Notes for job seekers

[resonant]

The church is hiring a new custodian. I'm not officially a part of the hiring process, but as the person who hands out the applications and takes them back when they're done, I'm in a position to make a few observations.

1. If, in the time it takes you to fill out an application, you make the entire office smell like stale cigarettes, you are unlikely to be hired for a cleaning job.

2. I cannot emphasize this enough: follow the damned directions. If the ad says "Apply Monday through Thursday," don't show up on Friday, and definitely don't show up on Saturday and then leave a phone message that says, "I done banged on all the doors and I cain't raise nobody." If the secretary says, "Please sit down here and fill out an application," don't just stand there and stare at her as if she's said something profoundly confusing. If the secretary says on Monday, "I don't know what the committee's timetable is, but I'll be contacting everyone when they've made a decision," don't call on Wednesday and say accusingly, "Nobody got back to me."*

3. Don't talk about how you left your old job because you "didn't agree with the way they treated women" and then pause for applause. Don't talk about how proud you are of your kids and then pause for applause. Basically, if you waste half an hour of my time patting yourself on the back about non-job-related things when you come in to fill out an application, while I attempt to get on with my workday, I'm going to assume that any relationship we might have would continue in that vein -- and, guess what, I'm going to weigh in against hiring you.

4. On the other hand, if you ask questions about the job, you may discover that the person who's being replaced is sitting right beside you and very eager to tell you things. There, you see? Curiosity pays off.



* Yes, this was all the same guy. If the committee chairwoman asked me to put the applications in preference order, I'd put him after the convicted sex offender.

We had one guy come in, arrive at the top of the stairs, and politely remove his hat -- revealing another hat underneath!

Comments

[chloes_mom]

Reminds me of the time I was covering the service desk and a guy (term loosely used) asked for an application. After being called- Honey, cutie, babe etc-he hands back the app. and say's "Make sure this goes on top of the pile and I will treat you real good when I get the job." Big ole post-it note got put on the app saying "See me first before calling!" Needless to say he did not get a call.

[krait]

You are awesome. :D That was indeed a PostIt-worthy occasion. *grimace*

[chloes_mom]

Thing is, he was going for night stockman and would have to deal with Kathy. Tiny 5foot nothing lady who would have gutted him with her mouth THEN taken him out with her pinky. We live in fear of her and I worship the ground she walks on! Almost worth him being hired just to have heard the story.

[resonant]

Karma couldn't have happened to a nicer guy!