WIP meme

[resonant]

For some reason I have the hankering to do jjtaylor's Works In Progress meme again. Even though, embarrassingly enough, all but two of the ones I mentioned the last time remain undone. Ahem.



Flaregun

Adult authority figures: Why would a good student like you want anything to do with a delinquent like Bender?
Brian: Have you looked at the guy? He just oozes sexuality. We're talking serious geek fantasy material here. Look, get him in here and watch him walk, I dare you, just take a look --
Adult authority figures: Must be a cry for help.

Field Conditions

Rodney: All I'm saying it, she calls it a "smutlet," and presumably even on whatever planet she's from, the suffix '-let' still indicates 'small,' right?
John: Yes, Rodney, you're still right.
Rodney: And if it's small, she ought to be able to finish it quickly, wouldn't you say?
John: I would say. I have said.
Rodney: And yet this story has allegedly been 'in progress' for three months. I think she's using a definition of 'progress' that I'm not familiar with.
John: Still not arguing.
Rodney: Three months in a stalled sex scene. Can you imagine anything that could make that worse?
John: Maybe one thing.

Icebreaker

Remus: War's over, and I don't know whether I want to commit homicide or suicide.
Harry: Drink this. I had some and now all I want to commit is fornication.
Remus: No way would you say 'fornication.'
Harry: No way would you say 'no way.'
Snape: [clears throat] If I may interrupt this spirited debate? [waits for full attention] Thank you. Now. Due to my Looming And Tortured Backstory, I know a great deal about the potion in question, and --
[door slams open. Enter julad, swinging an enormous sword]
Julad: Halt! It is I, the bearer of the Righteous Sword of Characterization! [lays about with the sword, overturning furniture, breaking all the windows, ripping the curtains to shreds, and pulverizing Remus' teacup]
[Exit Julad. Long silence.]
Harry [head appearing over the back of the overturned chair] Is it safe?
Snape: That woman is a menace. [Takes one side of desk; glares at Harry until Harry lifts the other side]
Remus: You could say that. [points wand at bits of teacup and reassembles them] Where were we?
Snape: I believe a potion-fueled bacchanal was in the offing.
Harry [looks blank]
Remus: He means we were going to fuck.
Harry: Right, right.
[door slams open. Enter Rowling, swinging an enormous sword]
Rowling: Halt! It is I, the bearer of the Righteous Sword of Canon!
Remus [shielding teacup with body] Shit.

Giant Orig-Slash Wallow

Alien: Welcome to the Planet of the Aliens Who Want You To Have Sex.
Scholar and Bad Boy: Why?
[Alien does a highly alien thing that makes a whistling noise. Two large burly men come in carrying boxes the size of suitcases]
Alien: Here you go. This is the backstory on where you are, how you got here, and why our culture is the way it is.
Scholar: Well then. Sex it is, I suppose.
Bad Boy: I am severely traumatized by this.
Scholar: Why?
[Bad Boy does a nifty two-finger whistle. In come four burly men carrying boxes the size of washing machines.]
Bad Boy: There you go. This is the story of my entire life before I met you. 's all in there.
Scholar: Ah. I ought to mention, then, that I am angst-ridden at the thought of traumatizing you, even to save us from inscrutable alien punishments.
Bad Boy: How come?
[Scholar attempts two-finger whistle, attempts regular whistle, gives it up and shouts, "Hey!" Eight burly men come in with hand trucks on which are boxes the size of refrigerators.]
Scholar [standing on tiptoe so his head is visible above the boxes] There you are. This is the backstory on our mission and our relationship and our team. It's equivalent to three or four seasons of an hourlong television drama.
[Bad Boy, who's a little shorter than Scholar and can't be seen behind the boxes, says something inaudible.]
Scholar: Pardon?
[Bad Boy's head appears and disappears over the top of a box; evidently he's jumping up and down]
Bad Boy: I said -- her other stories -- don't seem to have -- so many fucking -- boxes.
Scholar: I believe this is why she writes fanfic.
Bad Boy: On the upside -- it's nice and -- private -- back here.
Scholar: I thought you were traumatized.
Bad Boy: If you don't -- open any -- boxes -- I'm a -- blank slate.
Scholar: Well, except for the name.
Bad Boy: Yeah, lemme -- show you -- how I got that.

Inconsiderate

Vecchio: I don't believe it.
Kowalski: What's that?
Vecchio: That -- that -- She's forgotten all about us.
Kowalski: Looks like it.
Vecchio: Do you think this Shay person might be able to maker her get her ass back in gear?
Kowalski: [shrugs] I'm sure we can think of something to do in the meantime.
Vecchio: Easy for you to say. You're not the one who's been on the verge of orgasm since early July.

Lexicon

Female girl-type person who may or may not be Hermione Granger: I know oodles of sexy words. Want to hear some?
Female girl-type person who has no idea who she is: I have no idea who I am.
Maybe-Hermione: That's probably because I have no significant relationships with other girls, but what's important is that I'm going to use these words on your body in a really sexy way.
Other girl: Hermi -- uh -- girl, doesn't it even bother you that the author doesn't know who I am?
Maybe-Hermione: I'll bet that's why she hasn't finished the story yet.
Other girl: Why hasn't she thrown it out yet, then?
Maybe-Hermione: Well, she's noticed the similarity between 'nipple' and 'nibble,' see --
Other girl: Ohhhh.
Hermione: Yeah.
Other girl: I can wait.

The Bare Word

McCool: What's the hold-up here, then?
Hornblower: The author can't quite bridge the gap between the canon and the wild sodomy which was to come after.
McCool: Perhaps I could give her some tips. My allotted lifespan is rapidly running out.
Hornblower: Also, her grasp of the proper vocal cadences of an Irish storyteller is ... well, one doesn't like to be unkind ...
McCool: Out with it, man.
Hornblower: It's even worse than Forester's.
McCool: [crosses self silently]
Hornblower: Exactly.

Untitled smutlet

Harry: She isn't coming back, is she?
Percy: Doesn't look like it, no.
Harry: Only I've been sitting vacantly on this windowsill since last October.
Percy: I understand a new book has been published. And there was something about Atlantis.
Harry: We're doomed, Perce. She's obviously been talking to Luna Lovegood.

Moominslash

Hemulen: I'm very far from sure that you and I are even anatomically equipped for romance.
Snufkin: Never mind. We're equipped for sweetness; that's all that matters.
Hemulen: Then what do you suppose is preventing her from posting the story and being done with it?
Snufkin: Laziness or residual shame.
Hemulen: My money's on laziness.
Snufkin: Never mind. Have some pancakes.

Pride

Vincent Darracott: Damme, she's forgotten all about us.
Hugo Darracott: Reckon so.
Vincent: She submitted us to 'beta,' whatever means that, and then entirely left us behind.
Hugo: Happen you should be relieved, cousin. You were in grave danger of turning into Draco Malfoy.
Vincent: Who are you calling a Frenchman?

Comments

[neery.livejournal.com]

Oh, I really, really needed a laugh right now. Thank you!
I'd love to do this meme, but my own WIPs are mostly original, so it would probably not be all that interesting.

(I know I'm answering late, but I just returned from vacation.)

...all but two of the ones I mentioned the last time remain undone.

Um... this may be because my brain is smashed from an eleven-hour-long drive, but I can't remember having read any story on which the summaries of the WIPs fit. Which two did you finish?

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Dementor Delta's origfic became Exog, which I took down because I'm trying to sell it. The other finished one was the DS story Campfire Tales. (http://trickster.org/res/campfire.html)