Call me Odysseus

[resonant]

Did I have a vacation? I've forgotten all about it, because getting home from it took two days.

See, you can't get a direct flight to anywhere from here. So we normally have to change planes in Chicago or St. Louis. But when I was making our flight arrangements, all the Chicago and St. Louis flights on the 27th were at ungodly hours of the morning. So, hey, let's take a flight through a different city!

Like, say, Dallas!



So you know what was happening in Dallas on Wednesday, right? Lightning, flooding, and canceled flights, that's what.

At 10 p.m. on Wednesday -- at a time when we should have already been home, collapsing in exhaustion -- we were in Terminal B5 being told that our flight had been canceled. They could maybe get us on standby on a flight on Saturday. Or maybe we could get out earlier if we were willing to be on standby to fly in a couple of hours from home and drive from there.

In other words, the Dallas airport was a hermetically sealed bubble of despair. Nobody was getting a flight anywhere. We'd left the in-laws' house at 8:30 in the morning, and the kidlet was very weary, and we were all tired and slow.

So we got a rather stinky hotel room in Dallas, and in the morning we found a company that would do an interstate one-way car rental, and we drove 14 hours home.

Mysteriously, this morning when I went to the airport to drop off the car, I found that our luggage was right there behind the American Airlines ticket counter. Somehow they couldn't get the people home until Saturday but the luggage arrived the next day? Hm.

My conclusions?

- Airline travel? Hell.

- If you put Texas and Oklahoma in a bag and shook them until the money was evenly distributed, both states would be improved.

- Texas and Oklahoma are entirely too damned big. Missouri and Illinois could use some editing, too.

- After the first time, road-killed armadillos aren't really significantly more interesting than road-killed raccoons.

- There's a McDonald's every tenth of a mile until you're hungry and your kid is begging for familiar food, at which point they disappear and all you can find are creepy-smelling tiny buildings with "Flo's Eats!" shakily painted on the bricks.

- There is not a single decent radio station left in the middle of the country.

- Somebody must be patronizing those 'adult superstores' that line every freeway.

- The condom machines in truckstop bathrooms are ... eyecatching. I was glad I had already explained to the kidlet what a condom was. And rather cowardly glad that the display of light-up earrings right outside the bathroom distracted them before they could think to ask, "But then why did that one say, 'flavored'?"


While at the in-laws', I did finally get to meet makesmewannadie, who is very clever and funny (as you could guess from her posts) and also quite cute. Though it may be that I'm conditioned to find anybody cute if they're wearing a RayK bracelet. Somehow every time makesmewannadie and I are in the same state, she comes down with a stomach ailment, but I don't think she's yet traced the pattern to me.

edited 2020 to retroactively correct the kidlet's gender pronouns

Comments

[wolfshark]

It sounds like you had the return trip from hell - thus the reason I *hate* flying!

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

It seems to me that it's getting worse in the last few years, too.

[wolfshark]

It really really is getting worse, I swear.

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

all of a sudden I'm totally confused. Do you live in cereta's city? Or its twin? I ask because I was startled and amused to discover that she lives quite close to my old elementary school ...

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

She's about an hour away.

I've never really bonded with the Midwest, and it was a surprise to me to be driving through southern Oklahoma passionately longing for central illinois!

[panisdead.livejournal.com]

Oh God, I feel a small amount of your pain, as my father ended up staying with us an extra TWO NIGHTS because his flight back to Florida couldn't get out of the state.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Wow, that must have been bad. I can only imagine the in-laws' faces if we'd come back after they thought they were finally rid of us.

[vickita.livejournal.com]

So you know what was happening in Dallas on Wednesday, right

::looks out window:: Same thing that was happening here, probably.

Dude! I wish I woulda known! I woulda driven down (because I've made that trip a couple dozen times in the last year; what's another time between LJ friends?) and taken you all over to beejbj's house and parked you on her sofa ('cause she's a good sport like that) and plied you with booze and DVDs. And the kidlet coulda played with the dogs and the cats and the snake.

Re: income redistribution -- yup. Re: miles and miles of miles and miles -- you get used to it. "The sun has riz; the sun has set, and here we is, in Texas yet." *g*

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Hey, cool, I didn't know you were around there! But you wouldn't have wanted to make that drive -- I get that most of the flooding was further south than we were, but it was bad.

When we were sitting in the Dallas airport, slowly losing hope, I said to the spouse, "If I had my computer with me, I could make a LiveJournal post, and I'll bet I'd get four comments that said, 'Hey, we're right here, we'll give you a ride, you can sleep on our couch ...' " and he answered, " 'We'll cut your throats in the night ...' "

But the kidlet would be sorry to hear she'd missed a chance to play with a snake.

[theantipam.livejournal.com]

One year, stranded by snow at the Denver airport at Thanksgiving, I saw a tall, handsome, silver-haired Texas businessman beg an airline clerk (in full Texas drawl), "Please, Ma'am. I've been here three days. Just get me outta here."

They sent him to Syracuse, New York to get a connecting flight to Oklahoma City.

Glad you made it safely back, and good wishes for your recovering mental health. Vacations USED to mean rest. Now we need vacations FROM our vacations.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Aww. It stinks to be stuck in the airport.

We had the chance to get bumped in San Francisco; the offer was a $500 travel voucher apiece and then they put you on the red-eye to Dallas. I said to the gate agent, "How about you put us on a flight through Chicago or St. Louis?" and she said (with a faint Caribbean accent, very charming), "I have pleaded with them to give me another airport, but they will not."

If I had known what was going to happen, I would have let them bump me, taken the travel vouchers, and bought new tickets on some other airline through Chicago or St. Louis or, hell, Minneapolis if I'd had to. It would have cost us less than taxi, hotel, and rental car.

[ecaterin.livejournal.com]

- If you put Texas and Oklahoma in a bag and shook them until the money was evenly distributed, both states would be improved.

- Texas and Oklahoma are entirely too damned big. Missouri and Illinois could use some editing, too.

Ain't that the truth!!!

So sorry your return was a misery! I don't consider air travel "vacationing" I consider it "armed combat." Much fewer let downs that way!

*gives you all nice lavender bubble-bath gel bubbles!*

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

[grabs bubble bath with both hands]

The kidlet started out the trip insisting, "I love flying! I love car trips!" and ended it saying, "I am never leaving my home again except to go to the pool."

[giglet.livejournal.com]

*hug*

I'm glad you're home!

[giglet.livejournal.com]

I hope you didn't discover a bunch of suitors for kidlet (or t'husband) hanging around your place when you got home...

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

I think this puts the cat in the role of Penelope, and she was very far from patient. She's still shouting at us.

[nestra.livejournal.com]

There's a McDonald's every tenth of a mile until you're hungry and your kid is begging for familiar food, at which point they disappear and all you can find are creepy-smelling tiny buildings with "Flo's Eats!" shakily painted on the bricks.

God, it's true. The same thing goes for gas stations, which are all right there, lined up along the highway, until you realize you need gas, and all of the exits suddenly lead you on twisty routes five miles away from the interstate, signs promising gas but never delivering.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Yes! I hate that. When they put those "gas" signs on the interstate, they really should warn you how far you'll have to travel to get it.

[tovalentin.livejournal.com]

Somehow every time makesmewannadie and I are in the same state, she comes down with a stomach ailment, but I don't think she's yet traced the pattern to me.

Well, actually... her real name is "Resonantmakesmewannadie", but she didn't want to hurt your feelings.

:-D

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

[snorfles]

I'm not putting a curse on her on purpose, honestly. If I had the power to curse people with nausea, I can think of much better targets.

[springwoof.livejournal.com]

::pets::
That very much sounds like airline hell...
::
were you by chance flying USAirways? I will never never never fly with them again. They stranded me in a foreign country with no more than a shrug and a "maybe we can get you on another flight 4 days from now".... ::shakes fist::

is there a poll somewhere about the quality of flights going down down down into the sewers? 'cause it is...

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

No, we were flying American. In my experience, they're all pretty bad. And, you're right, getting worse.

Man, though, a foreign country would have made things much, much worse.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Your trip is hellish, your country is vast and your post is highly readable! More of same!!

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Confession: One of the things that got me through the whole thing was mentally composing the LJ post about it.

[norah.livejournal.com]

I coordinate all my jewelry to fangirls' Pavlovian responses!

It was wonderful to meet you - and I'm so sorry about your trip home - how awful!

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Great to meet you, too. As for the trip, I wish we could say, "Never again," but with one set of parents in California and the other in North Carolina, we're in no position to swear off traveling.

I myself enjoy long car trips (well, I enjoy them more when they're voluntary) and would have no problem with driving out to the west coast, but it's hellish for the kidlet.

[tingler.livejournal.com]

So you know what was happening in Dallas on Wednesday, right? Lightning, flooding, and canceled flights, that's what.

Still happening. You wouldn't happen to know how much a cubit is, would you?

In other words, the Dallas airport was a hermetically sealed bubble of despair. Nobody was getting a flight anywhere. We'd left the in-laws' house at 8:30 in the morning, and the kidlet was very weary, and we were all tired and slow.

Some things never change. Or rather, plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose. Ten years ago this fall, the OM and I returned from France/England after a couple of days of trying to get home (we were flying standby, which complicated things a little) only to greet a rather frazzled appearing vickita returning from the same trip (she'd stayed on in France a bit longer). Finally, one available seat came up. vickita got on, only to sit on the tarmac for *hours*. We finally gave up and rented a car, but we had a lot less farther to go than you.

If you put Texas and Oklahoma in a bag and shook them until the money was evenly distributed, both states would be improved.

Amen, though I'm sure this is true of most states. I'm ashamed to admit how old I was before I figured out why some schools are so much better off than others and I'm still pissed about it.

There is not a single decent radio station left in the middle of the country.

Again, amen, sister. After our little road trip in 2004, we gave up and went with Sirius.

The condom machines in truckstop bathrooms are ... eyecatching.

After I got lost the other night on my way back home from Dallas (I don't want to talk about it), we saw a store with a big yellow sign that said "Condoms To Go". *Big* yellow sign. (I was remembering it as "Discount Condoms", which is way funnier.)

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Condoms To Go

As opposed to what? Condoms To Use Right Here In The Store?

[tingler.livejournal.com]

Pretty much what I wanted to know, too!