Truth is less unpleasant than fiction

[resonant]

Today I was thinking about Benton Fraser, Severus Snape, and Sherlock Holmes.

I am kinked so hard for male characters like these guys -- the ones who ought to have "Serious Intimacy Problems" tattooed on their forehead as a warning to others, the ones who might be steamy volcanoes of untapped passion or might be cold fish through and through -- that I evaluate potential fandoms based on whether any of the guys in them are emotionally unavailable enough to suit me.

I'm so very lucky that I'm not attracted to the same kind of guys in real life as in fiction.

Comments

[thingswithwings]

hear, hear. I feel pretty much exactly the same way - though I think my list would have to include John Sheppard as well. This is why I think toft found it so easy to drag me (back) into Sherlock Holmes fandom: I'm already committed to complete weirdo loners who don't know how to express their feelings and are generally bad with people.

fwiw, I think this opinion is rather in the majority in our corner of fandom. :)

[resonant]

Well, yes; I certainly get enough of the woobification of the frozen loner to almost satisfy me.

I don't have nearly as settled a preference when it comes to female characters, but I do seem to like ones who are either damaged or really intensely foreign -- people like Parker, or Seven of Nine. But it could be that that's just me trying to look at mass entertainment and pick out women who aren't prizes or seductresses.

[carolyn_claire]

I'm so very lucky that I'm not attracted to the same kind of guys in real life as in fiction.

Yes, because it sucks.

[toft]

Sadly, I am.

[sara]

Yeah, see, when I was a kid I did Serious Intimacy Problems IRL.

Nowadays, I expect a little more self-realization. *cough*

*cracks up*

[barbana]

I love that. "I evaluate potential fandoms based on whether any of the guys in them are emotionally unavailable enough to suit me."

It's true thought, broken boys are very fun to play with...you want to fix them but you can't fix them too much or then they would be kind of boring. Only in fantasy land, In the real world I hope people would run like hell from men (and women) like that.

[livrelibre]

Yeah, that's a big ditto. And I am a sucker for pairings where one person is the quiet and/or repressed "Serious Intimacy Problems" type and their partner is very aware and makes them deal.

[the_shoshanna]

You know, considering how kinked I am for angst and shame and pain in my men, I've always thought it was a good thing for the men I'm involved with that they aren't the guys I like in fiction.

[maire]

Do you feel about them as potential partners or as parts of yourself when you're reading them?

I go for people with seriously intense focus in both RL and fiction, but the emotional unavailability bit that often comes along with it is pretty solidly me wanting wish-fulfilment on the idea that someone will be willing to keep loving me even if I'm bad at letting them know how I feel.

[petslife]

I do the same thing. Maybe because of the struggle it takes to get to that happy ending I crave? I like the fight against obstacles and the pining and the slow melting and on and on. *G* Fraser, in particular, was always amazing to watch for me (in fic and show) when the facade started to crack.

[perverse_idyll]

Yes, absolutely. I'd add Spock to that list. It helps if they're brainy. Which may be why in SGA McKay appeals to me more than Sheppard (although I think it also has something to do with Hewlett's acting chops, expressive face, and vocal agility). A few years ago (ack! years?) I typed up several thoughts related to this theme, and it still holds true for the most part.

I've had relationships with guys who were so relentlessly emotionally available (to put it kindly) that there was no room left for me. It was rather suffocating, and I place a high value on self-sufficiency these days.

[fox]

... and we still haven't managed to get you into Who and Torchwood. [sigh]

[allburningup]

the ones who might be steamy volcanoes of untapped passion or might be cold fish through and through

I totally kink on this too, as long as I am able to convince myself it's the first one.

[copperbadge]

I evaluate potential fandoms based on whether any of the guys in them are emotionally unavailable enough to suit me.

I may have laughed a little, then abruptly stopped when I realised that I don't enter fandoms where nobody is so damaged they can barely function normally in society.

[resonant]

Yeah, I can imagine. We really don't want to be falling in love with the John Sheppards of the world in real life.

[resonant]

Oh, dear. I had a brief taste of that in the tenth grade, and then I discovered sweet baffled geek guys and bonded.

[resonant]

Even in reading stories, sometimes I whiplash from "ohhhh, the tragic angst" to "come on, Benton, grow up, will you?"

Re: *cracks up*

[resonant]

broken boys are very fun to play with

Yes, exactly. And frankly, it's easier to make them happy in fiction. (In fiction, I don't expect to have anyone make an effort to make me happy in return!)

[resonant]

Oh, I like that! I write a lot of the one-has-intimacy-problems, one-is-oblivious type of dynamic, but I do enjoy reading about a smarter and more active partner.

[resonant]

Good thing for you, too!

[resonant]

I think you've hit it exactly -- I'm identifying with the frozen guy. (Though in my case the fantasy is more of a love where it's perfectly safe to really be touchable.)

[resonant]

Yes. It's so much more rewarding. In fact, I find myself taking characters who are canonically pretty open and inventing tortured secrets for them -- it makes them more interesting to me!

[resonant]

Excellent thoughts, there; I didn't watch the original Trek, but of course Spock is right in there.

so relentlessly emotionally available (to put it kindly) that there was no room left for me

My best friend in high school was like that; our entire relationship was her taking a step forward and me taking a step back. I can't imagine what it would have been like in a romance. But in real life I guess you want some sort of balance where a person is neither needy nor afraid to need, whereas in fiction, balance is the last thing you want!

[resonant]

Fandoms rise, blossom, and go boom while I say to myself, "I wonder if today's the day I ought to download an episode and watch it?"

[resonant]

Of course -- that has to be the slasher's first axiom. Coldness = repressed passion.

[resonant]

Yes! We should probably be grateful for this impulse; it's all that stands between us and a lively My Little Pony fandom.

[copperbadge]

My little ponies are hardcore!

We'd be writing fanfic for like, Blue's Clues or something.

[livrelibre]

Oblivious works for me as well (boy, does it ever:) - in fiction not RL.

[livrelibre]

Yes, that's it!

[sara]

It's funny, but since I had kids, I've gotten much less angst-tolerant.

But then, as we often remark around here, I have no romance in my soul. And even if I did, God knows I wouldn't talk about it in public. *G*

[frock]

Yes, yes and YES. However, I do think that our tastes in fictional characters say more about who we are, rather than what sort of people we'd actually be romantically interested in. It's Lacan's "mirror stage" in action, I suppose... The recognition of oneself in a reflection.

Of course, I may be the only one who actually has (or had, rather) the "Serious Intimacy Problems" you're talking about; since I was never romantically interested in anyone with similar problems in real life, I figured that my interest in fictional characters with these issues was a reflection of my own preoccupations, rather than... Er, anything else.

Now that I have sorted through most of those intimacy problems with the good old-fashioned Power of Love ^(TM), my fannish interest is no longer absolutely constrained to having these kinds of guys in a fandom - but damn, they sure do help as recruitment material! I haven't outgrown my taste for these characters, despite having outgrown the issues themselves. (I think. I hope.)

By the way, I'm sorry for suddenly barging into your journal; I've only recently decided to participate in fandom, thanks to the advent of Dreamwidth, and I was fortunate enough to discover your writing at the same time. I love your writing, and I'll likely be hanging around your journal from now on and leaving swathes of feedback, if you don't mind!

[resonant]

Of course I don't mind; everyone's welcome, especially everyone who wants to talk about the fictional people we love and torment.