Thanks for asking this question, Res. So many wise and personal and thought-provoking answers... looking through these windows into people's lives, and the veiws are beautiful.
At bottom, my choices & compromises come from reflection about what I need, what I want, in the moment when I face the choice, and what I can predict given what I know then. I've made some choices with this thinking that didn't come out as I hoped, that were expensive or painful or frustrating or just fruitless... but I have positive feelings about even the "bad" outcomes of these self-aware choices--if nothing else, I did the best I could and I learned something from them. Looking back, I feel bad about the choices I made carelessly, because I "should" or I thought someone else wanted me to, or because I was too lazy or afraid to think about it... Even when they came out "well", I didn't feel like the success belonged to me.
Deciding where my heart is, and making time & energy to pursue it... comes out of reflection, as I said. It is important to me to note that it is a two-way process. Looking ahead, I think: I will become "the kind of person who does X" by doing X, so look for choices that allow me to act as the person I want to become, and put my energy where I want it. Looking back I think, the things I have given my time and energy to--the things that wonout in an either-or choice--are the things that have been important to me; thinking something I didn't support through choice & action was important to me is just self-delusion. Does that make sense? These became very important life-organizing principles for me, as I realized them.
A few years ago I decided I wanted to be a person in better physical shape, so I looked for opportunities to choose little changes to work toward that. Now, looking back, I can say that I have become a person who values and pursues fitness, because I run and do weight training and eat healthfully pretty consistently: evidently, that's important to me. Now, I have some interests that I can fairly say are not important to me, because when I have to choose, I don't choose to work at them. Of course, what's important to me can change at any point, based on my situational choices.
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Date: 7/13/07 02:43 pm (UTC)At bottom, my choices & compromises come from reflection about what I need, what I want, in the moment when I face the choice, and what I can predict given what I know then. I've made some choices with this thinking that didn't come out as I hoped, that were expensive or painful or frustrating or just fruitless... but I have positive feelings about even the "bad" outcomes of these self-aware choices--if nothing else, I did the best I could and I learned something from them. Looking back, I feel bad about the choices I made carelessly, because I "should" or I thought someone else wanted me to, or because I was too lazy or afraid to think about it... Even when they came out "well", I didn't feel like the success belonged to me.
Deciding where my heart is, and making time & energy to pursue it... comes out of reflection, as I said. It is important to me to note that it is a two-way process. Looking ahead, I think: I will become "the kind of person who does X" by doing X, so look for choices that allow me to act as the person I want to become, and put my energy where I want it. Looking back I think, the things I have given my time and energy to--the things that wonout in an either-or choice--are the things that have been important to me; thinking something I didn't support through choice & action was important to me is just self-delusion. Does that make sense? These became very important life-organizing principles for me, as I realized them.
A few years ago I decided I wanted to be a person in better physical shape, so I looked for opportunities to choose little changes to work toward that. Now, looking back, I can say that I have become a person who values and pursues fitness, because I run and do weight training and eat healthfully pretty consistently: evidently, that's important to me. Now, I have some interests that I can fairly say are not important to me, because when I have to choose, I don't choose to work at them. Of course, what's important to me can change at any point, based on my situational choices.