More Boring Smut
Jul. 8th, 2003 04:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
resonantBoring sex scene warning #2: "The rhythmic contractions were enough to push him over the edge too."
(Continuing the rant I began here.)
Politically, I find it a little unsettling that slashers, of all people, continue to consider the simultaneous orgasm to be the pinnacle of erotic fantasy.
As a reader, I'm about as happy with a two-orgasms-in-one-sentence special as I would be about a combined Christmas and birthday gift.
I like stories where A comes, and then opens his eyes to see B watching him, just holding back so he can see. I like stories where X comes when Y is right on the edge and going nearly crazy because of the delay. I like stories where M comes, and N grins at him, and then there's a nice long pause and a drink of water and some talking about what to do next before they get started again.
What I don't like are stories where J gets an orgasm and K gets a footnote.
(Continuing the rant I began here.)
Politically, I find it a little unsettling that slashers, of all people, continue to consider the simultaneous orgasm to be the pinnacle of erotic fantasy.
As a reader, I'm about as happy with a two-orgasms-in-one-sentence special as I would be about a combined Christmas and birthday gift.
I like stories where A comes, and then opens his eyes to see B watching him, just holding back so he can see. I like stories where X comes when Y is right on the edge and going nearly crazy because of the delay. I like stories where M comes, and N grins at him, and then there's a nice long pause and a drink of water and some talking about what to do next before they get started again.
What I don't like are stories where J gets an orgasm and K gets a footnote.
"Ah -- christ, yes, just there, just -- ahh!" he cried, and his movements lost all rhythm as he crushed their mouths together and came.** Ibid.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 7/8/03 02:16 pm (UTC)Thanks! *g*
(no subject)
Date: 7/8/03 02:31 pm (UTC)The problem is, I spend so long trying to get them to the point of actually having sex that I'm then kind of stumped at what to do with them. Which is lazy. But, heck, flashfiction! I get a pass when I'm keeping it under a thousand, right?
All the same, you're giving me ideas. Hmm... maybe I'll put off my homework a little longer.
(no subject)
Date: 7/8/03 02:49 pm (UTC)Wait, I sulk. Plus I owe you a birthday present.
(no subject)
Date: 7/11/03 12:01 pm (UTC)But if something I write results in your neglecting other things in favor of smut-writing, then it's for the greater good, say I.
(no subject)
Date: 7/8/03 03:18 pm (UTC)Well-put! Brava.
Of course, with this as with your previous related rant, I find myself a little shamefaced, because of course I'm sure I've written these things myself. But hey: it's a learning process, right? (And it's not that simultaneous orgasms *never* work in fiction; it's just the usage of them as a default signifier for "this means they really love each other, see, they came together" which really sucks.)
Right?
(no subject)
Date: 7/11/03 12:02 pm (UTC)I suppose not all readers are as shameless as I am ... oh, who am I kidding. Of course they are.
metaquotes
Date: 7/8/03 03:22 pm (UTC)http://www.livejournal.com/community/metaquotes/
That deserves to be shared.
(no subject)
Date: 7/11/03 12:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/8/03 03:31 pm (UTC)I like stories where M comes, and N grins at him, and then there's a nice long pause and a drink of water and some talking about what to do next before they get started again.
To sorta riff off the previous rant--this has the potential to be boring as hell: Orgasm One and Orgasm Two, if plodding and pedantic, could be neck and neck with Let's Retire to the Bedroom in the Dullness Sweepstakes. And two orgasms together can be as hot as blazes. Neither is inherently great or inherently boring.
(no subject)
Date: 7/11/03 12:04 pm (UTC)It's different if you find something sexy about simultaneity itself; then, of course, that would offset the fact that you're only getting to read about one orgasm. I don't find simultaneity sexy, so I just end up feeling deprived.
And the world owes me sex, after all.
(no subject)
Date: 7/8/03 03:53 pm (UTC)Simultaneous orgasms happen rarely enough in life...it makes one wonder why they're so prevalent in fiction. Or maybe that *is* why.
BTW, the first rant ended up getting RayV a blowjob just inside the door of RayK's apartment (instead of moving it to the bedroom). It makes me wonder what this is going to get the boys I'm writing now.
Bless you for ranting!
(no subject)
Date: 7/11/03 12:05 pm (UTC)See, if Ray were real, he'd owe me a nice thank-you note right about now ...
(no subject)
Date: 7/8/03 03:59 pm (UTC)In my defense, I don't think simultaneity signals anything other than dumb luck (or lack thereof; it may be perhaps TMI to say that I prefer nonsimultaneity in my personal orgasmic life, because it's so much harder to enjoy someone else's orgasm when you're being distracted by your own). So in general, I agree, and I solemnly swear to allow all parties distinct and individual climaxes from here on out.
(no subject)
Date: 7/11/03 12:06 pm (UTC)Exactly!
I agree, and I solemnly swear to allow all parties distinct and individual climaxes from here on out.
[laughing] You'll notice that I haven't been complaining about male multiple orgasms, which are probably just as uncommon, but are sexy as hell to read.
(no subject)
Date: 7/8/03 04:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/11/03 12:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/8/03 04:58 pm (UTC)What I really wanted to comment on was the phrase "over the edge". I've written it myself, and there's nothing intrinsically wrong with it, but I've developed a strong dislike for it. And that's unfortunate, since it's apparently become the slash default version of "he came". *G*
I worry sometimes that I'll just keep developing pet peeves until I won't be able to read or write slash anymore. I'll have to go off and write gen fic for the Gilmore Girls or something. *G*
Aieeee!
Date: 7/8/03 08:38 pm (UTC)I utterly, absolutely refuse to let you read any slash ever again!! Put those peeves on a leash and write that smut, girl.:)
Re: Aieeee!
Date: 7/8/03 09:48 pm (UTC)I guess that's the key, though, huh? When I get cranky and tired of what I'm reading, that's a sign it's time to refocus on my own writing.
I'll take a break when your long-awaited Hawaii AU comes out, though. *G*
(no subject)
Date: 7/11/03 12:07 pm (UTC)Oh, yikes. I overuse that one so badly. [making vow of better behavior in future]
(no subject)
Date: 7/8/03 05:28 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/8/03 05:51 pm (UTC)Yes, yes, yes. I mean, what's wrong with them coming separately? Who feels slighted because they didn't make it at the same time? Besides, not only is simultaneous orgasm incredibly hard to manage and thus the abundance of it pretty silly, but doing the same thing over and over is going to get boring, period.
(no subject)
Date: 7/11/03 12:08 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 7/11/03 11:03 pm (UTC)Endlessly Arrowing
Date: 7/8/03 06:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/11/03 12:11 pm (UTC)You would think.
This reminds me of another (another!) pet peeve of mine: "Rock-hard." I mean, (1): Getting rid of verbal party-crashers ("Hey, it's me, Hard! Hope you don't mind, but I brought along my buddy, Rock. We go everywhere together!") is what the editing process is for.
And (2): It doesn't feel anything like a rock.
(no subject)
Date: 7/8/03 08:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/11/03 12:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/03 02:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/03 05:43 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 7/9/03 11:54 am (UTC)Which is another way of saying that yes, I agree with you it's trite, but OTOH, if the simulO fulfills some fannish chicks' fantasies, I'm willing to put up with it if they'd just stop writing all the *other* bad things that get written on a regular basis, fulfilling nobody's fantasy at all!
(no subject)
Date: 7/11/03 12:13 pm (UTC)You mean you don't have fantasies involving mayonnaise used as lube? or characters inventing stupid nicknames for each other?
(no subject)
Date: 7/21/03 07:58 pm (UTC)by Miriam Heddy
Yes, he could admit that he'd had fantasies of being the meat in somebody's sandwich, though he'd always let himself be a bit vague about the details.
But now, with the heavy scent of mayonnaise in the air, he barely noticed the pain as his lover's hot meat entered him.
(no subject)
Date: 7/21/03 08:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 4/25/04 01:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 6/11/04 04:06 am (UTC)I could also wax rapturous about appendices.
(no subject)
Date: 6/14/04 07:31 pm (UTC)I dare you.
(no subject)
Date: 6/15/04 03:52 am (UTC)"What the...(5)?" he gulped.
"Sorry, chum (6). Excema.(7)"
-----
(1) Feathered and crested biped.
(2) Quaint Britishism for grey, braying ungulate.
(3) 'Good', as a subjective qualitative assessment, has long been debated among moralists, theologians and art historians. No conclusive nor unanimous definition has been reached but I refer the interested reader to Sergio Leone's filmic disquisition in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly for an introduction to the issues. The fact that the experience described here is 'not good' should not, however, be taken to imply that it is automatically therefore 'bad' or 'ugly.'
(4) Some commentators would take this to be the expected, 'standard' reaction to anal insertion; others would argue that the expected reaction would be 'good' (and not 'not good', see note 3 above) and that, therefore, the first person narrator's response of worrying indicates some sort of abnormality, either in himself or in the specific experience.
(5) Three dots are often used to mark an elision. Here, one could speculate as to the content: 'dickens' is a likely candidate, as is 'blazes'.
(6) Another quaint Britishism to indicate a brand of dog food.
(7) It is not known why the word eczema is here so egregiously misspelled. The original hand-written manuscript upon which I base my transcription in this post was much stained, and the ink had run in various places. It is possible that I misread the letters in the final logeme of the document; however, I think it more likely that the misspelling results either from extreme uneducated ignorance on the part of the author or of extreme anxiety and sexual frustration, if one assumes the author to be coterminous with the first person narrator.
(no subject)
Date: 6/15/04 07:07 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 6/15/04 02:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 6/15/04 01:25 pm (UTC)dickens ehehehehe.
(no subject)
Date: 6/15/04 02:50 pm (UTC)Heh.
(no subject)
Date: 6/15/04 01:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 6/15/04 03:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 6/15/04 01:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 6/15/04 03:03 pm (UTC)Thank you kindly.
(no subject)
Date: 6/15/04 03:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 6/16/04 03:25 am (UTC):-)
(no subject)
Date: 9/19/06 06:15 am (UTC)