The soft No
Feb. 6th, 2021 06:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
resonantDue to Covid, the spouse is encountering an experience a lot of women are going to relate to, and he doesn't like it one bit.
The virus is just arriving in the conservative small town where the spouse is a pastor. His little tiny church has had one death and has 7 current cases. A pastor comes into contact with a LOT of vulnerable people and has the power to spread a LOT of virus, so he has to be careful. But wearing a mask or curtailing activities means getting some ribbing.
A number of community groups are trying to launch a new community center with continuing education, a food pantry, etc. They keep scheduling in-person meetings, and the spouse keeps having to say, "I'll need to join by Zoom," so they'll all get together in a restaurant, and they'll put a laptop on the table for him.
One particular guy keeps inviting the spouse to social get-togethers in restaurants or in his home. Every time, the spouse has turned him down politely but not with any kind of pointed explanation. The invitations keep coming, and they don't get any safer.
The spouse says, "I guess I really need to sit him down and say, 'Look, I'm not doing in-person socializing until the health department tells me that's a safe thing to do.'"
And I said, "Yes, you probably should, even though it will probably get you mocked. But you shouldn't have to. You're giving him a soft No, and he's not getting the message, and now you know what it's like."
I told him he might as well think of it as cosplaying a '50s virgin. He liked that. "I can say No over and over. It's my Moral Duty."
The virus is just arriving in the conservative small town where the spouse is a pastor. His little tiny church has had one death and has 7 current cases. A pastor comes into contact with a LOT of vulnerable people and has the power to spread a LOT of virus, so he has to be careful. But wearing a mask or curtailing activities means getting some ribbing.
A number of community groups are trying to launch a new community center with continuing education, a food pantry, etc. They keep scheduling in-person meetings, and the spouse keeps having to say, "I'll need to join by Zoom," so they'll all get together in a restaurant, and they'll put a laptop on the table for him.
One particular guy keeps inviting the spouse to social get-togethers in restaurants or in his home. Every time, the spouse has turned him down politely but not with any kind of pointed explanation. The invitations keep coming, and they don't get any safer.
The spouse says, "I guess I really need to sit him down and say, 'Look, I'm not doing in-person socializing until the health department tells me that's a safe thing to do.'"
And I said, "Yes, you probably should, even though it will probably get you mocked. But you shouldn't have to. You're giving him a soft No, and he's not getting the message, and now you know what it's like."
I told him he might as well think of it as cosplaying a '50s virgin. He liked that. "I can say No over and over. It's my Moral Duty."
(no subject)
Date: 2/7/21 12:45 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2/7/21 12:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2/7/21 03:26 am (UTC)As the local cases occur in your spouse's congregation, may he stay strong and healthy, caring for himself as well as his congregants.
(no subject)
Date: 2/7/21 12:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2/7/21 05:26 pm (UTC)*sends him continued strength*
(no subject)
Date: 2/7/21 07:04 pm (UTC)You named that tune -- twice.
I'm sorry that folks in his town are needlessly putting themselves at risk.
(no subject)
Date: 2/7/21 08:22 pm (UTC)Unfortunately that isolation means (1) they're very dependent on regional healthcare, without much available there in town, and (2) people were able to get complacent.
(no subject)
Date: 2/7/21 11:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2/7/21 11:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2/7/21 11:04 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2/7/21 11:06 pm (UTC)We got married in 1989 A while back, we were talking about how within our lifetime the law said a married woman couldn't have her own bank account or her own credit card, and I said, "Yeah, I did research before we got married to make sure I wasn't going to lose any legal rights," and he was SHOCKED.
(no subject)
Date: 2/7/21 11:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2/7/21 11:47 pm (UTC)Yyyyyyyyyep.
(My sympathies to spouse, also. As a smalltown clergyperson I feel some of his pain on this one. But fortunately most of my people here are respecting this boundary...)
(no subject)
Date: 2/8/21 02:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2/8/21 04:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2/8/21 10:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2/10/21 08:11 pm (UTC)