December Daily: advice to the young Res

[resonant]

princessofgeeks prompts: What you would tell your self of 20 years ago if you had the chance.

(Got behind because yesterday was so busy.)

Wow, this has been really thought-provoking. Twenty years ago, I was 30 years old; I had sort of accidentally moved out of journalism and into technical writing, and my career was feeling a little less weird and ill-fitting than it ever had. We'd just bought our first house, but I was still thinking we were going to get out of Corntown any time. I was four years from having a baby and four years from discovering fandom.

Looking back, I wasn't really as much of a grown-up as I thought I was.

First thing I wish I could tell myself is: Do not take the job working for the Space Alien. She will shred your self-esteem and it will take literally years to get over it.

But in more general terms:

1. Don't be so focused on writing as a career. You do have other skills.

2. Whatever is bothering you about a relationship, it isn't going to change by itself. You're going to have to learn how to talk about things that upset you and how to ask for what you need. Maybe don't wait twenty years to try therapy?

3. Be really careful about the things you decide to do "just for now." You would not believe how fast twenty years go by.

Comments

[out_there]

3. Be really careful about the things you decide to do "just for now." You would not believe how fast twenty years go by.,

Wow, that is really interesting advice. The 'just for now' stuff is probably easy to justify for a few months, but if you thought it might be a forever thing, you'd act differently.

[resonant]

I'm a planner; I don't like ambiguity. So I tend to feel less uncomfortable with a bad decision made than with no decision made.

So I spent literally decades in a house in a bad school district ... in a career that did not suit me at all ... in a town I hated. If the spouse hadn't decided to go back to school, I'd probably be there still, thinking, "Well, just for now it's OK."

[myalexandria]

um, so, #3 is terrifying.

On the upside, I tried therapy at 35!

[resonant]

Oh yes it is terrifying! Still!

I think that as human beings we're more afraid of fast risks than of slow risks. So when I was young and single and had fewer barriers to freedom than ever again, I would have said, "But I can't just move to a place where I want to make my life and then try to find a job! I'll be broke and have no place to live!" but I never really thought about the flip side: "But I can't spend three decades getting gradually more and more tightly tied to a town I hate!"

Yay you for trying therapy! I need to find another counselor; I didn't really bond with the first one, though it was lovely just to have someone to listen to me saying "unacceptable" things.