A possibly unwise post

[resonant]

I don't want to cause anyone pain or add to anyone's burdens.

But if you have depression or an anxiety disorder, and you've been putting off getting treatment because of the familiar litany of internalized self-hatred --

... Other people have it much worse than I do ...
... I'm not really sick; I just need to suck it up and deal with real life ...
... My pain is not important enough to justify professional help; I'd just be wasting someone's time ...
... Really most of it I'm just making up or exaggerating ...
... I can work, so I must be fine, right? ...

-- then what I want to say to you is this: If you were to go out today and find a counselor (or a different counselor, one who works better for you), I can promise you that there is someone in your life, someone who loves you, who would be so happy. Someone who would feel like it was their birthday and the FedEx truck just pulled up in front of their house. Someone who would feel like some horrible ear-splitting noise had just suddenly ceased.

Is this selfish of me? Possibly. If it sounds like that to you, ignore it; as I say, I don't want to make anyone's life more difficult. But if you're not treating your pain because you think that you're the only one who has to live with it, I can assure you that you're mistaken.

Comments

[kumquatweekend]

It's very possible I needed to hear this. That litany sounds far too familiar.

But it also includes, "... We barely have enough to make it through the month. That money would be coming out of the grocey budget..."

So there's that.

[sara]

I don't think it's unwise, and I've been living with chronic depression and an anxiety disorder for more than twenty years.

When you live with this thing, your brain lies to you. No matter how smart you are. Sometimes there are things you can do to make it lie a little more quietly or less often.

[malnpudl]

That is so very well stated. Yes. Exactly.

(More than 40 years, here.)

[daemonluna]

Yes. This. As someone with a spouse with chronic pain problems and all the resultant fun side effects, medication-related and otherwise, yes.

[ecaterin]

This is definitely worth saying. Those of us who deal with this crap for decades easily fall into the deception that we're compensating well....when anyone who loves us could tell us we're not. Even if you were very balanced on your meds 5 years ago, you might not be now - ask your spouse & friends, cause you just can't trust your own evaluation when it's your own brain you're evaluating :)

[says the person who has known she needs a tertiary anxiety med for about 18 months.....gotta make that appt.]

[amberfox]

For years, decades really, my mother assumed that everyone had random suicidal impulses but just never felt the need to talk about. After seeing how much "getting help" helped me, we were finally able to convince her to try something herself, and she says it's made a world of difference. She still has crappy days, but she doesn't think about "accidentally" driving the car into a bridge support anymore, so I'm calling it good.

[poala]

It took me a long time to realize how much i was hurting my family and friends. Now that I have been medicated for about two months I realize that I should have taken this step years ago. Anti Depressants are not that expensive mine cost me eight dollars a month. I feel better my family feels better and being able to not only get out of bed but to want to get out of bed is amazing.

[amalthia]

It's sort of scary that I've used every one of those lines to justify not getting help for my own depression and anxiety. I really should seek help. When I'm having good days I can sort of think that maybe the bad days are over but then when the bad days happen I'm too unmotivated to do anything to help myself.

[misspamela]

Yes. YES. The amount of compensating someone has to do when living with someone with mental illness is so much more than anyone can imagine. And how many times you say, "Maybe if I do ____, they'll have a better day," then taking it personally when they don't.

[incidental_fire]

I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to butt in here for a minute - I hear you that there's never enough money to go around, and it's so hard to make a decision supporting your own mental health when the feeding of other people is at stake. One thing I would suggest is that there's often free or low-cost services available at training clinics, if there are any near you (often associated with universities). Do you have to see a trainee? Usually, yeah, but they're typically supervised to within an inch of their lives, so in many ways you're still getting the experience of a seasoned professional.

Anyway, I know that people often aren't aware of resources like that, so I just wanted to offer a suggestion.

[beledibabe]

::wild applause::

Thank you!

[fox]

a) [applause]

b) [[[hugs]]]

[riverlight]

And I'll chime in too to say that my therapist—who is an intern, and who therefore is much much cheaper than could be—is amazing, seriously. So it's a good suggestion.

[jelazakazone]

Also, if there isn't a university nearby, there is probably some other place that has services with a sliding scale.

I'm sorry your finances are so tight right now.

[riverlight]

Applause for this post, and big hugs to everyone who posted in response!

[linaerys]

It was realizing this that made me get help in the first place, three and a half years ago. I wasn't willing to do it for myself, but I was willing to do it for my husband. I hope this helps someone--I think it can be a very helpful, not selfish, message, because sometimes that is the push people need.

[laurashapiro]

I agree 100%. Thanks for saying it.

[resonant]

That's very difficult.

The person in question was very sure that it would be financially burdensome, but when someone else (well, I) did some research, it turned out that in that case the employer's insurance paid for everything; there weren't even any co-pays. I do know that not everyone is that lucky, however.

[resonant]

When you live with this thing, your brain lies to you.

OMG, yes. I read an article once that said, "Not feeling that the disorder is worthy of treatment is a symptom of the disorder." One of nature's evil little ironies.

[carmencatalina.livejournal.com]

Ouch.

I suppose the fact that this post is so unpleasant for me to read probably means something . . .

[greenlily]

Yes. Yes. Especially this: Someone who would feel like some horrible ear-splitting noise had just suddenly ceased.

[lookfar.livejournal.com]

As someone who has gotten lots of therapy, and is a therapist, and has pushed her husband to address mental health issues, I give you a hearty cheer for this post. And yes, a disease that makes you think you don't have a disease - that's a perfect description of depression. And there are many different treatments to suit different personalities; CBT is more standardized than the usual psychodynamic psychotherapy, meds can help but you can get better even if they don't, and lots of people get better just by addressing it consciously.

[giglet]

Might be unwise, but someone's gotta speak truth to depression.

Thank you.

[sanj]

This is right. Any university with a counseling program has graduate student interns who usually work for free; I am one such student. These students are closely supervised, usually by an on-site supervisor and a university advisor.

There are also often free community clinics who specialize in substance abuse problems. They may or may not do other mental health care work, but they will always have referrals for free or sliding-scale providers.

Good luck. It's frustrating having to be your own rescue when you are depressed. But you can do it.

[sanj]

This is why I think everyone should have a counselor, like a dentist. If we were in the habit of getting regular check-ups, or we had a number on our fridge for when things weren't going well, then maybe we wouldn't have to face the effort of trying to find help when we feel unmotivated or too anxious to make good decisions.

Even having someone on call doesn't always work, but it can help. That's why trying to find a therapist while you are in relatively good spirits is a good idea. Like you said: when you are are having a bad day, it's too much work to have to lift yourself up.

Hang in there.