December

[resonant]

Where the hell did all these people come from? I was all alone in the coffee shop, except for one guy working with his face two inches from his laptop screen and carrying on a really annoyingly loud work-related conversation with his cell phone set on speakerphone, and now all of a sudden there are eight tables full of people. And they all seem to know each other. It's nine o'clock on a Thursday morning! Where did all these people come from?



The kidlet has nine presents under the tree, nine! The other night they were dancing about singing, "Nine! Nine! And think of the presents that haven't arrived yet!" and then they stopped and said in a confidential tone, "The Great Present Frolic has begun."

There's a tradition in our family, started by my late beloved Aunt Bet, to send a few presents with tags on them that say, "Open me now!" So my parents have sent the spouse and me a book called "Christmas At the New Yorker," which is full of depressing short stories by people who hate Christmas, and the kidlet has a little canvas bag that Mom bought at the botanical gardens, which has their first name on one side and something fairly similar to their middle name on the other; I hadn't realized that both of those names were so botanical!

They're deeply bored, though, and inclined to misbehave. Their misbehavior tends to take the form of making longwinded legalistic arguments instead of obeying. (For instance: "You're not allowed to eat popsicles upstairs. Please take that downstairs." "I'm not eating it. I'm just holding it." "Take it downstairs." "I just want to --" "Take. It. Downstairs. Now." "But let me finish! I'm just trying to tell you ...") My mother used to sometimes tell me she hoped I got a kid exactly like me, and I need to tell her it's really not nice to curse your children.

I think I'm going to take the kidlet to the gym this afternoon and write porn while they swim.

We've eaten almost all the Christmas cookies -- there's nothing left but some molasses cookies which no one in the house likes but me. The spouse ate all the black forest cookies, curse him -- he has high cholesterol; he shouldn't be eating all my cookies! I'm resisting the temptation to make more, though, because there'll be stocking candy, and there'll be a cake for Christmas, and then the kidlet's birthday is January 8 so that's more cake ...

Because no one cares, here's what I'm cooking for Christmas dinner:

Turkey (currently thawing in a big box taking up an entire shelf in my refrigerator)
Stuffing (homemade by the Joy of Cooking recipe, with celery, onions, and raisins)
Mashed potatoes (going to attempt a neat trick where you make these the day before and reheat them in a crockpot)
Cranberry chutney

Going in when the turkey comes out to rest will be:
Rolls
Brussels sprouts with apples and bacon (which the spouse won't eat because it has bacon in it and the rest of the guests won't eat because, you know, brussels sprouts, so I expect to get all of this one)
Roasted asparagus

And for dessert, a Yule log cake. I've never made one before, but I have made jelly roll, so I expect it to be ok.

This is a strange one; when I went looking for recipes, they all had all sorts of complicating factors. Whipped cream isn't a good enough filling; make pastry cream! No, make buttercream! Make two different flavors of buttercream! Make homemade praline so you can mix it into the filling! Maybe it's a recipe that nobody makes unless they want to dirty up every dish in the kitchen, and people are disappointed if it's too easy? But you'd think that the traditional meringue mushrooms would satisfy that craving.

Anyhow, I'm skipping mushrooms in favor of glazed cranberries and mint leaves, and I'm going to follow the Joy of Cooking recipe, even though it's annoyingly vague (for instance, it calls for "3 to 6 eggs"), and on the recommendation of the kidlet, who has pretty sophisticated taste for almost-seven, I'm going to put a layer of raspberry jam between the cake and the whipped-cream filling.

We don't have any family in town -- lucky us! The Tech Goddess is coming with her family. Her older son is bringing his girlfriend, who has the same name as me. Fortunately, her younger son is not bringing his girlfriend, who has the same name as the kidlet, and who, moreover, is roundly disliked by everyone but him.

edited 2020 to retroactively correct the kidlet's gender pronouns

Comments

cursed

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

If I weren't too drooly and whiny, I'd ask what blackforrestcake cookies are in your corner of the woods.

You're funny. Sprouts. Did you read The Sprouts of Wrath?

Your girl's clever as usual! You should always put a thin layer of jam over the pastry to prevent it first from drying out and then the cream from soaking in and it all becoming mush.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Oh, they're glorious. I got the recipe from Martha Stewart Everyday Food. They're a deep chocolate cookie, almost like a brownie, with chocolate chips and dried cherries. The next time I make them, I'm going to add walnuts, and then they'll be perfect.

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

Ooh! I just tried a recipe last night that's similar to this- deep chocolate cookie with chocolate chips and cranberries. They're delicious, and they have the added benefit of repelling the children because of the nasssssty cranberriessssss!

Also, "the great present frolic" is a phrase we need to adopt. That kidlet- ever quotable.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Every time I see your icon, I think it's spam at first. Ew.

We're already saying "great present frolic" now -- it will probably become part of our private language.

You know those flaxseed neck warmer things that you heat in the microwave? We each have one of those that we heat up at bedtime and put at the foot of the bed to keep our feet warm. The kidlet christened hers "the heavy hot worm" when she was four, and we've called them that ever since.

[laurelwood.livejournal.com]

Ew, you're right! It looks a bit like a nightmarish hors d'oeuvre made of stacked spam, cream cheese and red hots!

And "the heavy hot worm" is darling. Why can't any of the other-people's-children children with whom I carpool be like the kidlet?

[betagoddess.livejournal.com]

Love the Yule log recipes.

For the ones I USED to make, I put mocha (that's plain coffee icing here - I used instant in a bit of hot water), butter cream on the inside and chocolate butter icing on the outside with some of the mocha on the ends, then I'd pipe tree rings with the chocolate icing.

I'd also take a little chunk of cake and make a little cut branch thingy on the cake with MORE tree rings on it!

Oh, THOSE were the days and those cakes were DELICIOUS!!! =>}

Good luck with your plain jelly role Yule log. Heh heh!

Just kidding. I'm sure it will be very tasty! =>}

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Hm. I could put some coffee in the chocolate buttercream I'm going to frost it with, but I'm not sure everyone involved likes coffee. You kind of can't go wrong with chocolate.

I'm going to do the cut-branch thing, definitely.

Considering it further, I'll bet people do pastry cream or buttercream because whipped cream has such a very short shelf-life. But we've got eight people coming to this dinner. It's not like I expect to have leftovers.

[betagoddess.livejournal.com]

Go YOU! =>}

For me, although I like it alone, whipped cream is absolutely a let down on cake. I've just gotta have my butter icing! Chocolate would be fine for the icing. Maybe you could make a paler one for the ends?

The cut branch thing really makes it look like a log. =>}

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

But you don't frost the ends! You leave them unfrosted so everybody can see the rolled-up cake and filling!

At least that's the way it's photographed in all the magazines.

[betagoddess.livejournal.com]

Ick! Heh heh. I really don't like "bare" cake. We fight to get the end piece with all the icing that looks like tree rings. =>}

Back in the days when I used to make them, I must've seen a photo with icing SOMEwhere! =>}

Here's a photo of one, although I've GOTTA say, mine looked a WHOLE lot more like a real log and the branch was much smaller and on the side of the top of the cake.




Here's another one. The spider web effect is rather bizarre. *g*




These ones are rather garish, too. Wish I had a pic of my cakes. =>}




This is about the best iced one I found, but still, MINE were better and MUCH more realistic, if I do say so myself, and I do! =>}

[rossetti.livejournal.com]

Mmmm, sprouts. I have this sprouts with bacon and garlic and hazelnut recipe that I love to make for Thanksgiving, but didn't this year. I'm going to see if anyone will let me make it for Christmas, this just triggered a craving.

Well, for more than just sprouts. I haven't had Yule Log in years! I am, however, full up on sweets this year, so I can resist. Maybe.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

I do roasted brussels sprouts quite often, and the spouse and I both like them a lot, but he's going to reject anything that involves bacon, I'm sure. And then he'll eat three pieces of cake. Oh, well. He can allocate saturated fats his way, and I'll allocate them my way.

[raine-wynd.livejournal.com]

"3 to 6 eggs" = depends on the size of the eggs you use. Most American recipes for baking assume that you are using large (not extra large or jumbo) size eggs. In this recipe, and based on my recent experiments in making stuffing from scratch, I suspect 3 large eggs to use as the stuffing binder would be plenty.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

The Joy of Cooking is a great resource, but it assumes that your level of knowledge is high and your access to standardized ingredients is low, while most cookbooks assume the opposite.

I bought this edition when I was in college in the '80s, and it actually still has diagrams on how to butcher meat and pluck chicken.

Let's see -- supermarket egg sizes go med-large-xlarge-jumbo, and I have large, so I think I'll use four of them in the cake.

[darthfox.livejournal.com]

i have learned to be wary of eggs for the reason described above. where possible, add eggs one at a time until you have the right amount.

[isilya]

On the other hand, crushed home-made praline stirred into whipped cream is the *best thing ever*. Ridiculously good, and it just keeps getting better the longer it sits.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

I'd do that if the cake were the only major cooking task happening, but with turkey and stuffing and homemade rolls and etc. etc., I think I'm going to stick with the low-maintenance version!

[vampiresetsuna.livejournal.com]

Oooh, Yummy! I want to go eat christmas dinner at your house!

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Hey, you'd be welcome. I don't know if we've got enough chairs for everybody, but we've definitely got enough food.

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Your kidlet sounds awesome.

Also, you are a shining example to me -- you let me hope that if/when we have a child someday, I won't have to give up writing porn. :-)

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

[laughing] I'm having to be increasingly careful not to read porn online while she's around, since she tends to come and plop down beside me and say, "Can we look at Polly Pockets on eBay?" while I hastily hide my window. (Me: "Wait! I'm looking at something that's not appropriate for kidlets!" Her: "All I saw was something about kissing."

And sooner or later she's going to show some curiosity about what I'm writing in my notebooks, but so far she hasn't done that yet. I'm pretty sure she'd be able to puzzle it out; I have the dubious good luck of having very legible handwriting.

[ecaterin.livejournal.com]

:D The problems of the author - yike!! I'm still working on how to tell Dakota (8yo) why I won't print The Familiar for him to read.....cause eventually he's gonna ask, and I'm going to have to have an answer!

I'm really good at reading "the edited version" of good HP fanfic stories - cause the really good ones you can usually just read around the relationships/sex.

The Familiar is one of his FAVORITE stories! He'll come up to you and go, "Quiddich!" just like a frog (cause that's how I read it).

And HOW will I explain what you have done to Harry and Snape??? Hmmmm??? :D

He's being brought up in a house with no hang-ups about sex. He's got the birds & bees info, we're all semi-nudists so bodies are no mystery, we're living in Seattle so Teh Queer is a normal part of everyday life. BUT SNAPE AND HARRY GOIN' AT IT???? *How* do I explain that grown-ups like to think about their favorite literary characters having sex?????

It's a quandry!

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

That would be tricky. It would be pretty easy to take the sex out, but the relationship not so much.

[ecaterin.livejournal.com]

LOL! Well, I'm not *really* asking you to solve the problem. But I'll be sure to blame you if he asks >:D

[celandineb.livejournal.com]

I think I'm going to take the kidlet to the gym this afternoon and write porn while she swims.

This sounds like an excellent plan. :-)

[elke-tanzer.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow, that all sounds fabulous... mmmm!

[skuf.livejournal.com]

"I'm not eating it. I'm just holding it."
Hahahah! I totally remember arguing like that :o)


Mmm, your Christmas dinner sounds delicious!

[tealin.livejournal.com]

The Great Present Frolic has begun.

Oh, that's adorable. It pretty much captures Christmas at our house, too, what with having a whole set of relatives in town, all willing and able to add to the 'frolic'. :)

[julad.livejournal.com]

I've made my fruit mince! It's quite yum, although I suspect I should have measured the brandy.

I have my ingredients for pecan pie, but question: nearly all the recipes I've seen ask for corn syrup, and the closest I've seen here is "Glucose syrup (derived from corn)". Are they the same thing? Cause if the recipe wants glucose syrup, I'm scared.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Huh. I had no clue about glucose syrup, but Woman's Day (http://womansday.ninemsn.com.au/food/askexpert/archive.aspx?id=2979) says they're interchangeable.

You have actually tasted pecan pie before, haven't you? Because it's pretty much corn syrup and pecans in a pastry crust.

[julad.livejournal.com]

I have tasted my mother's pecan pie, but as growing up with my mother was a generally whole-grain low-sodium sugar-free sort of existence, I'm quite sure I would die of sugar shock if I tasted any of the recipes I had originally printed out. I remember pecan pie being sweet, but that was probably sweet relative to rye biscuits. *g* Since this is mainly for my mother, I've found a different recipe and crossed my fingers for luck.