December Daily: dreams
Dec. 5th, 2014 08:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
resonantpanisdead prompts: dreams. Any way you choose to interpret.I've been fascinated by dreams since I was in the fourth grade. I have a fair number of flying dreams, which are wonderful, and a fair number of tedious to-do-list dreams, which are annoying. Once I dreamed I lay down and took a nap. Very restful.
A dream category I pay special attention to is one where I'm responsible for spaces, or possessions, or both -- I feel like those dreams represent my self. Sometimes I'm overjoyed to discover that I have a second kitchen I didn't know about, or a library full of comic books that I don't know anything about but suspect might be valuable. Sometimes it's a horrible burden, full of unpleasant messes that only get worse with neglect.
Not long after Dad died, I dreamed that a big storage container was brought up to the house, full of stuff from all phases of my life -- stuff from when I was a kid, ancestral stuff from my father's family (including the china that I hate and live in fear of inheriting), stuff from every relative's house I've visited. The cabinet where my favorite aunt used to keep the coloring books, the table where my war-bride aunt used to lay out tiny pies on a silver tray on a tartan cloth.
And everyone on Dad's side of the family who was alive as of about fifteen years ago was there, going through all that stuff and trading stories and planning who got what.
I kicked myself when I woke up. My favorite aunt has been dead for years, and I'd give anything to give her a hug. And Dad! Dad was right there! And I didn't hug him or say anything important to him -- our whole conversation was "Sure" and "No, thank you" and "Yes, I remember," and I never even saw his face.
But it felt like a gift.
Recently I've started doing therapeutic yoga, which is like a cross between restorative yoga (i.e. stretchy-restful as opposed to muscley-strength-building) and I guess hypnotism. The instructor will put us in a position, set us up to stay for a while, and then ask a question or make a statement. And while I'm in these sessions, I don't fall asleep, but I dream.
In the first session, I was thinking of someone who hurt me badly many years ago. I was thinking that I'd like to let go of my resentment and make a fresh start -- and then I was thinking that, no, actually I didn't want that -- but I wanted to want it, and I couldn't figure out why I didn't want it.
I dreamed that I was hurrying along behind her, and I was carrying a heavy, unwieldy, poorly packed bag of books that belonged to her. Things kept falling out, and I'd stop and pick them up and stuff them back in the bag.
The instructor (in my head) asked me, "Do you value what's in the bag?"
"Are you kidding me? I hate all this stuff. It's her stuff, not mine."
"Why don't you put it down?"
"Because one of these days she's going to stop walking. And when that happens, I'm going to make her take it, and I'm going to hear her say it was wrong of her to burden me with it and make me carry it. And ... apparently I want that more than I want not to be carrying it."
(no subject)
Date: 12/6/14 08:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 12/6/14 01:52 pm (UTC)(And also very curious about therapeutic yoga. I would be shocked if there weren't classes in this town; I'll have to look).
How wonderful to dream about your dad and relatives in such a pleasant and homey manner. It sounds familiar and comforting, whether you hugged anyone or not.
When my parents first got to town to visit last month, I had a dream where my sister sat on my lap and sulked while I hugged and fussed over her. When I woke up I remember thinking, "She's sad because she's not here with the rest of us."
(no subject)
Date: 12/6/14 05:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 12/7/14 08:17 pm (UTC)