Voices

[resonant]

Not long ago, the spouse got a job offer. After much deliberation, he decided it wouldn't suit him as well as his current job. But he was haunted by the voice of his father in his head, saying, "You're out of your mind not to take it. It must be because you're scared."

(His actual father, when consulted, said, "There's no sense in taking a job if you're not going to enjoy it.")

I told this to the Tech Goddess. She said, "The voice in my head is my mother, saying, 'No matter how good you are, they can always find someone who's better.' "

I myself have been working for eleven years to silence the voice of my mother in my head, critiquing every damned bite I eat. "You don't need that. You don't need that. Look at you. You don't need that." I was very angry at her for a long time, and then I realized that same voice must be droning on relentlessly in her head, too.

What do the voices in your head say? And have you had any luck in making them shut up?

Comments

[theantimodel.livejournal.com]

Interesting question. I don't think I have voices in my head. I mean, when I make big life decisions I certainly think about what people like my parents think I should do, but I I've never made a decision based on that. On the whole I just try to think about what will be best for me and try to do it.

[sociofemme.livejournal.com]

"Are you top of your class? Are you doing the absolute best you can? Why is that an A minus--didn't you study hard enough? Where'd those three points go?"

just can't get my mom-voice to shut up, even by leaving school entirely. (being vale-fucking-torian of my college class only quieted her for, like, a week--after that it was job-hunting questions.)

That last question is a direct quote from the actual mom, not just the mom-voice--I got a 97 on a test...wonder where the voice came from, huh?

[neeteeus.livejournal.com]

My voice is my father. "Why don't you just think before you act?" I've had issues with perfectionism and anger management my whole life, and each time it comes down to that voice.

Far from quieting it, I've found myself this year almost saying it to my girlfriend. Thankfully, I was able to keep it in my head. One of us with this kind of burden is enough.

[soapdemon.livejournal.com]

"Stop making excuses. It's nobody's fault but your own."

My mothers.

[mz-bstone.livejournal.com]

You're going to screw everything up.

You have try harder, be better.

You'll never be good *enough*.

B

[ellen-fremedon.livejournal.com]

"Don't get your hopes up."

[neery.livejournal.com]

I have this voice in my head that's always telling me I'm doing something terribly wrong when I stay home from school, even when I know there's absoluetely no reason to waste my time in that particular lesson, because
A) I'm not going to learn something new, because we're just repeating something I already know / watching a movie I've seen before (and it was bad the first time!) / the teacher is a moron who knows less about his subject than half his students
B) it's not going to affect my grades in any way, because they have already been decided on
C) the teacher is not going to be paid any less when I'm not there, and I don't even have any friends in that class who might be marginally more bored without me.

Still, I absolutely can't make that voice shut up, so I usually do go anyway and waste my valuable time with being bored to death, because it's still better than sitting at home with an agony of a bad conscience. And, yes, I'm pretty sure it is my mother's voice.

[maryavatar.livejournal.com]

Mine says 'That child is wearing a dirty shirt. Shouldn't you have done the laundry by now? You're neglecting your children. Why are you sitting in front of a computer when you should be doing housework? If a social worker arrived right now and saw how messy your house is, and that stain on the front of #3's shirt, they'd take the children away. You are a bad mother.'

I hate the inner voice, and I know it lies, but knowing that doesn't make it go away.

[aubrem.livejournal.com]

Great question.

"You can't do that."

"You're not good at that."

It took me a long while to learn that my response shouldn't be "I am good at that" so much as "it doesn't matter if I'm good at that - I want to do it anyway."

[nullabona.livejournal.com]

“You don’t think that taking the community interest job for less pay and your current volunteer work is going to make up for the things you did at the other place, do you?” Frankly,
I‘m waiting for the day when I think it’s okay to tell that voice to shut up, right now I keep listening.

[calathea.livejournal.com]

I have two. One is my mum, and her little pet phrase "Well, you'll never win a beauty contest". The other is my first form teacher (that's 7th grade to you) who told me I was "socially incompetent".

[jelazakazone.livejournal.com]

Lately the voice in my head is asking me why I'm such a bad parent:( I don't know the origin of that voice, but the voice I used to hear was my mom asking me about food too. In order to get that one to go away, I got a new voice with a new evil tape.

[carolyn-claire.livejournal.com]

"You're so selfish and managing. It's always all about you."

Irony, thy name is Mother.

[c-regalis.livejournal.com]

Mine are more of the well-meant variety, like
Wow, that can't be easy for you. I mean, for a woman. signed: almost fucking everyone.
I hear that pretty much every time I have problems in my job or with my studies. And I hear it in my head every time something doesn't work out the way I wanted it to. I hatehatehate that, because that - whatever the problem in case might be - is not the problem at all.

[c-regalis.livejournal.com]

Oh, WOW! That's a good one. *stabs*

[djin7.livejournal.com]

Unofficially? Faster, pussycat, Kill!Kill!

I'd say my deceased mother is constantly yelling at me, every damn day. Also, I'm a Gemini, so I have my alter ego occasionally giving me a hard time, or cracking me up. Roll of the dice, really.

*g*

[miriam-heddy.livejournal.com]

"Where'd the other 10% go?" (my father, Mr. The Glass is Half-Empty. He was kidding, but it still stung.)

"You're just like your father." (my mother, who obviously didn't realize that 10% separated me and my father.)

The sum of these voices? I always feel too smart for my own good, but never smart enough.

[randomblade.livejournal.com]

Behave. Don't whinge. Don't cry. That's inappropriate. Be mindful. This is a consequence of previous actions. Take it standing up. Don't cry. Behave.

[byandby.livejournal.com]

I can hear my father say, "You might want to tone down your language if you want to get a man." Can you tell he was born in the wrong century?

And then I hear my mother complaining about how he expects her to wash his clothes, make his dinner and essentially waiting on him hand and foot.

*still single*

If my folks' speak up in my head...

[nyghtshayde.livejournal.com]

...it's to offer words of encouragement. My parents were never insulting or cruel.

However, there are many voices in my head. Confident ones, funny ones, silly ones...and of course, the obligatory cruel ones. There's at least one Mean Voice who always tells me that I'm fat, I'm ugly, my teeth are too crooked to ever have a sexy smile (and so I don't smile as often as I'd like), that there's always someone better than me at anything I do remotely well, I'm unloveable, I'm a loud abrasive monster...the list could go on.

I usually shut the Mean Voice in my head up by doing things well inspite of what it says. By looking in the mirror and saying, "Damn, I look good today." And smiling at myself while I take extra care to do something that makes me feel good. Sometimes it doesn't always work...that's when I threaten my brain with an ice pick...

[raine-wynd.livejournal.com]

For a number of years after Army basic training, the voices clashed: my mom's "you can do anything, just try" versus the drill sergeants who stripped me of any shred of confidence I had prior to joining the Army and left me doing pushups in the rain on concrete and loose gravel.

I finally got sick of hearing them and chucked them out the window in favor of my own: "Okay, so the drill sergeants broke you, but you got back up stronger. So you can do anything." On the rare occasions when something sets me back, I distract the dischordant voices by figuring out how [insert favorite TV show character] would react, complete with dialogue. Invariably that leads me to write out what's bugging me, either via writing a completely unrelated fanfic or in a LJ post or just talking it out with a friend.

[geekwriter143.livejournal.com]

The voice? That would be my mother.

You're too demanding--just smile and be nice. And put on a little lipstick.

Your house is a wreck because you're lazy, lazy, lazy.

Why do you have to write stories with dirty words in them? Why can't you write something nice, something that would get you on Oprah?

Don't even bother starting that, you know you never finish anything.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

No.


(Currently they are saying Hey. Get this: You are on a sabbatical! Look what others do to get that chance! You just threw away 6 whole months of your life doing nothing, nothing, noooothing, not even cleansing your soul or enjoying yourself! You suck! but that's harmless compared to what they shout otherwise).

Wow. Scary question.

[saffronhouse.livejournal.com]

Mine is: "You'll always be strange and you'll never fit in." And the voice seems to be totally my own -- my folks encouraged me to 'fit in' with about the same enthusiasm they would have encouraged me to go play in traffic.

Pathetically enough, marriage actually quieted that voice.

The divorce proved I was that much of a misfit after all. (You know, at least in crazy-voice-in-the-head logic).

Nowadays, hmm. I think being good at my job and getting, say, a nice feedback letter, for instance, quiet the voice, or at least reassure me that fitting in isn't such a big deal after all.

Oh grr...

[nyghtshayde.livejournal.com]

That is not a nice thing for a mom to say. Mom's are supposed to think their children are beautiful regardless of what "standards" dictate.