Advanced stupidity

[resonant]

Hey, I was a gifted child. I kick ass on logic tests. I did really well on my SATs.

I mention this because I am almost certainly the biggest moron in fandom tonight.



Our old gas grill got damaged in a windstorm, so I bought a new one. I had it assembled and delivered, and after the delivery guys left, I looked under the cover and thought, "Damn. No owner's manual."

Yeah. Some of you probably already see where this is going.

Tonight I connected the propane tank, did the soapy-water test to make sure there weren't any leaks, and then lit the grill for the first time. And I had a funny feeling about it, but I couldn't put my finger on it; I went into the house and told the kidlet, "Humor me and keep the couch between you and the porch for a while, OK? I feel strange about the grill for no good reason."

I preheated the grill for fifteen minutes, and then I went out and opened it. It was full of burning paper.

Yep. The owner's manual had been stored under the grilling plates, and it was now on fire.

Fortunately, all the burning stuff stayed inside the grill until I removed it, so I didn't set the house on fire (or the shrubs, or the neighbor's tree, or any passing cars). No great harm done.

But whatever idiocies you may have committed today, you can still say to yourself, "Well, at least I didn't grill my owner's manual."

Comments

[dracostella.livejournal.com]

That is totally something I would do. In fact, even after reading this, I have a feeling that should I ever own a grill, this will happen.

[affinity8.livejournal.com]

Well, I was temping at a job last week. I go into the office and turn on the monitor but damned if I can't find the tower. It's not under the desk. It's not behind the desk. It's not behind all the accumulated under-desk stuff. It's not a mainframe, but what the hell? So finally I ask the tech guy to come over. He shows up, looks pointedly over my shoulder, and asks, "So. Can't find the tower, hmm?"

It was behind me, on the side desk. About twelve inches from my elbow.

But, on the bright side, I didn't burn it down or anything!!

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

The same thing would have happened to me. I just don't think UNDER the grilling plates is a good place for manufacturers to stash an owner's manual. Now, taped to the underside of the hood/lid? That'd be nice, wouldn't it, because then you'd be sure to NOTICE it when you opened it.

If it makes you feel any better, I onced torched a bag of potato chips that I'd hidden from the voracious family in what I thought at the time was a handy storage drawer under our 1968 stove. It turned out, of course, to be the broiler, and when I next used the oven, the chips went up in flames.

[zoerayne]

Sounds like something I'd do.

My kids would never stop mocking me, though. I've had two fairly serious injuries to my left thumb (a bagel incident that we're not going to talk about, and a run-in with a paving-stone in a garden border that nearly resulted in me losing the use of my thumb), and how do my loving children respond? onnakitty says, "So, Mom, what this has taught us is that you don't deserve opposable thumbs." Gee, thanks. *g*

[celandineb.livejournal.com]

No... I grilled a piece of chicken and a piece of beef, but thankfully did not grill the owner's manual.

Nevertheless in the vast scheme of things, as idiocies go, at least this was a pretty harmless one!

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

I'm not laughing at you.
I'm laughing near you.

[ataniell93.livejournal.com]

I would so do that.

[damned-colonial.livejournal.com]

When I moved to Canada I assumed the drawer under the oven was the broiler (or griller as we'd say), and it wasn't til months and months later when I went to use it that I opened it and found out that it was a handy storage drawer.

[jelazakazone.livejournal.com]

Bagels are dangerous. I know all about dangerous bagels. One attacked my eye once. I can see how a run-in with a bagel could affect one's thumb.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Well, now you're aware of the possibility. So you'll avoid this, and then you'll do some new, original dumb thing.

Or maybe you'll actually cook on your grill, according to directions, the way you'd think anybody could manage ...

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Well, obviously you're not the first to ask the question, if he gives you the answer before you ask!

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

I am laughing so hard at both those stories!

My mother used to have a snazzy wooden salt and pepper shaker set. It's very humid in North Carolina, and she used to keep the salt shaker in the oven, because it was drier in there. Except that she could never remember to take it out when she pre-heated.

It wouldn't have been so bad if she'd kept them both in there -- as it was, the pepper shaker was light brown, and the salt shaker was scorched dark brown.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Clever. Snarky, but clever.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

I've never had a grill mishap before, but I used to be famous for burning dishtowels on the stove.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how safe it is to get near me.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Well, who puts an owner's manual that far inside? I mean, to get at it (to get at what was left of it) I had to remove the grill grate and the little triangular things that cover the place the flame comes out of.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Now, now. I'll have you know that you light up my grill life...

[zoerayne]

Snarky, but clever.

Yeah, that pretty much describes my daughter in a nutshell. *g*

BTW, I'm glad nothing more serious than the manual caught on fire.

[zoerayne]

Oh, man. My ex-husband used to hide dirty dishes in the oven rather than washing them...until the day I turned it on to pre-heat, and the apartment filled with the lovely toxic chemical smell of melting plastic. *shudders*

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Oh, poor you! It's kind of a funny story, though -- the sort you can tell at parties for years to come and get laughs. ;-)

[celandineb.livejournal.com]

I've been known to accidentally melt plastic wrap on burners, but I don't think I've ever actually burned a dishtowel.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

As long as they're not dinner parties.

Actually we've got a cookout planned for next weekend. Maybe I'd better not tell the guests about it.

[mordyn4]

Ha ha ha, that is fucking classic! He was a dumbass for leaving it in there, though. M.

[florahart]

At least you already knew it was a good story as soon as it happened, right? :D

I once melted a tea kettle, the kind that is metal and whistles, on my stovetop. WHILE I WAS HOME. And it had been full as I was making like, a pitcher of tea.

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

Yikes! I'm really glad nothing horrible happened!