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resonantWhat my brain said during a 60-minute massage
-- Heated massage bed **::bliss::**
-- OMG hot flash turn off the heating pad!
-- She's pretty small. Is she strong enough to do this job?
-- I wonder if my therapist is judging me? I have this roll of fat on the back of my neck. I've had it since I was eighteen years old and weighed a hundred and thirty pounds.
-- I've got to get rid of that crib. Wonder what Tim would charge to truck it to the dump?
-- Brain, can't you shut up for a minute? I want to actually experience this massage.
-- Ow ow ow oooh ahhh.
- Nooooo! I don't want you to cover up my shoulders. If you cover up my shoulders that means you're done with them.
-- Wow, that's exactly the spot where my lower back hurts. Carry on, then.
-- I wonder if my therapist is judging me? I didn't shave my legs.
-- Maybe if I scrawled warnings all over the crib with marker, I could put it out for the trash and the trashpickers wouldn't take it.
-- Shut up! Shut up! OK, picturing putting that anxiety in a box and closing the lid ...
-- Maybe if I put out one piece this week and one piece next week?
-- You know perfectly well visualization doesn't work for you. OK, imagine e-mailing it to myself. Hear that little airplane noise that Mac Mail makes when it sends an e-mail.
-- I wonder if my therapist is judging me? I took a shower this morning, but it was really hot in the car and I'm probably all sweaty.
-- If I put all that rock mulch out, would the trash pickers take it?
-- [airplane noise]
-- Can I even lift a bag of rock mulch?
-- [airplane noise]
-- Should have hefted the heavy bags first and gotten the massage second.
-- [airplane noise,] damn you!
-- Why did I bother to pay extra for aromatherapy? Once I've been lying on my face for five minutes, my sinuses clog up so I can't smell anything anyway.
-- Ow ow ooh.
-- Huh. That move she just did, I do to pizza dough sometimes.
-- Note to self: Next time, Neti pot before massage.
-- Noooo! I don't want you to move downward. I want you to go on working my lower back until it turns into cream cheese!
-- If I hadn't had that giant Vietnamese iced coffee, would I maybe be able to shut my brain up?
-- Oh, no. My feet are so ticklish! She's going to tickle me, I know it!
-- Maybe not.
-- I wonder if my therapist is judging me? My heels are pretty crusty.
-- I wonder if massage therapists get to hate people's bodies? Or if somehow you can get to the point where you cherish the bodies of strangers? That would be a spiritual calling, wouldn't it? But nobody can do their jobs like a spiritual calling 40 hours a week, surely?
-- Maybe it's just me who can't.
-- Hungry.
-- How can I be hungry? Just a couple of hours ago I ate all the shu mai in the entire world.
-- Tigers.
-- Why on earth did I just think of tigers? It was very vivid.
-- Monkeys.
-- Noooo! I don't want to turn! If I turn, it means it's half over!
-- Wow. It's dark in here. How can she work in the dark?
-- Warm towel wraps on the feet: heaven.
-- And yet something about the lift-and-wrap movement irresistibly makes me think of diapering a baby.
-- If I fall asleep in this position I'm going to snore so much. That would be embarrassing.
-- Would the spouse notice if I got rid of that ladder while he's gone?
-- [airplane noise]
-- I wonder if my therapist is judging me? It's weird to feel that entire packet of muscle and fat on my calf being rolled from side to side.
-- Wonder why massages are associated with Sweden?
-- Wonder what ever became of the girl from Sweden who was our exchange student when I was sixteen?
-- If I move my legs apart, she's not going to think that's some kind of gross sexual demand, is she? All I want is for her to be able to get at my entire quads.
-- Wonder what sexual massage is actually like. Do they even have that for women? I'll bet it's only for men. The jerks.
-- Nooo! I don't want you to cover up my lower half! I wasn't done with that!
-- Huh. The muscle at the base of my thumb was sore. Who knew.
-- Ow ow ooh.
-- Wonder if you could coordinate the principles of palmistry with the principles of acupressure?
-- Sudden vivid image of my old pen pal's birth announcement, with the close-up photo of the sole of the baby's foot.
-- Wow, this peppermint oil is amazing.
-- Wonder if peppermint oil on the temples would do anything for a hot flash?
-- I'm pretty sure that "All right, hon, you're all done" does not qualify as a "closing ritual."
-- Ack. Lower back needed a few more minutes; it's all stiff now.
-- Should have worn the spa slippers; now my flip-flops are all full of massage oil.
-- This is so going on Dreamwidth.
-- Heated massage bed **::bliss::**
-- OMG hot flash turn off the heating pad!
-- She's pretty small. Is she strong enough to do this job?
-- I wonder if my therapist is judging me? I have this roll of fat on the back of my neck. I've had it since I was eighteen years old and weighed a hundred and thirty pounds.
-- I've got to get rid of that crib. Wonder what Tim would charge to truck it to the dump?
-- Brain, can't you shut up for a minute? I want to actually experience this massage.
-- Ow ow ow oooh ahhh.
- Nooooo! I don't want you to cover up my shoulders. If you cover up my shoulders that means you're done with them.
-- Wow, that's exactly the spot where my lower back hurts. Carry on, then.
-- I wonder if my therapist is judging me? I didn't shave my legs.
-- Maybe if I scrawled warnings all over the crib with marker, I could put it out for the trash and the trashpickers wouldn't take it.
-- Shut up! Shut up! OK, picturing putting that anxiety in a box and closing the lid ...
-- Maybe if I put out one piece this week and one piece next week?
-- You know perfectly well visualization doesn't work for you. OK, imagine e-mailing it to myself. Hear that little airplane noise that Mac Mail makes when it sends an e-mail.
-- I wonder if my therapist is judging me? I took a shower this morning, but it was really hot in the car and I'm probably all sweaty.
-- If I put all that rock mulch out, would the trash pickers take it?
-- [airplane noise]
-- Can I even lift a bag of rock mulch?
-- [airplane noise]
-- Should have hefted the heavy bags first and gotten the massage second.
-- [airplane noise,] damn you!
-- Why did I bother to pay extra for aromatherapy? Once I've been lying on my face for five minutes, my sinuses clog up so I can't smell anything anyway.
-- Ow ow ooh.
-- Huh. That move she just did, I do to pizza dough sometimes.
-- Note to self: Next time, Neti pot before massage.
-- Noooo! I don't want you to move downward. I want you to go on working my lower back until it turns into cream cheese!
-- If I hadn't had that giant Vietnamese iced coffee, would I maybe be able to shut my brain up?
-- Oh, no. My feet are so ticklish! She's going to tickle me, I know it!
-- Maybe not.
-- I wonder if my therapist is judging me? My heels are pretty crusty.
-- I wonder if massage therapists get to hate people's bodies? Or if somehow you can get to the point where you cherish the bodies of strangers? That would be a spiritual calling, wouldn't it? But nobody can do their jobs like a spiritual calling 40 hours a week, surely?
-- Maybe it's just me who can't.
-- Hungry.
-- How can I be hungry? Just a couple of hours ago I ate all the shu mai in the entire world.
-- Tigers.
-- Why on earth did I just think of tigers? It was very vivid.
-- Monkeys.
-- Noooo! I don't want to turn! If I turn, it means it's half over!
-- Wow. It's dark in here. How can she work in the dark?
-- Warm towel wraps on the feet: heaven.
-- And yet something about the lift-and-wrap movement irresistibly makes me think of diapering a baby.
-- If I fall asleep in this position I'm going to snore so much. That would be embarrassing.
-- Would the spouse notice if I got rid of that ladder while he's gone?
-- [airplane noise]
-- I wonder if my therapist is judging me? It's weird to feel that entire packet of muscle and fat on my calf being rolled from side to side.
-- Wonder why massages are associated with Sweden?
-- Wonder what ever became of the girl from Sweden who was our exchange student when I was sixteen?
-- If I move my legs apart, she's not going to think that's some kind of gross sexual demand, is she? All I want is for her to be able to get at my entire quads.
-- Wonder what sexual massage is actually like. Do they even have that for women? I'll bet it's only for men. The jerks.
-- Nooo! I don't want you to cover up my lower half! I wasn't done with that!
-- Huh. The muscle at the base of my thumb was sore. Who knew.
-- Ow ow ooh.
-- Wonder if you could coordinate the principles of palmistry with the principles of acupressure?
-- Sudden vivid image of my old pen pal's birth announcement, with the close-up photo of the sole of the baby's foot.
-- Wow, this peppermint oil is amazing.
-- Wonder if peppermint oil on the temples would do anything for a hot flash?
-- I'm pretty sure that "All right, hon, you're all done" does not qualify as a "closing ritual."
-- Ack. Lower back needed a few more minutes; it's all stiff now.
-- Should have worn the spa slippers; now my flip-flops are all full of massage oil.
-- This is so going on Dreamwidth.