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Notes for job seekers
The church is hiring a new custodian. I'm not officially a part of the hiring process, but as the person who hands out the applications and takes them back when they're done, I'm in a position to make a few observations.
1. If, in the time it takes you to fill out an application, you make the entire office smell like stale cigarettes, you are unlikely to be hired for a cleaning job.
2. I cannot emphasize this enough: follow the damned directions. If the ad says "Apply Monday through Thursday," don't show up on Friday, and definitely don't show up on Saturday and then leave a phone message that says, "I done banged on all the doors and I cain't raise nobody." If the secretary says, "Please sit down here and fill out an application," don't just stand there and stare at her as if she's said something profoundly confusing. If the secretary says on Monday, "I don't know what the committee's timetable is, but I'll be contacting everyone when they've made a decision," don't call on Wednesday and say accusingly, "Nobody got back to me."*
3. Don't talk about how you left your old job because you "didn't agree with the way they treated women" and then pause for applause. Don't talk about how proud you are of your kids and then pause for applause. Basically, if you waste half an hour of my time patting yourself on the back about non-job-related things when you come in to fill out an application, while I attempt to get on with my workday, I'm going to assume that any relationship we might have would continue in that vein -- and, guess what, I'm going to weigh in against hiring you.
4. On the other hand, if you ask questions about the job, you may discover that the person who's being replaced is sitting right beside you and very eager to tell you things. There, you see? Curiosity pays off.
* Yes, this was all the same guy. If the committee chairwoman asked me to put the applications in preference order, I'd put him after the convicted sex offender.
We had one guy come in, arrive at the top of the stairs, and politely remove his hat -- revealing another hat underneath!
1. If, in the time it takes you to fill out an application, you make the entire office smell like stale cigarettes, you are unlikely to be hired for a cleaning job.
2. I cannot emphasize this enough: follow the damned directions. If the ad says "Apply Monday through Thursday," don't show up on Friday, and definitely don't show up on Saturday and then leave a phone message that says, "I done banged on all the doors and I cain't raise nobody." If the secretary says, "Please sit down here and fill out an application," don't just stand there and stare at her as if she's said something profoundly confusing. If the secretary says on Monday, "I don't know what the committee's timetable is, but I'll be contacting everyone when they've made a decision," don't call on Wednesday and say accusingly, "Nobody got back to me."*
3. Don't talk about how you left your old job because you "didn't agree with the way they treated women" and then pause for applause. Don't talk about how proud you are of your kids and then pause for applause. Basically, if you waste half an hour of my time patting yourself on the back about non-job-related things when you come in to fill out an application, while I attempt to get on with my workday, I'm going to assume that any relationship we might have would continue in that vein -- and, guess what, I'm going to weigh in against hiring you.
4. On the other hand, if you ask questions about the job, you may discover that the person who's being replaced is sitting right beside you and very eager to tell you things. There, you see? Curiosity pays off.
* Yes, this was all the same guy. If the committee chairwoman asked me to put the applications in preference order, I'd put him after the convicted sex offender.
We had one guy come in, arrive at the top of the stairs, and politely remove his hat -- revealing another hat underneath!
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That's kind of awesome, really.
I am so glad that I got Trusty Minion out of the last round of hiring...and now I never, never, never ever want to hire ever again. Hiring is my least favorite part of management.
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I'm ... well, it's efficient to get all of those mistakes taken care of in one applicant. Usually it would require several people.
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I, too, used to be in a position to read applications, when I was working retail; and there was never a shortage of egregious and/or hilarious ones.
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The one we hired is my favorite of the applicants I talked to!
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This guy? This guy is clearly MAD PREPARED!!1! Hire him! :D
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