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My threesome manifesto
Why I love threesomes: the porny reasons.
- Dude. Six nipples. Six hands. Three mouths. Three or more orgasms.
- The piquant mix of voyeurism and participation.
- Odds are, the sex lasts longer.
- Bonus: If the sex lasts longer, even guys may be able to come more than once. Even guys who aren't teenagers.
- Most participants aren't terribly experienced at this sort of thing, which means more new experiences.
- Also, inexperience means more need for logistical thinking. I find logistical thinking really sexy.
- Possibility of two ganging up on one, resulting in some lucky person getting to have both nipples attended to at the same time.
- Possibility that the bossy person will tell the other two what to do, giving me more of the friendly dirty talk I love so well.
- Possibility that the other two will take revenge on the bossy person by pinning his/her hands.
- They encourage thinking outside the box. (On the part of the participants, at least.)
Why I love threesomes: the slightly less porny reasons.
- Nobody has to be left out. (Except Peter Pettigrew and Renfield Turnbull, which sends my brain to a really strange AU place.)
- More scope for various complex emotions happening during the sex scene, including jealousy, possessiveness, competitiveness, etc.
- Hm. Most of my reasons turn out to be smutty ones.
Why I like MMF threesomes in particular:
- They reframe that tedious story where two men ruin a perfectly good friendship by competing for the same woman. (Or, as
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copracat once said, "They heal the wound of Camelot.") - With a woman involved, the sex ought to last longer.
- If a sex scene involves a man and a woman, writers have an annoying tendency to default to penetration and hurry through all the interesting stuff. Add a second man, and it's more difficult for them to do that.
- Don't get me wrong, I love m/m, but it's nice to have at least one person in the sex scene whose sexual response arc matches mine.
Things I like to read in threesome smut.
- Instructions. (I like instructions in any kind of smut.)
- Watching. (Ditto.)
- Begging. (Oh, lord, ditto.)
- People being at various states on the orgasmic journey, so that one person can be totally coming apart at the seams while another is still clearheaded enough to be amused. Or plotting.
- One person arranging another one for the satisfaction of a third.
- Women actually getting as many orgasms as they want.
Things I don't like to read in threesome smut.
- Simultaneous orgasms. But you knew that.
- Simultaneous penetration. Because, first, how likely is it that that would work, really? And second, do you want to be on the bottom underneath a pile of three hundred and fifty pounds of moving male?
- Things that require more coordination than any human has. I'm willing to believe that someone could suck and get fucked at the same time, but he/she probably wouldn't be sucking with any particular skill, you know? Plus I'm always very anxious that the person in the middle will get hurt.
MMF threesomes I really like to read (or would really like to read, if there were any).
- Harry/Ron/Hermione.
- Fred/George/Hermione.
- John/Rodney/Sam Carter. (I've been known to read and enjoy Jack/Daniel/Sam, but I worry about Tealc being left out. For the same reason, I'm OK with any two people from the SGA team together, but when you put three of them together, I worry about the fourth one.)
- Highlander isn't my fandom, but cimmerians has some amazing Duncan/Methos/Amanda.
- Christian/Cyrano/Roxane. (Though I'm afraid there's not much to Roxane except that she's beautiful and flirtatious.)
- Arthur/Lancelot/Guinevere. (Ditto for Guinevere, minus the flirtation.)
- Please forgive me, but I would be all over Aladdin/Jasmine/Genie.
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