resonant | Overheard and overseen, spouse-heavy edition

First, a cartoon that explains Canada, somewhat, even if nothing else.

Me: "So she says, 'I'd like to write a book. I can imagine sitting in a nice big chair with my notebook and a cup of coffee and some nice baroque music playing ...' "
Spouse: "She's confusing writing with reading."

droolfangrrl: "Children have a special wisdom all their own. It's kind of like living with senile Zen masters that won't pick up after themselves."

Me: "Hang on. I'm involved in a game that doesn't have a pause feature."
Spouse: "It's called life."

Me: "Mike Huckabee says that for all of human history, marriage has been defined as one man and one woman."
Spouse: "Even back in the days of the dinosaurs?"

Kidlet: "I'm setting up a party, because it's my invisible anniversary."
Me: "What's an invisible anniversary?"
Kidlet: "I don't know the exact date when I got my invisible friends, so I can't celebrate their birthdays. So I do this instead."

Spouse, out of nowhere: "I need a box of verbs."

"How was your vacation?"
"After the police let us go, we had a great time!"

Spouse to cat: "What are you doing? What are you eating? Do you think you're immortal?"

Girl on cell phone at park: "After what happened with the window or whatever, it was all awkward and shit, because I felt like his mom had, like, this dirty look. ... So what was I all pissed off about last night? Do you remember? ... Well, I thought I'd apologize or whatever, say sorry and shit, because I don't want you to, like, not want to get drunk with me any more."

Last week, in the middle of a conversation on showing vs. telling*, I drove the spouse to tears, literal tears, with a description of a scene from Cyrano de Bergerac. (The one where Roxane holds out the letter from Christian, stained with blood and tears, and she says to Cyrano, "The tears -- you knew they were your tears," and he says, "The blood was his.")

Couple at the ice rink, who've been taking public demonstrations of affection to an almost filmable extreme: "What's going on right here? It's all rough." "It's my rash."

OK, so I launch Bejeweled 2, and as you know, its opening screen is a sci-fi-looking skyscape with, you know, your outlandish alien planets against a starry sky. I went to move the window, and I noticed that the starry sky wasn't moving. Instead, it was as though I were sliding the foreground elements around on a much larger pattern of background elements, so that different ones appeared in the frame depending on where on the desktop the window was.

How incredibly cool, I thought.

Half an hour later it occurred to me that those weren't stars; that was dust on my screen.

Also, I should probably examine more closely this impulse I have to come tell y'all all about it every time I do something moronic.

Boy to girl (both about five): "And you're happy! Because I've just given you two long strings of pearls! But then you find out I'm a bad, bad bank robber!"

* We like to say we don't have a marriage; we have a graduate humanities seminar, only with sex and housework.

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Now I think that your spouse is a writer, too.

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