Shame they can't just open up the skull and massage the brain directly

[resonant]

What my brain said during a 60-minute massage



-- Heated massage bed **::bliss::**
-- OMG hot flash turn off the heating pad!
-- She's pretty small. Is she strong enough to do this job?
-- I wonder if my therapist is judging me? I have this roll of fat on the back of my neck. I've had it since I was eighteen years old and weighed a hundred and thirty pounds.
-- I've got to get rid of that crib. Wonder what Tim would charge to truck it to the dump?
-- Brain, can't you shut up for a minute? I want to actually experience this massage.
-- Ow ow ow oooh ahhh.
- Nooooo! I don't want you to cover up my shoulders. If you cover up my shoulders that means you're done with them.
-- Wow, that's exactly the spot where my lower back hurts. Carry on, then.
-- I wonder if my therapist is judging me? I didn't shave my legs.
-- Maybe if I scrawled warnings all over the crib with marker, I could put it out for the trash and the trashpickers wouldn't take it.
-- Shut up! Shut up! OK, picturing putting that anxiety in a box and closing the lid ...
-- Maybe if I put out one piece this week and one piece next week?
-- You know perfectly well visualization doesn't work for you. OK, imagine e-mailing it to myself. Hear that little airplane noise that Mac Mail makes when it sends an e-mail.
-- I wonder if my therapist is judging me? I took a shower this morning, but it was really hot in the car and I'm probably all sweaty.
-- If I put all that rock mulch out, would the trash pickers take it?
-- [airplane noise]
-- Can I even lift a bag of rock mulch?
-- [airplane noise]
-- Should have hefted the heavy bags first and gotten the massage second.
-- [airplane noise,] damn you!
-- Why did I bother to pay extra for aromatherapy? Once I've been lying on my face for five minutes, my sinuses clog up so I can't smell anything anyway.
-- Ow ow ooh.
-- Huh. That move she just did, I do to pizza dough sometimes.
-- Note to self: Next time, Neti pot before massage.
-- Noooo! I don't want you to move downward. I want you to go on working my lower back until it turns into cream cheese!
-- If I hadn't had that giant Vietnamese iced coffee, would I maybe be able to shut my brain up?
-- Oh, no. My feet are so ticklish! She's going to tickle me, I know it!
-- Maybe not.
-- I wonder if my therapist is judging me? My heels are pretty crusty.
-- I wonder if massage therapists get to hate people's bodies? Or if somehow you can get to the point where you cherish the bodies of strangers? That would be a spiritual calling, wouldn't it? But nobody can do their jobs like a spiritual calling 40 hours a week, surely?
-- Maybe it's just me who can't.
-- Hungry.
-- How can I be hungry? Just a couple of hours ago I ate all the shu mai in the entire world.
-- Tigers.
-- Why on earth did I just think of tigers? It was very vivid.
-- Monkeys.
-- Noooo! I don't want to turn! If I turn, it means it's half over!
-- Wow. It's dark in here. How can she work in the dark?
-- Warm towel wraps on the feet: heaven.
-- And yet something about the lift-and-wrap movement irresistibly makes me think of diapering a baby.
-- If I fall asleep in this position I'm going to snore so much. That would be embarrassing.
-- Would the spouse notice if I got rid of that ladder while he's gone?
-- [airplane noise]
-- I wonder if my therapist is judging me? It's weird to feel that entire packet of muscle and fat on my calf being rolled from side to side.
-- Wonder why massages are associated with Sweden?
-- Wonder what ever became of the girl from Sweden who was our exchange student when I was sixteen?
-- If I move my legs apart, she's not going to think that's some kind of gross sexual demand, is she? All I want is for her to be able to get at my entire quads.
-- Wonder what sexual massage is actually like. Do they even have that for women? I'll bet it's only for men. The jerks.
-- Nooo! I don't want you to cover up my lower half! I wasn't done with that!
-- Huh. The muscle at the base of my thumb was sore. Who knew.
-- Ow ow ooh.
-- Wonder if you could coordinate the principles of palmistry with the principles of acupressure?
-- Sudden vivid image of my old pen pal's birth announcement, with the close-up photo of the sole of the baby's foot.
-- Wow, this peppermint oil is amazing.
-- Wonder if peppermint oil on the temples would do anything for a hot flash?
-- I'm pretty sure that "All right, hon, you're all done" does not qualify as a "closing ritual."
-- Ack. Lower back needed a few more minutes; it's all stiff now.
-- Should have worn the spa slippers; now my flip-flops are all full of massage oil.
-- This is so going on Dreamwidth.

Comments

[china_shop]

Hee! ♥ ♥ ♥

I like your brain. Especially the surprise tigers. *g*

[calico]

Your brain is awesome. :)

Nooooo! I don't want you to cover up my shoulders. If you cover up my shoulders that means you're done with them.

HEE. Oh I can empathise with this so badly. No massage is ever long or thorough enough (probably because if I ever reached the level of relaxation I apparently believe a massage ought to engender, I would fall deeply asleep and only wake up when they stopped and then be dismayed that it was over).

I wonder if massage therapists get to hate people's bodies? Or if somehow you can get to the point where you cherish the bodies of strangers?

After doing a couple of massage courses, I found I'd rapidly go into a sort of trance-like state where it's just about assessing whatever's under my hands as "very knotty, needs warming up" or "a bit knotty, needs stroking" or "has relaxed, can squeeze and move on". So the focus is on texture and tension rather than, say, shape or hairiness or the other things people are paranoid about. I wouldn't wind up *cherishing* them per se, but there wasn't any judgement either...

[florahart]

I've long since given up on shutting up my brain during. I just try to redirect it to attending to what things the massage person is having to work on a lot, and whether I know why that is or isn't tense.

For all my general discomfort with strangers, I am apparently unusually comfortable with massage therapists. I don't give a rat's ass if they are boys or girls, don't care at all about what they think of my back fat, find it mildly hilarious how cautious they generally are to make sure I understand they're not LOOKING at any bits I might want them not to (don't care!), don't worry about what they think about my scars/lumpy areas/callouses... I do generally shave my legs, but this is largely because I would be too distracted by the raspy feeling of them being rubbed with spiky little whiskers. Heh.

[laurashapiro]

Wow, I *so* identify with this! Our brains, they are as one!

[nestra]

God, I need a massage.

[fox]

mmmmassage. [ponders]

[schemingreader]

Ha! I love the way you think.

[jesse_the_k]

ROFLing here, really.

Huh. That move she just did, I do to pizza dough sometimes.
So she was drizzling you with olive oil and littering you with oregano?

Wonder if you could coordinate the principles of palmistry with the principles of acupressure?
Indeed, they have done: it's called reflexology that's a highly dismissive link, BTW

[carolyn_claire]

Monkeys?

[tingler]

And tigers! Yea!

Now I want a massage.

(Of course, this is no different than pretty much every other moment of my life, so no damage.)

Went to the zoo last week. Saw a jaguar thiiiis close. Then he wandered over to a different part of his enclosure, threw himself down, and said, "HUHHUHHUHHUH!" in a deeply dissatisfied manner. He probably could have used a massage.

[carolyn_claire]

Maybe even a massage from a monkey. Monkey massage!

Wait, no. That does not appeal. Also, jaguars probably eat monkeys. Which would be a sort of happy ending for the jaguar, I suppose, but not a great outcome, overall.

Tiger massage?

[ariadne83]

Only if its claws weren't extended.

[ecaterin]

Speaking as a massage therapist of 10 years, I can say that yes, people's bodies became more and more sacred to me :) The incredible engineering, flexibility of design from person to person, the fact that it works, that it processes, that it heals, despite all we do (or don't do) to it & for it....the human body is an amazing harmony of our own intrinsic make up plus the history of our lives. I loved discovering each new one :)

[carolyn_claire]

Big, soft paws (no claws) kneading away--much nicer than a monkey massage. Assuming the tiger doesn't eat anyone, which one probably shouldn't assume, with tigers.

[carolyn_claire]

Do you live near me? How soon can you see me? *sigh*

[malnpudl]

I'm a massage practitioner, and you have no idea how much I enjoyed reading this. :-D

No, she's not judging you. Really. Not at all. Not even a little.

And yeah, it is entirely possible -- and quite wonderful -- to cherish the bodies of strangers. It's an amazing privilege, a gift of trust, to be allowed to lay hands on someone's naked body. I'm grateful to every client for honoring me with their trust, and I care for every one of them.

Re the dark: I often work with my eyes closed. Seems like my hands can "see" better that way. :-)

That stuffed up sinus thing? It happens to everyone at first... but if you get regular massages, that'll stop happening. Cool, huh?

[worn_words]

oh lord, this is exactly what happens to me when I get a massage! even without coffee, my mind is constantly running. theoretically I KNOW I should be able to relax and just enjoy the massage, but I never can!
I also never shave my legs before a massage... but I figure if I'm going to the same person every time then maybe she's used to it...

[elizabeth_rice]

lol

-- This is so going on Dreamwidth.
Thank you for sharing this. ♥

[norah]

Oh my god, this is SUCH a familiar narrative! I have a massage today and I will be thinking similar thoughts...

[lady_katie]

Hi! I was sent this as a like cause I am in school for massage therapy. This is so fantastic!!

Really, don't worry! We don't judge you!

And it's interesting, seeing how there were several things that you "weren't done with"...all the therapists that I've talked to have all said that they prefer when a client gets a 2 hour massage. Because with a one hour massage, you basically just get to touch everywhere. With a two-hour, you can really take your time and focus on areas that need help. Maybe next time you can do that!!

Would you mind if I share this with some of my classmates?

[lady_katie]

Wow...I just reread that first sentence. I'm usually not that ditzy!!

[judas_river]

This.

[lee_rowan]

I wonder if massage therapists get to hate people's bodies?

No! The body is endlessly fascinating. No two treatments are alike--even the same person, a day or two later, is slightly different. The ones who have a problem with bodies generally quit pretty quickly, and that's good for all concerned.

I did massage for 24 years, and the work is not about judging. I can't tell you how many women apologized for not shaving their legs. (I usually told them I hadn't either, not to worry.) Same with fat. Everybody has some. The folks I worried about were the women who were probably anorexic or slim but obsessed with their weight. The purpose is to make the body as it is feel better and function more comfortably.

Or if somehow you can get to the point where you cherish the bodies of strangers?

Yes, you can. Of course, some people--mainly guys who are looking for something other than massage, or people who are just plain old nasty--are not cherishable and do not get another appointment.

That would be a spiritual calling, wouldn't it? But nobody can do their jobs like a spiritual calling 40 hours a week, surely?

It very much IS a spiritual calling. Unless you're 20-something and aiming for burnout, you can't do it 40 hours per week--4-5 treatments per day is about all most people can manage. You have to learn to pace yourself. The slower pace helps you keep focused.

btw, Hungry = tigers. Makes perfect sense to me.

You should send this to Massage Journal or one of the new-age publications. It's great. And god, I miss doing massage. My license is no good in Canada and I don't have the $20K and two years to go back to square one. One of the few regrets I have about moving. Then again, I always wanted to start writing so I'd have something to switch to as I got older; I probably wouldn't be able to do massage full-time anyway.

And no, they are NEVER long enough. 90 minutes is a better length than 60, though. See if you can get an hour-and-a-half.

[paceus]

Hee! This was a funny read, and now I kind of want a massage myself.

[likeaduck]

The line about cherishing the bodies of strangers made me think of you.

[likeaduck]

Heh, suprise tigers and monkeys! Excellent. That would happen to me, I think, though I've never had a proper massage.

[resonant]

I have no idea where they came from. But they're one of my very favorite animals.

[resonant]

Wow. It would be neat to take a massage course. It would probably make my thumbs hurt, though; I've already got some early-onset arthritis.

[resonant]

If I had the chance to have a massage more often, maybe I wouldn't have such unrealistic expectations of perfect mental harmony.

Less coffee would probably help, too.

[resonant]

One very overactive and restless brain.

[resonant]

I want another one already!

[resonant]

They're so wonderful. The spouse usually gives me a massage gift certificate for birthdays, and it's the best gift EVER.

[resonant]

I was just wishing I could stop thinking!

[resonant]

So she was drizzling you with olive oil and littering you with oregano?

You could totally sell a pizza-themed massage. It's not that different from hot-stone therapy and aromatherapy and various herbal exfoliations.

Reflexology -- huh. I've heard of that.

[resonant]

Yeah, I have no idea.

[resonant]

Wow, you do this? That is so cool!

[resonant]

Oh, how cool! It seems like it would be an interesting job to have.

I'd love to have massages often enough to teach my sinuses new tricks!

[resonant]

I couldn't shave because I was growing out for waxing. Maybe that makes it better; at least when it's longer it's softer.

[resonant]

Thanks for tolerating it!

[resonant]

Hope it was a good one!

[resonant]

Sure, share it with anyone you want.

Oh, man, a 2-hour massage sounds like heaven. I've never had anything longer than one hour.

[resonant]

90 minutes would be so nice. Even going up from 30 to 60 seems like a luxury to me.

It's cool to hear from the therapists here, though! It sounds like very interesting work, but difficult.

[resonant]

I always want a massage.

[resonant]

I really, really recommend them. I once talked to a massage therapist who told me that the people who worked in her clinic would all practice on each other, so that she got massages every week, and I was so jealous.

[lee_rowan]

The training is difficult. The uncertainty is difficult--when money is tight, people will cancel massage to save cash, which gets scary in bad economic times (but I've done barter for everything from vet bills to dental work.) Some people are difficult. The work strenuous, but it has a certainty I've never known from anything else except (sometimes) writing. When a person walks into your office in pain and walks out smiling... you are in no doubt that you are doing good in the world--what's sometimes called "right livelihood."

[laurashapiro]

Sadly, yes.

[worn_words]

AHA, I don't shave because I am super lazy in the winter (I can't stand massages in the summer). so it gets pretty gnarly down there.