Overheard and overseen

[resonant]

Well, she is dying. But she doesn't have to be a bitch about it.



Me: What do you want to do while I dust?
Kidlet: Gloat.

Spouse: I can't look at your website at work. I mean, how am I going to explain that? 'I'm interested in gay porn, but only the kind my wife writes'?

Me: So of course the next thing he says is, 'I didn't ask to be born.'
Spouse: How does he know that?

We are now two people away from a female president.
Oh, kill them!

Here, have a desecrated cheesecake brownie.

Kidlet: Stop tickling. It's disconcentrating me.

All right, you tell me. How can a four-hundred-pound woman be a dietitian?