WIP meme

[resonant]

For some reason I have the hankering to do jjtaylor's Works In Progress meme again. Even though, embarrassingly enough, all but two of the ones I mentioned the last time remain undone. Ahem.



Flaregun

Adult authority figures: Why would a good student like you want anything to do with a delinquent like Bender?
Brian: Have you looked at the guy? He just oozes sexuality. We're talking serious geek fantasy material here. Look, get him in here and watch him walk, I dare you, just take a look --
Adult authority figures: Must be a cry for help.

Field Conditions

Rodney: All I'm saying it, she calls it a "smutlet," and presumably even on whatever planet she's from, the suffix '-let' still indicates 'small,' right?
John: Yes, Rodney, you're still right.
Rodney: And if it's small, she ought to be able to finish it quickly, wouldn't you say?
John: I would say. I have said.
Rodney: And yet this story has allegedly been 'in progress' for three months. I think she's using a definition of 'progress' that I'm not familiar with.
John: Still not arguing.
Rodney: Three months in a stalled sex scene. Can you imagine anything that could make that worse?
John: Maybe one thing.

Icebreaker

Remus: War's over, and I don't know whether I want to commit homicide or suicide.
Harry: Drink this. I had some and now all I want to commit is fornication.
Remus: No way would you say 'fornication.'
Harry: No way would you say 'no way.'
Snape: [clears throat] If I may interrupt this spirited debate? [waits for full attention] Thank you. Now. Due to my Looming And Tortured Backstory, I know a great deal about the potion in question, and --
[door slams open. Enter julad, swinging an enormous sword]
Julad: Halt! It is I, the bearer of the Righteous Sword of Characterization! [lays about with the sword, overturning furniture, breaking all the windows, ripping the curtains to shreds, and pulverizing Remus' teacup]
[Exit Julad. Long silence.]
Harry [head appearing over the back of the overturned chair] Is it safe?
Snape: That woman is a menace. [Takes one side of desk; glares at Harry until Harry lifts the other side]
Remus: You could say that. [points wand at bits of teacup and reassembles them] Where were we?
Snape: I believe a potion-fueled bacchanal was in the offing.
Harry [looks blank]
Remus: He means we were going to fuck.
Harry: Right, right.
[door slams open. Enter Rowling, swinging an enormous sword]
Rowling: Halt! It is I, the bearer of the Righteous Sword of Canon!
Remus [shielding teacup with body] Shit.

Giant Orig-Slash Wallow

Alien: Welcome to the Planet of the Aliens Who Want You To Have Sex.
Scholar and Bad Boy: Why?
[Alien does a highly alien thing that makes a whistling noise. Two large burly men come in carrying boxes the size of suitcases]
Alien: Here you go. This is the backstory on where you are, how you got here, and why our culture is the way it is.
Scholar: Well then. Sex it is, I suppose.
Bad Boy: I am severely traumatized by this.
Scholar: Why?
[Bad Boy does a nifty two-finger whistle. In come four burly men carrying boxes the size of washing machines.]
Bad Boy: There you go. This is the story of my entire life before I met you. 's all in there.
Scholar: Ah. I ought to mention, then, that I am angst-ridden at the thought of traumatizing you, even to save us from inscrutable alien punishments.
Bad Boy: How come?
[Scholar attempts two-finger whistle, attempts regular whistle, gives it up and shouts, "Hey!" Eight burly men come in with hand trucks on which are boxes the size of refrigerators.]
Scholar [standing on tiptoe so his head is visible above the boxes] There you are. This is the backstory on our mission and our relationship and our team. It's equivalent to three or four seasons of an hourlong television drama.
[Bad Boy, who's a little shorter than Scholar and can't be seen behind the boxes, says something inaudible.]
Scholar: Pardon?
[Bad Boy's head appears and disappears over the top of a box; evidently he's jumping up and down]
Bad Boy: I said -- her other stories -- don't seem to have -- so many fucking -- boxes.
Scholar: I believe this is why she writes fanfic.
Bad Boy: On the upside -- it's nice and -- private -- back here.
Scholar: I thought you were traumatized.
Bad Boy: If you don't -- open any -- boxes -- I'm a -- blank slate.
Scholar: Well, except for the name.
Bad Boy: Yeah, lemme -- show you -- how I got that.

Inconsiderate

Vecchio: I don't believe it.
Kowalski: What's that?
Vecchio: That -- that -- She's forgotten all about us.
Kowalski: Looks like it.
Vecchio: Do you think this Shay person might be able to maker her get her ass back in gear?
Kowalski: [shrugs] I'm sure we can think of something to do in the meantime.
Vecchio: Easy for you to say. You're not the one who's been on the verge of orgasm since early July.

Lexicon

Female girl-type person who may or may not be Hermione Granger: I know oodles of sexy words. Want to hear some?
Female girl-type person who has no idea who she is: I have no idea who I am.
Maybe-Hermione: That's probably because I have no significant relationships with other girls, but what's important is that I'm going to use these words on your body in a really sexy way.
Other girl: Hermi -- uh -- girl, doesn't it even bother you that the author doesn't know who I am?
Maybe-Hermione: I'll bet that's why she hasn't finished the story yet.
Other girl: Why hasn't she thrown it out yet, then?
Maybe-Hermione: Well, she's noticed the similarity between 'nipple' and 'nibble,' see --
Other girl: Ohhhh.
Hermione: Yeah.
Other girl: I can wait.

The Bare Word

McCool: What's the hold-up here, then?
Hornblower: The author can't quite bridge the gap between the canon and the wild sodomy which was to come after.
McCool: Perhaps I could give her some tips. My allotted lifespan is rapidly running out.
Hornblower: Also, her grasp of the proper vocal cadences of an Irish storyteller is ... well, one doesn't like to be unkind ...
McCool: Out with it, man.
Hornblower: It's even worse than Forester's.
McCool: [crosses self silently]
Hornblower: Exactly.

Untitled smutlet

Harry: She isn't coming back, is she?
Percy: Doesn't look like it, no.
Harry: Only I've been sitting vacantly on this windowsill since last October.
Percy: I understand a new book has been published. And there was something about Atlantis.
Harry: We're doomed, Perce. She's obviously been talking to Luna Lovegood.

Moominslash

Hemulen: I'm very far from sure that you and I are even anatomically equipped for romance.
Snufkin: Never mind. We're equipped for sweetness; that's all that matters.
Hemulen: Then what do you suppose is preventing her from posting the story and being done with it?
Snufkin: Laziness or residual shame.
Hemulen: My money's on laziness.
Snufkin: Never mind. Have some pancakes.

Pride

Vincent Darracott: Damme, she's forgotten all about us.
Hugo Darracott: Reckon so.
Vincent: She submitted us to 'beta,' whatever means that, and then entirely left us behind.
Hugo: Happen you should be relieved, cousin. You were in grave danger of turning into Draco Malfoy.
Vincent: Who are you calling a Frenchman?

Comments

[julia-fractal.livejournal.com]

Like last time, I laughed out loud and I'm rooting for all of your fics to be finished soon.

Don't know if this is a pairing that you'd be interested in for Lexicon, but I could definitely see Irma Pince being intrigued by Hermione's creative word associations :) And I've been hoping for years to see some femmeslash, any femmeslash from you (not that I'm complaining about the marvelous slash you write, mind you!).

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Actually the other person goes back and forth between Ginny and Luna on any given day. I can't quite combine Hermione with a teacher; she'd just be way too easy for someone to exploit, because she cares so much.