Overheard

[resonant]

I am not pleased. I've lost a notebook that had about a third of my current wip in it, along with sundry assorted other things that I don't even remember what they are. I very much fear that this means I will have to clean dusty places.

Anyhow. Here, have some kidlet-heavy overheards.

Kidlet: "I thought you were going to let me have the house to myself today! Put your shoes on and leave! Shoo! Shoo and be shod!"



At Starbucks: "Kathy's semi-evil."

kidlet: "We're playing mad dogs. I'm playing [dead neighbor's German shepherd], only I have rabies."
Robin: "I'm playing my neighbor's dog, Trey."
Other girl: "I'm playing a pit bull. But I'm a vampire."
Robin: "I have a mean owner. His name is Richard."
Other girl: "My owner's even meaner. His name's Charlie."
[pause]
Me to kidlet: "Do you have an owner?"
kidlet [significantly]: "I *did* ..."

At Starbucks: "Hey, whipped cream is a learning experience."

PA system in hospital cafeteria (while I'm there for my mother's hip surgery): "We have a code green in the birthing center."
Uniformed women: "Code green? What is that, abduction? Baby abduction? ... oh, emergency C-section."

Woman in hospital elevator, wearing hospital gown: "I'm making a break for it. Don't tell anyone."

In hospital waiting room: "That was when I was young, because that was when Grand-Daisy was still alive."

In hospital waiting room: "Remember when Benny shot me in the head with a BB gun? My sister said, 'Is that loaded?' and he said, 'Yeah -- you wanna see?' My papa took me between his legs and dug it out with a pocket knife. And then he locked Benny in the freezer."

At library: "How do you know what dirt tastes like?"

Spouse: "If you meet someone who says there's no absolute morality, you should steal his wallet."

Me: "But instead of some real tension, she spends the whole scene saying, like, 'I wuv you!'"
Kidlet: "In my experience, if the characters can't pronounce their L's when they're together, it's not going to be a very satisfying romance."

At Starbucks: "Did you make it with love?"
"It's Halloween, so I mixed a little hate in there."
"I always make mine with deep ambivalence."

Me [singing] "You nor I nor anyone know how oats, peas, beans, and barley grow."
Kidlet: "They grow by the process of photosynthesis."

Me: "If I talk about crying, I cry. It's very weird. If I talk about blushing, I blush."
Little Trouble: "Let's talk about pooping."

At coffee shop: "Can you put Daddy on the phone, baby? ... Well, if you hurt your toes, why do you need a bandaid on your knee?"

Kidlet: "Coffee is to chocolate as mushrooms are to meat sauce. It makes it more so."

Kidlet: "It's just existence, kitty. Nothing to worry about."

The Head Monkey: "Lower than whaleshit."
Me: "Why is whaleshit low?"
The Head Monkey: "It's at the bottom of the sea."

Random youth group member: "I don't think we could acquire that much Jack Daniels and still be a church."

Elder: "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. In case you should ever want flies."

Me: "Every summer I say, 'When things quiet down, I'll get some work done,' and then I never do."
Elder: "That's because by the time things quiet down, you're an old woman and you don't have the energy to get any work done."

In movie theater: "Here, smell this."

Me: "This pocket in the car door is full of melted crayons and bits of cicada shell."
Kidlet: "That's what I keep in there. Melted crayons and bits of cicada shell."

Comments

[anatsuno]

Oh my god, your child. So awesome, every time. AND FULL OF DEEP TRUTHS.
"Coffee is to chocolate as mushrooms are to meat sauce. It makes it more so."
YES, YES IT DOES.