instructions in any kind of smut.)
   
2. Watching. (Ditto.)
   
3. Begging. (Oh, lord, ditto.)
   
4. People being at various states on the orgasmic journey, so that one person can be totally coming apart at the seams while another is still clearheaded enough to be amused. Or plotting.
   
5. One person arranging another one for the satisfaction of a third.
   
6. Women actually getting as many orgasms as they want.
   

Things I don't like to read in threesome smut.

1. Simultaneous orgasms. But you knew that.
   
2. Simultaneous penetration. Because, first, how likely is it that that would work, really? And second, do you want to be on the bottom underneath a pile of three hundred and fifty pounds of moving male?
   
3. Things that require more coordination than any human has. I'm willing to believe that someone could suck and get fucked at the same time, but he/she probably wouldn't be sucking with any particular skill, you know? Plus I'm always very anxious that the person in the middle will get hurt.
   

MMF threesomes I really like to read (or would really like to read, if there were any).

1. Harry/Ron/Hermione.
   
2. Fred/George/Hermione.
   
3. John/Rodney/Sam Carter. (I've been known to read and enjoy Jack/Daniel/Sam, but I worry about Tealc being left out. For the same reason, I'm OK with any two people from the SGA team together, but when you put three of them together, I worry about the fourth one.)
   
4. Highlander isn't my fandom, but cimmerians has some amazing Duncan/Methos/Amanda.
   
5. Christian/Cyrano/Roxane. (Though I'm afraid there's not much to Roxane except that she's beautiful and flirtatious.)
   
6. Arthur/Lancelot/Guinevere. (Ditto for Guinevere, minus the flirtation.)
   
7. Please forgive me, but I would be all over Aladdin/Jasmine/Genie.

Comments

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

I don't really have anything to add, here, except a hearty round of applause, and a great big "me too" to pretty much everything. *g*

[misspamela.livejournal.com]

7. Please forgive me, but I would be all over Aladdin/Jasmine/Genie.

Oh, oh, OW! *scrubs brain* I can't un-know that! Waaahhh!


I am also a huge fan of threesomes. I think it's just the pure sexiness of exploration for me.

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Mmmm, yes. And of course, um, in dS, it's even more impressive if anyone manages to get Fraser in that situation to begin with.

wise words!

[sweetvalleyslut.livejournal.com]

I actually chocked the Peter Pettigrew/Turnbull comment :)

And you're not the only one who wants Aladdin threesomes. Poor Genie shouldn't be left out! And my love for Arthur/Lance/Guinevere is one of the main reasons I'm still willing to read The Mists of Avalon.

[shetiger.livejournal.com]

You know, I've been thinking of doing something just like this. But yours is much more organized and succinctly put. :) Thanks!

(A happy threesome fan.)

[whatdanidigs.livejournal.com]

"enjoy Jack/Daniel/Sam, but I worry about Tealc being left out"

Heeee!

"Aladdin/Jasmine/Genie"

I am a little weirded out that I wouldn't mind reading this either. But then I always found whathisname from Mulan hot.

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Oh HELL yes. A most excellent and vivid summary of why threesomes never get old. :)

[goat-song.livejournal.com]

Please forgive me, but I would be all over Aladdin/Jasmine/Genie.

I never thought of that, but now that I do...WHAT AN EXCELLENT IDEA!

[nestra.livejournal.com]

Have you read agentotter's fic? She has a John/Rodney/Sam, although it's not terribly explicit.

(Also, yes. Hurray for threesomes!)

[vee-fic.livejournal.com]

raises hand

me too! Me too!

[eccentric-alex.livejournal.com]

So glad I'm not the only one with particular appreciation for threesomes. Then again, my thoughts usually don't get further than, "Wow, that's hot." :)

[giglet.livejournal.com]

Yay!

Of course, the things that make threesomefic hot are also the things that scare a lot of authors off. So, you know... those of you that can write threesomes, should.

I've been known to read and enjoy Jack/Daniel/Sam, but I worry about Tealc being left out. For the same reason, I'm OK with any two people from the SGA team together, but when you put three of them together, I worry about the fourth one.

OT4s! Eight nipples. Eight hands. Four mouths. Four or more orgasms.

[beck-liz.livejournal.com]

Everything you said is why I love threesomes, particularly my current favorites, Doctor/Rose/Jack from Doctor Who (see icon).

[blueraccoon.livejournal.com]

as someone who seems incapable of writing in a fandom without somehow writing a threesome of some kind...amen, sister. :)

[sanj.livejournal.com]

Hallelujah! The choir to whom you are preaching says AMEN, and hopes to have some Harry/Ron/Hermione for you soon. :)

[darthfox.livejournal.com]

7. Please forgive me, but

[SNORT]

[ignores, or at least steps past, gauntlet]

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

I admit that as far as simultaneous penetration goes, I have a special love for the "spit roast" scenario. That is, simultaneous oral and vaginal or anal penetration. Yum.

I shall use my icon for my current favorite threesome, which alas is not on your list.

i am fully in support of this post. this post rocks.

[cincodemaygirl.livejournal.com]

my favorite fred/george/hermione (http://prillalar.com/fic/stories/000213.php)

my favorite john/rodney/sam (http://eretria.livejournal.com/330904.html)

[elke-tanzer.livejournal.com]

Amen, sister! :-D

Gosh, I'm really looking forward to 3_ships again...

I am soooo right

[copracat]

but when you put three of them together...

And that's why, boys and girl, we go straight to foursome.

[laurenmitchell.livejournal.com]

Excellent points. I may have to raise a few of them at some point considering I'm still trying to explain to myself why I wrote a (female)Holly/Kochanski/Rimmer threesome, let alone explaining it to Red Dwarf fandom.

[fullygoldy.livejournal.com]

Wonderful lists! So organised! So thoughtful! I must print out and tuck under my pillow for future use and backup.

Simultaneous penetration. Because, first, how likely is it that that would work, really? And second, do you want to be on the bottom underneath a pile of three hundred and fifty pounds of moving male?

Um. If I may, not the *bottom* but the middle. On your sides, think the scene from "Threesome." It's quite lovely with the men murmuring to each other and jockeying for position, and figuring out who should go in first, and what side they need to be on, and helping each other in. And then the looks on their faces when they realize they can feel each other... One is nibbling the woman's neck and the other has his face buried in her breasts whenever gazing directly into his best friend's eyes is a little too overwhelming. If they're thoughtful and caring, they'll keep trying to put their hands on you and bring you along, but they'll also be surreptitiously exploring each other, and oh, believe me. It works. (Also? nary a simultaneous orgasm in sight.)

[laurakaye.livejournal.com]

I love threesomes! I was going to write an Angel/Wesley/Fred one (http://www.obliquestroke.com/stories/click.html) but then I got Jossed. And I've done one for Fraser/Kowalski/Turnbull that's just a PWP (http://www.obliquestroke.com/stories/rain.htm).

And there was that one Harry/Ron/Hermione babyfic that is so schmoopy I haven't even put it on my site.

Funnily enough, for me threesomes cater more to my emotional kinks than my sexual ones (everyone gets snuggles and love!)

[saturnalia.livejournal.com]

John/Rodney/Sam Carter is possibly my favourite threesome pairing ever. And I have quite a few to pick from! *grin* (One of the reasons I loved Who fandom so much was that my favourite threesome there, Doctor/Rose/Jack, was practically canon. *hearts Captain Jack*)

Thank you!

[laurashapiro.livejournal.com]

"Friendly dirty talk" -- can I get an amen! I am kinked so hard for that, and for the "bossy person telling others what to do". Why do so few people write this? (Ya got any recs?)

Not that the other stuff on your list doesn't also make of the squee. (: