Insert suggestive stocking-stuffing pun here

[resonant]

When my mother made the kidlet's Christmas stocking, she attached two large bells, about the size of walnuts. I have no idea what she was thinking; they make it impossible to fill the thing without it making all sorts of noise.

I was struggling with it, and the spouse came in and said, "Here, I'll hold the bells for you."

I looked at them in his hand and began to laugh. "That's kind of obscene," I said.

"Well," he leered, "you could hold the bells for me. While I stuff it."

I'm not much of a pornographer. I blushed.