December daily: Sensory detail

[resonant]

cesperanza gave me this rather blush-inducing prompt: Do you have any tips for us newbies? How do you come up with such original sensory details while the rest of us mortals are doing "Scully smelled like strawberries" or "sandalwood and something else that was pure Blair?" TIPS PLS!

Beginning with the ritual pshaw at Cesca being a newbie ... or needing me to teach her anything ...

In Samuel Delany's Dhalgren there's a scene where the protagonist is in a bar, and he's met up with an astronaut who has walked on the moon.

"Tell me something about it that nobody knows," he says.

The astronaut protests that the story's been told so many times that every single significant detail has been discussed with the press over and over again.

"No, no, I never said significant," the other guy says. "Look at that shelf of bottles. See how, in the last bottle, there's so little liquor that you can see the concavity in the bottom of the bottle sticking up above the liquid? That's not significant. But you wouldn't know it unless you were here."



Later in high school, my creative writing teacher had us keep a daily journal, and if, like John Watson, we felt that nothing happened to us, then we could fill any day with what she called "a list of specifics." When she explained it, I recognized the concept right away: it was being in a place and noticing the things that no one would know if they weren't there.

When I went off to be a feature reporter and was sent out to cover a Christmas parade, I looked at my notes and realized right away that they were basically a list of specifics. ("That kid hardly looks old enough to walk, but he's clogging." "Off-duty Santa smoking a cigarette leaning against the cab of a tractor-trailer." "Not cold enough -- the only people who can see their breath are people who've been running and people who are dancing.")

You don't need lists of specifics for writing a news story about a fire or a trial or a guy getting arrested for beating up his brother with an axe handle (that was the rest of my first three months at the newspaper), but they're great for feature stories, because feature stories aren't really about something happening; they're just about getting a feel for the place.

Now, the major difference between my stories and cesperanza's is that hers have road trips and kidnappings and bar fights and plots, and so she tells what happened.

I am very weak at making things happen, and often such things as do happen, happen only because characters can't talk for paragraph after paragraph without having something to do with their hands. So all I can do is

He slid his hand under her hair and leaned in. Her cheek was chilly under his mouth.

Sherlock raised his head. There was a high flush on his cheeks, and his lower lip was shiny-wet.

"Fine," John said, jaw tight. He could feel his temper uncoiling hotly behind his ribcage.

Time seemed to sputter and slow around him. His lower lip was hot, and that was because Sherlock had bitten him.

try to sink down into the situation until I'm in a place where I can tell you things that you wouldn't know if you weren't there.

Comments

[kass]

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[resonant]

& to you too!

[umbo]

Isn't it cool (and also frustrating) how different writers have such different things they find easier and harder (or almost impossible)? I can sometimes come up with these kinds of details, but only if the scene is something I'm super familiar with myself (e.g. writing about Cleveland in the 80s in Liberator). Otherwise it's super difficult.

[resonant]

This is the way I read romance, too, and it wasn't until I was writing this that it occurred to me that others might not. A good romantic scene is one that I'll read through slowly, with frequent pauses to imagine it as clearly as I can, and if it's well done I'll go through it again trying to imagine it from the POV of the non-POV character.

[monanotlisa]

Simple yet powerful. Thanks for sharing.

[resonant]

The how of writing is very hard to put into words!

[pauraque]

That's how I write too, but I don't know if I would have been able to articulate it that clearly. Great explanation!

[resonant]

I wouldn't bother for every scene, but a scene with a lot of emotional importance -- yeah, I'm closing my eyes to get every detail.

[muccamukk]

This is a great post. I love the Chip Delany example at the start. Do you mind if I link to this?

[resonant]

Sure! Blanket approval always to link to any content that's unlocked (and pretty much all my content is unlocked).

It's occurring to me that it might be fruitful to re-read Dhalgren again specifically as a book about writing, which it clearly is, even though it's about a lot of other things, too.

[ellen_fremedon]

This is the sort of detail that I'm so much better at inventing than observing from life-- part of why I don't write contemporary or near-future/recent past original fic.

[resonant]

Me too, but things I've seen and written down do sometimes find their way into stories much later.

[majoline]

This is a great post! Thank you for sharing ^u^

I think I need to try to get a feel for places more in my writing. Will have to try journaling.

[resonant]

I don't really journal any more -- I tend to fall into the "express my feelings" trap, and then the journal is unpleasant to write and unpleasant to read. It works much better to use it as a sketchbook for writers. I highly recommend lists of specifics.

[taliahale]

The journaling bit is one of those tricks that I've had recced to me repeatedly and keep ignoring. Suppose it's finally time to give it a go.

[resonant]

I wouldn't have done it if she hadn't made me! And I haven't really done it since.

[out_there]

Oh, that's interesting. I had trouble describing exterior scenes until someone (thete1 I think) described it in internal terms -- of describing what that specific character would notice while standing there. If I don't think of it as specifics, but of specifics Character X would notice, I can do it.

[resonant]

Yes, exactly! I hate to read a scene that describes all kinds of useless things about whatever we're looking at -- I get bored and start skimming unless the writer is really tight in character POV.

Pro writers fail at this just as often as fan writers!

[cesperanza]

Belated reply - it's my crunch time! - but this was an amazing response and I feel really pleased as punch to have prompted it. It provoked a really good conversation at astolat's Yuletide party. And then any time anyone told a story we were like - -see you had to have been there to know that! :D :D

Miss you like whoa. Let's meet up ASAP and write some Sherlock, what do you say??

[resonant]

I miss you too! astolat may have told you about my technical difficulties -- the short version: as long as I'm using university wifi, I won't be able to do IRC -- but I have to go to bed so early in order to function these days that I wouldn't be able to hang out anyway. We may have to resort to schedules.

The spouse is reading "Smarter Than You Think" for an article he's writing, and he recognized your name!

[cesperanza]

Wait, what? lol

[cesperanza]

Huh, found it - I guess that book came out finally! Its weird sort of finding yourself a talking head when I've HAD a head for so long! I was born to be a head! :D (Refuses to make joke about "getting ahead.")

[resonant]

One day you'll make headlines.

[azurelunatic]

Yes! I describe that method of the things very simply as "blocking" but it's that level of detail, yes!

[resonant]

I think of 'blocking' as more positioning everybody in physical space and making sure I don't give anybody three hands!

[auctasinistra]

I would have to add to this that - obviously this is my opinion - a person must learn (or instinctively know) that these specifics should be valuable. I'm not sure that's the same thing as "important," when it comes to fiction, if you see what I mean. If it doesn't convey something - an emotional point, a metaphoric image, something that moves the story forward or feeds the reader in some way - it's a wasted detail (I see it a lot in beginners' fiction; someone has told them to provide detail and they do, but it's deadwood because they haven't latched on to how to provide meaningful detail).

[resonant]

Yes, absolutely, you're right -- I wish I'd thought to mention that -- the detail doesn't have to be plot-significant, but it has to have some emotional charge. (Or a sexual one, in a sex scene -- there ought to be some oomph to the fact that Sherlock's lower lip is wet, where you would add nothing in that spot by telling me that his shirt had pearl buttons.)

[auctasinistra]

Exactly - I could feel the emotional impact of the examples you posted. Same with other sensory details - if the words make me feel the cold, or the wet, or the fear, then the author has done it right.

[china_shop]

Thank you for this post. I feel like I used to be better at detail than I am these days, so it was very helpful to be reminded. I've had the tab open since you posted. :-)