Out?

[resonant]

The original sci-fi erotica I'm writing for dementordelta (which I'm now thinking of as "the pouch porn") is getting a lovely polka of a beta, and I'm psyched to do a second draft tomorrow. I'm all excited about it.

In other news, I'm somewhat freaked out because without planning to at all, I went and told my best friend I'm bisexual. This is not a confession I routinely make, in the nonvirtual world -- the spouse knows, but I don't share it freely -- but it came up in conversation, and there was this moment where really my choice was to lie out loud with words ("Oh, yeah, I don't get that either") or to tell the truth.

It was terrifying.

She ... says I'm wrong. "You're not, really," she says.

This is reassuringly normal for her, actually, so my eye-rolling is much softened by relief. However, I still spent the rest of the afternoon feeling strangely freaked out. Guilty, actually, as if I'd done something wrong.

I think I don't tell the truth enough. I need more practice.

Comments

[cluegirl.livejournal.com]

Well if it's any consolation, being Bi myself, I believe you!

And I can't recall the source of the quote, but this is one of my favourites: "If you tell the truth, or as much of it as seems safe, at all times, then eventually you will find yourself surrounded by people to whom you do not need to lie."

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

See, that's the weird thing. In my other life (i.e. here), it's normal. A fannish friend once told me she felt guilty for not having any bisexual urges. (I told her I'd do my best to be open-minded.)

Even on Table Talk (my previous online community, which was not fannish and was heavily skewed toward moms swapping childrearing advice), I'd say 50% of the women identified as either lesbian or bi. Which makes me wonder how many of my friends are in the same boat and just not confessing.

[cluegirl.livejournal.com]

Probably quite a few. There are, after all, many social penalties being legitimized against alternative expressions of sexuality these days. And being called a freak to one's face is never a happy thing.
*shrug*
I'm just happy that people who want to hate me genetally don't have to look all the way into my bedroom to find the excuse to do it. My religion, political leanings, and outspoken attitudes generally give them all the ammunition they need long before they get that close.

[anoddplace.livejournal.com]

A fannish friend once told me she felt guilty for not having any bisexual urges.

Word! to that. Sometimes I feel guilty that I don't join in the sort of virtual flirting that seems to go on in the slash community. It's interesting, feeling like the only girl in fandom who finds breasts to be devoid of any interest. Sometimes I feel like I should join in just because everyone else does it-- but in real life I'm not a flirtatious person, so it would be a fictional flirtation (which has another name, too: "lie").

(I told her I'd do my best to be open-minded.)

That was rather nice of you. :D

[halimede.livejournal.com]

To be honest, I'm not at all sure the flirting is related to bisexuality perse. Straight women, knowing each other to be straight, can still flirt with each other in a sexual way, in my experience. So yeah, lots of us identify as bi (me too if you were wondering, and you probably weren't) but that might not really be the point with the flirting, necessarily. Which doesn't mean you should feel obliged to, because obviously some people are flirtier than others and that's okay. In my not-so-humble-in-this-case opinion anyway. :)