Silence

[resonant]

I had a strange experience yesterday, though I despair of being able to convey it in words.

I don't know about the rest of y'all, but I have a very chattery brain. If you come upon me unexpectedly, you'll usually catch me talking to myself; this is the only way I can hear my thoughts over my, well, other thoughts. If I wake up in the middle of the night, there'll already be a song in my head. It's very noisy in here.

Well, yesterday I walked to my coffee shop, had a mocha, and worked for a couple of hours. I completed a goal. Feeling very pleased with myself, I packed up my backpack and got ready to walk home --

And discovered that my brain had fallen silent.

There were no chains of thoughts, no ongoing arguments, no pileup of associations. Not even music. Thoughts floated into my head and floated out again.

It lasted twenty minutes, nearly all the way home.

I told the spouse about it and he said, "You're achieving enlightenment."

Comments

[twistedchick]

Yep. It's a form of enlightenment, or a stage of it. Weird, isn't it?

[twistedchick]

Or, to be more precise and less Buddhist, it's one of the classic spiritual experiences that shows up in every religion I've studied.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Very strange, yes. I find I can tap back into it, but only for a second or two.

[twistedchick]

It may come and go more often, since you've had a prolonged period (20 minutes is fairly prolonged for a first time.)

I don't know your age, but I've also heard from at least one source that the ability to reach it has to do with age and (to some degree) with various kinds of brain development or ability to think -- which I kinda do and kinda don't buy into for various reasons. I don't think it has to do with intelligence per se, as in Stanford-Binet measureable.

I had brief periods of it (much shorter than yours) for a while, then last year was faced with a situation that showed me a truth I had not expected -- and it happened then and continued for several days. As you said, very restful. Since then, it has come and go, not necessarily when expected.
There have been other side effects, beneficial though not necessarily explanable. If you want to talk about it more, I can be reached in email.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Hm. I'm 44. I feel increasingly scatter-brained and distractible as I get older, so it's nice to think that there's a bonus to the aging brain.

(this reminds me of a study I once read about -- women always say that they feel stupider once they have a baby, and apparently scientists tested the intelligence of mice after giving birth. They discovered that the mice were more intelligent after giving birth -- but theorized that if giving birth gave you, say, a 2% IQ boost, having a small baby required about 4% more intelligence, making you feel stupider overall!)

[ellen-fremedon.livejournal.com]

It sounds frightening.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Actually it was lovely. Restful. I mean, it wasn't that I couldn't think; it was just that I wasn't having to put every thought into words just to drown out all the other words that were already there.

[ellen-fremedon.livejournal.com]

If you say so.

*is deeply suspicious of this alleged non-verbal thought business*

[nestra.livejournal.com]

Please don't Ascend! We need you here!

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Me without a body? Anyone who's met me in the flesh would laugh till they cried.

[laurashapiro.livejournal.com]

Your spouse is correct, as I understand it. Meditation and mindfulness are geared toward achieving that state.

I'm envious. I've never managed to sustain it longer than about 10 seconds.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

I've read about it. (Actually I read about it in a Sentinel slash story!) But I wasn't even trying!

[bravecows.livejournal.com]

(Actually I read about it in a Sentinel slash story!)

Hee! This sentence describes an embarrassingly large portion of the Stuff I Know.

[laurashapiro.livejournal.com]

You're just naturally gifted. (:

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Planning to ascend soon?

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

No way! No body, no bacon!

[vickita.livejournal.com]

That is such a cool story!

If I wake up in the middle of the night, there'll already be a song in my head.

OMG, me too.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Isn't it kind of annoying? The spouse will go around humming these awful, contagious songs; I don't think he understands how bad that is for someone with a music-sticky brain.

[flambeau.livejournal.com]

It sounds really pleasant. Or maybe unsettling, I'm not sure. *g*

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

It was a little bit of both, actually. Part of my brain wanted to poke it, prod it, analyze it -- talk about it, internally -- but I managed to keep it in a sort of floating maybe condition for quite a long time.

[flambeau.livejournal.com]

I would give really a lot to get the music to stop for a couple of minutes...

[darklock.livejournal.com]

I kinda panic when that happens. I feel like looking over my shoulder. It gets suddenly *too* quiet, and it stumbles me. And, then... I have to examine it, and that puts an end to that. :-)

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Yes! Or to cling to it, which I don't think would work either. It felt kind of like when you finally learn to float in water instead of trying to stay on top.

[darklock.livejournal.com]

lol! That's exactly *it*!

[mzcalypso.livejournal.com]

It's either enlightment, or your inner self has laryngitis.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Hee! My inner self could stand to shut up sometimes.

[viggorlijah.livejournal.com]

I explain it as multiple soundtracks. There's always something happening inside my head!

When I get ill, one of the symptoms I actually enjoy is the fever-brain because everything slows down and I have no extra processing. It is the perfect time to read crappy magazines and watch tv because I can be totally absorbed in it with no boredom or distraction! Last bout of tonsilitis, I couldn't edit anything I said to my husband's amusement.

Of course, that's like emptying the pool, rather than calming the waters.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Hee! I actually get very anxious when that happens; I know I'm supposed to be remembering things, and I'm aware that I'm not remembering them ...

[springwoof.livejournal.com]

does the silence happen during your yoga meditation too? (didn't I remember you saying you did yoga?)

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

I haven't been able to go back to yoga since the last time I posted about it! First I hurt my knee, and then I had stitches in my hand, and then I strained my rotator cuff. Sad.

I never really had that experience in yoga yet, but I would imagine one could.

I did experience exercise endorphins once. The elliptical machine I like to use at the gym is next to a window that looks out on the river, and there was a boat going by, and I thought, "The curves that the waves make going out from either side of the stern are the most beautiful thing that could ever exist."

Recommended listening

[(Anonymous)]

Hiya. You don't know me, but I've enjoyed many of your fanfics. I recently stumbled across your blog and will probably stumble out again at some point.

Your description of your experience reminded me strongly of a Fresh Air interview I heard recently. The interviewee was a brain scientist who had a stroke in the left hemisphere of her brain. She literally lost all ability to comprehend language for awhile. It sounds like it would be creepy, but she was wonderful to listen to - very positive. Fascinating, fascinating stuff. If you have time at some point, I truly recommend listening to it. The link is here: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91861432
I think you can also download it in mp3 format somewhere. I can't recommend it enough.

Thanks very much for all your lovely stories. I hope to read more of them soon.
-Janice

Re: Recommended listening

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Interesting! I'll check it out.

[toft-froggy.livejournal.com]

That happened to me once a couple of years ago - I too have a very chatty brain, and it was a surprise. I got a cold the next day, so I decided later it was illness-related. At the time it was really quite nice.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Now that you mention it, I think I may have had moments like this when I've been sick. but only moments, not these long periods of time.