Overheard and overseen

[resonant]

Best search string to find my site: "Snape teaches Hermione and Ron how to have sex." (The thing I love about this one is the assumption that Snape knows how to have sex.)



In chat, a very weary cesperanza: "That's what betas are four!"

At the pool: Astonishingly attractive girl of about sixteen in a white bikini, sucking her thumb.

Another in a string bikini, but due to a combination of broad-bodied-ness and flatchestedness, the string between the cups is about six inches long.

At RWA: "You can fix a bad page. You can't fix a blank one."

Kidlet: "I don't see how Miss Piggy can call anybody else odious. She's a pig."
Me: "She looks like a very clean and sweet-smelling pig."
Kidlet: "But a pig just the same."

Outside the preschool: "Well, that was nice of her, to share her rocks with us."

A typo in a listing on eBay, so that the name of the CD is "And On Earth Peach."

Cashier: "How are you?"
Customer: "Short and bald."

At the coffee shop:
"What's the point of scones, anyway?"
"To suck all the moisture out of your mouth."

Kid at playground: "You only got one child?"
Me: "Yes, just the one."
Kid: "What you gonna do if you get sick? Who gonna take care of you?"

Overheard name: Sangria.

At a restaurant, I'm watching a mother with a boy of about ten. He's ignoring most of what she says, refusing to make eye contact, rolling his eyes, turning his back, generally displaying his lack of respect in the most dramatic possible way. Then she turns around and I can see her sweatshirt, which says: Her Majesty The Queen / But You Can Call Me 'Mom.'

Startup sound on a guy's computer: a woman's voice saying, "Try not to get shot today."

Kidlet names a rubber duck Amarillo Ingalls Ducky.

To their sing-at-the-courthouse, they take a purse which contains a bottle of lotion and a splinter-removal kit. Why? I ask. They say primly: "The bleachers might be made of wood."

Woman at gym goes into bathroom stall, taking her bag with her. Her cell phone rings. She answers it. And then begins to pee. And then says, "Oh, not much, just sitting on the toilet at the gym; how 'bout you?" -- and I'm thinking: Oh, not much, just hanging up and washing my hands with bleach now.

edited 2020 to retroactively correct the kidlet's gender pronouns

Comments

[jelazakazone.livejournal.com]

You know that sharing rocks has to be the height of niceness to a preschooler. They are rock obsessed! LOL!

[judas-river.livejournal.com]

Cashier: "How are you?"
Customer: "Short and bald."

That is so full of win.


Also, I have a friend of mine with whom I used to spend hours talking, and neither of us thought anything of going pee while we were on the phone with each other. :)

[mahoy.livejournal.com]

Woman at gym goes into bathroom stall, taking her bag with her. Her cell phone rings. She answers it. And then begins to pee. And then says, "Oh, not much, just sitting on the toilet at the gym; how 'bout you?" -- and I'm thinking: Oh, not much, just hanging up and washing my hands with bleach now.

That made me giggle. I called my 10-year-old son on Friday from work to see how he was doing, when all of sudden I hear this rather familiar sound.
"Oh my god, are you peeing?" I asked.
"Yeah," he replied.
"OK. New rule. For god's sake, if you AREN'T talking to Mommy or Daddy, NO PEEING WHILE USING THE PHONE."
"Oh. OK."

[abbylee]

To her sing-at-the-courthouse, she takes a purse which contains a bottle of lotion and a splinter-removal kit. Why? I ask. She says primly: "The bleachers might be made of wood."

Your kidlet is made of win.

[vass]

Overheard name: Sangria.

I wonder if Sangria whines.

Kidlet names her rubber duck Amarillo Ingalls Ducky.

AWWW.

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

Overheard name: Sangria.

I wonder if Sangria whines.

LOL!

And thanks for sharing, Res.

[skuf.livejournal.com]

My sister and my niece often call me from the toilet or go there while talking to me. I've gotten used to it, *shrug* :o)

[carolyn-claire.livejournal.com]

"What you gonna do if you get sick? Who gonna take care of you?"

That's why I have two. Birth-control failure had nothing to do with it.

[proscription.livejournal.com]

Someone I work with's last name is Sangria. Which would be fine if she were a civilian and you know, addressed by her first name. Unfortunatly, about 70 times a day she gets called "Officer Sangria."

[100wordspermin.livejournal.com]

People at my (soon-to-be-former) workplace answer their cell phones in the bathroom pretty frequently. I've been there a little over a year and half, and it still wigs me out.