What you forget

[resonant]

A co-worker of mine recently, for no reason anyone has been able to identify, lost four hours of his life with a brief bout of what they call Transient Global Amnesia.

He can't tell me anything about what it was like, because he says it was like a bubble: while he was inside it, he apparently couldn't remember anything outside it; once he was out of it, he couldn't remember any of it happening at all.

His wife tells him he was very sweet and loving while it was happening, and in a very docile way cooperated with everything she asked him to do and believed everything she told him -- with one exception: he refused to believe her when she told him how old he was. He wasn't sure how old he actually was, but, damn it, he was quite sure he wasn't 68!

Comments

[pun]

This makes perfect sense to me. I knew I was getting old when I started uttering the phrase, "But I don't feel any different!" Which is what my mother used to say to me when I told her she was old.

A much younger co-worker said to me that she basically still thinks it's 2005, and I said I basically still think it's 1998. I realized that we both basically think it's the year we were 19-20.

[resonant]

I was 20 in 1984. Do I still think it's 1984? I'll have to give that some thought. I for damn sure do not feel as old as I am, though.

It made me wonder -- if I woke up tomorrow morning and had lost all my memories of my adult life, which parts of my current life would surprise me? Just how disappointed would I be in myself for not being a full-time author who lives all alone at the beach?

[riverlight]

That is absolutely fascinating. Reminds me a bit of Jill Bolte Taylor's experience of feeling utterly euphoric while having a stroke; the existentialist in me wonders if there's sweet and gentle and loving about our fundamental nature, somehow...

[resonant]

Or maybe in some of us and not in others?

As various people in our families lose their hearing, I'm noticing that there are two kinds of hard-of-hearing old folks. The first kind say, "Excuse me?" or "Say what?" or whatever, but the second kind mis-hear you in the most ridiculous (and often lewd) way imaginable, and sometimes get kind of aggressive with you about the awful thing they're quite sure they just heard you say: "She wasn't wearing any WHAT?!" "Um, Dad, I said she wasn't there."

[sara]

Hee hee hee, I am one of the latter. You would not believe the things I hear come out of people's mouths. I assume this is due to sheer filthymindedness, though. So maybe your Dad is a perv.

[resonant]

This would not surprise me one bit, but I wish he wouldn't be so astonished and outraged by it.

[riverlight]

Oh, that's absolutely true. Good point. I watched one of my grandmothers turn very sweet in her senility—very "oh, look at how beautiful the trees are!" and "let me hug you!" all the time—and I am also watching my dad get more difficult and meaner as he gets older, and the contrast is startling. Note to self: stay flexible and learn now not to be the mean aggressive oldster!

[malnpudl]

I can appreciate that. The calendar swears I'm 54. I'm not sure I'll ever feel older than maybe 35. Well, physically... but not at heart.

[resonant]

I still have frequent dreams of being a college student!

[dira]

Thank you for procuring these useful facts for future amnesia-fic! *g*

[laurakaye]

That's just what I was thinking!

[resonant]

Yes, exactly! I imagine he thought I was being really interested in his wellbeing when I kept saying, "Wow! What did that feel like?"

[isilya]

My experience of amnesia (anterograde) is that it is as utterly complete as general anaesthesia. When I sleep I am aware that time has passed, but anaesthesia is a wrinkle in time. Ditto for amnesia.

[resonant]

I went to bed last night thinking about this comment and about my experience of time passing when I sleep, and it left me wondering how much of what I experience of that is real, and how much if it is just that I have bedtime and waketime habits and rituals that confirm to me what time of day it is. Like, if I routinely fell asleep at random times of day and slept for random periods of time, would I really be able to say I was aware time had passed?

I passed out once in my life, for maybe five minutes, and it did feel to me as if no time passed between standing at the sink washing my hands and thinking, "I feel very strange," and opening my eyes on the floor with a black eye and my lip bleeding.

Your wording suggests that you've had amnesia more than once? or that it's ongoing? I'd be very interested in anything you'd care to share about the experience.

[isilya]

My periods of amnesia were drug-induced, most significantly when I had been given Midazolam as a pre-med prior to surgery, and prior to my pre-op consult with my surgeon. I woke up from my GA shouting that I couldn't go in for my surgery yet because I hadn't had my pre-op consult. It is still extremely strange to me that I had a 15 minute conversation with my surgeon and consented to the specifics of my procedure and yet have no memory whatsoever of this consult. It's made me more careful as a physician to ensure that my patients are capable of consenting.

You would be able to feel that time had passed, even if you randomly napped during the day. You may initially be slightly confused as to how much time had passed or what day it was, but you would be aware that that you had been sleeping. This varies among people but many people mark time so accurately while sleeping that they do not need to set alarms (whether or not the alarm is routine).

[resonant]

Returning belatedly to say that this is really interesting! I'm guessing that you must have behaved in pretty much the expected way during that 15 minute conversation, or else someone would have noticed that you were already going under.

Once when I was in college I woke up on the phone with my father. As I came back to consciousness, I was saying, "OK, I'll do that, love you, bye." I had to call him back and ask him to tell me what I'd been promising to do!

[erika]

if I routinely fell asleep at random times of day and slept for random periods of time, would I really be able to say I was aware time had passed?

This is me. I'm always aware of the fact that some amount of time has passed, but I depend on external cues to tell me how MUCH time has passed. And we're not talking "exactly" how much time, I'm talking chunks of 8+ hours or more. In winter when the house is quiet, I routinely assume it's morning when it's actually evening, or vice versa. I've done it three times this winter, once for three hours after I woke up.

[wrabbit]

Interesting!

[resonant]

Poor fellow is now in a panic every time he forgets anything.

[emeraldsword]

That's both fascinating and frightening. Love that he refused to accept his age though - there's something particularly funny about that!

[resonant]

He remembered that his kids were grown and that he had grandchildren, but he still couldn't believe he was really that old.

[bonspiel]

A friend of mine was telling me recently about the time she had a bad concussion after getting hurt playing hockey - apparently when she was in the hospital, she just kept on telling the same joke over and over when people told her she wasn't remembering anything. According to her husband and friends who were there, she said the same joke over 80 times. Her memory just kept on getting reset every couple of minutes and she kept on doing the same thing each time.

[bottledminx]

I worry about living in a Truman Show-esque life, and now I am going to worry about losing time and being alone when it happens.