How to write a sex scene, part 1

[resonant]

I've moved this series to my webpage. You can find it here.

Comments

[lillyjk.livejournal.com]

I agree with everything you've said above. Maybe it's just the girl in me, but I need to be emotionally invested in the scene. Sex for sex's sake is fine - hey, that can be hot too, but if my heart is drawn into it and I'm worrying/angsting/etc., for the characters, it's even better. plus, especially if you're talking slash I find a lot of the "relationship" type conversations very contrived. I just don't think most men have the long I love you and we'll be together forever convos.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

plus, especially if you're talking slash I find a lot of the "relationship" type conversations very contrived. I just don't think most men have the long I love you and we'll be together forever convos.

No, probably not.

Though, now that I think of it, that may partly explain why there are so many stories that involve one character being (or thinking he is) terminally ill or mortally wounded.

[frostfire-17.livejournal.com]

You know, you've really articulated one of the reasons I just don't like established-relationship stories, and one of the main reasons I will occasionally just skim through the sex scenes (shock!)--because I don't have anything invested in them. Everything you've said is true. And, I think, one of the reasons slash is way cooler than just porn.

Although now I'm going to be thinking about all of my NC-17 stories and wondering if I do this. Oh, well. Self-improvement is good.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

I do that every time I read one of these kinds of entries, too. But I have a very warm fond feeling of affection for your sex scenes.

[yahtzee63.livejournal.com]

Though I think you are quite right about the sense of yearning/urgency/need that sex scenes need to be super-hot, I don't know that I agree that sex can or should contain the resolution to the underlying issues every time. Depends on what the issues are, I think. But certainly I agree that that sex scenes should in some sense be conversations -- the characters are trying to tell each other something, and it's not just "Faster." :)

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

sex scenes should in some sense be conversations -- the characters are trying to tell each other something, and it's not just "Faster."

That's very nicely put. And, yes, there are some issues that can't be resolved by sex -- some issues, even, that can only be made worse by sex. (And of course you have the stories involving catching serial killers and whatnot.)

(Am now wondering if it would be possible for a pair of detectives to catch a serial killer by having sex with each other. Probably if it could be done, Hollywood would have done it.)

[inthekeyofd.livejournal.com]

You are so right, there is nothing better than that sense of yearning, that sense of when you are reading it that there are some questions to be answered, but the scene answers them. For me, it's the emotional ties that are the kicker for me, those are what real me in pretty much all of the time.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

For me, it's the emotional ties that are the kicker for me, those are what real me in pretty much all of the time.

Oh, me too. And that's why I never really got into smut (porn, erotica, whatever) until I found slash -- because without that, it's just not sexy to me.

Yeah, me too.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Darn Good on you!! I'll just link to your four posts once they're all done and a) reach a broader audience, b) don't have to formulate the same things myself while c) risking to be misunderstood or to annoy people and d) there is no d). Because you're the one closest to actually DOING just what I think is the one thing love relationship-stories work.

I think I know what the commenter in front of me meant, and I'd also say you yourself don't adhere to the philosophy that "sex solves everything" or "authors should solve everything with sex"? That might come across from your sentence "put their fears to rest by means of the sex", which I don't think you mean to be interpreted so exclusively.

Re: Yeah, me too.

[ataniell93.livejournal.com]

I do this a lot and I don't think I am saying that sex solves everything; rather, I think there are things that happen during sex that illuminate facets of a character's personality that don't come to the fore in other kinds of situations nearly so easily, and sometimes the information you get from that is the information you needed to have to get past the blockage.

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

Hmm, yes. Decidedly yes. I'd add, I think, that even if they resolve something, said resolution can always fall apart later, and probably ought to, at least somewhat.

For the sex-after-other-resolution... I do rather like fade-to-black sex there sometimes.

They can be sweet and generally don't go on too long; I've done those a few times. The story will often stand just enough sex to get in two moments of "aaaaah, sweet," and a very small dose of hot.

[sophia-helix.livejournal.com]

I think that's a genre unto itself -- the conversation then *is* the focus of the story. You get the brief hit of hotness after, but sex is just the unwritten coda. The money shot was already in the conversation.

I enjoy reading those stories too, although *not* when that happens at the end of a very long story. I like emotional porn as much as anyone else, but it feels cheap when you've read hundreds of K just to get a fade-to-black. :)

[isilya]

Excellent points, and I think that so much of being fannish is about UST that we forget about all the *other* kinds of tension. Then, of course, once the UST becomes RST, our stories collapse on themselves.

Part of being fannish, I think, is about feeling the emotional connection between two characters, but being completely denied the physical. We lean forward, yelling at the screen, just kiss or touch or fuck already! There is subtext, there is *text*, but there is rarely actual skin-to-skin.

Fandom is skin hungry.

But once the first fandom-honeymoon flush of fic is over, it's then that stories that are about more than just UST start coming into their own. When you're hot from canon, you'll devour as much skin to skin as you can get: when you've had your fill of that, you start wanting more than a story revolves around getting them in to bed.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

When you're hot from canon, you'll devour as much skin to skin as you can get

I like this. It's like canon is a long and sometimes rather frustrating period of flirtation and foreplay. So in a sense a first-time story is however long it is, plus however long the canon went on before it. (Which may account for why some late-season SG1 stories and Book 6 Harry Potter stories kind of hurt.)

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

Boy, but you've just reminded me of a very good guideline that I need to think about in relation to the story that I'm currently working one. Sometimes I get so excited at finishing a draft, that I leave some things dangling just to have it done. This is one of the things that frequently gets forgotten in that initial draft, and I have to go in later and fix-it. Very cool.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

It's interesting the order in which people do things. My first draft is sometimes a story that's nothing but sex scenes and conversations -- and even those will have big places where it says **add good conflict here.**

[sophia-helix.livejournal.com]

Nice thoughts. And you're right -- I've read way too many "And then they talked and cried it all out, and then they segued into nice but unnecessary sex afterwards" first-time stories. On the other hand, the other day I read some short sex-story set in an established relationship, but things were uncertain at the beginning of the story and even more uncertain after. I would way rather read that than one in which everything got solved in the first half of the story.

Looking forward to points 2-4...

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

things were uncertain at the beginning of the story and even more uncertain after.

Yes. It hurts, but it means more.

[marici.livejournal.com]

Interesting points, and I'm in agreement with you about 95% of the time. I would like to say, though, that I'm a big fan of the "X has a good day" angst-free story. One good example would be blythely's Draco, Merrily on High (http://www.blythely.net/dmoh.html) -- the author probably thinks the plot is Draco coming in from the cold, but for me the fun is seeing Harry's exuberant house, watching Remus teach Tonks to dance, the sweet little daily details of a good life for characters I love. It's probably even tougher to do this with porn without repetition making it boring, but with virtuoso characterization, I'm pretty sure it can be pulled off.

Sorry for the multiple posting.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

What a lovely story! And perfectly seasonal, too.

But just because it's angst-free doesn't mean I don't want something while I'm reading it. The details you're talking about -- and they are very sweet -- make Harry's life more appealing, and they make Draco more appealing, and they make me want them together.

So in porn, I like a story where what's at stake is "Is Fraser ever going to be able to be vulnerable enough to have a genuine relationship?" but I also like one where what's at stake is "Oh, no, you don't; you are going to quit objecting and let me go down on you, because I like to, you idiot."

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

This is exactly why I find "first time" stories so appealing, and likewise angsty sex scenes of any variety. It's not that I don't want the characters to be happy. It's that unhappiness, anxiety, fear, even desperation are so much more interesting than achieving "and they lived happily ever after" before a sex scene starts, as you so wisely point out. In a mystery story, a good writer will know that the more impediments the detective faces in each chapter, the kind that prevent or hinder him in his progress, the more interesting the chapter, and thus the story, will be. It's much the same here, with the objective being the solution of the "mystery" of the relationship.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

It's that unhappiness, anxiety, fear, even desperation are so much more interesting than achieving "and they lived happily ever after" before a sex scene starts

Yes! I used to think it was evidence of shallowness that I preferred first-times to extablished-relationship scenes, but now I think it's just that I want to see those intimacy barriers fall, and in a first-time nearly any writer can provide me with that, whereas once that first barrier has fallen, it takes more work to keep providing new ones.

[birdsflying]

I can't offer much constructive talk, other than the fact than: a) *yes*, although sometimes, the pointless smut is good but only in its own genre (hoorah for pwp) and b) reading this has helped make a scene in my current sg:a wip fit better, so thank you!

Of course, now it's going to require a change of tone and possibly some pov tweaking but it's going to be a better scene by the end. I hope.

[myalexandria.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if this is an exception or not -- I really do like a good established-relationship story with sex scenes, where the sex is an expression of comforting, steadfast love in whatever uncertain world the story is about. In stories where the relationship *is* the story, I agree with you completely, of course.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

I think I've read romance novels that worked like that -- where the relationship conflict takes a back seat to, say, the effort to find the kidnapped girl and return her to her parents. I can't remember seeing it in any slash stories, but maybe I'm just overlooking it.

[bluebrocade.livejournal.com]

Oooh! Thanks for the advice. I totally see what you mean. This will definitely help me with the secret santa Sentinel story I'm trying to finish right now. The sex did seem kinda anti-climatic. Thanks!!!!

[runpunkrun]

I have never quite looked at sex scenes like this and...I probably should. Something new to try!

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Anything that gets more sex out of you would be a very good thing.

[ecaterin.livejournal.com]

Well I'll be....*that's* why I read your sex scenes. And skim everyone else's.

I read slash for the same reason I read everything - Relationship. For me, any story is about the relationships in it & the rest is all just window dressing. If there's a culture described, it needs to be in terms of a character's relationship TO that culture, or the village's relationship to it, or whatever.

Your sex scenes are parts of the development of the relationships....and so I read them :D Of course your sex scenes are THE HOTTEST. But I still wouldn't read them much if they weren't moving the relationship forward or back.

So happy you cleared that up for me LOL!

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Can't -- move -- enormous -- head!

[meri-oddities.livejournal.com]

Heh. Very good. But I think you're preaching to the choir. Anyone reading this, or reading you, probably already knows this and at least *tries* to do it. The people who aren't reading it, probably don't care. :-)

[millefiori.livejournal.com]

*timidly waves*

I wouldn't exactly agree with that. I've been a longtime fan of resonant's writing (including sex scenes), but I don't think I could've recognized this dynamic if it weren't pointed out to me. I find that a lot of my writing choices are...I dunno, instinctive, maybe? As a writer and a reader, I tend to just vaguely "feel" whether something works. It takes someone with a clear, analytical eye to make me understand *why* it works.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Res: I love you. Can you run a writing workshop some time?

We could invite guest 'speakers' to act out the advice for us. They could be, oh, David Hewlett and whatsisname who plays Goyle, and they could walk us through all the stages as you stand next to a whiteboard and explain, using a dry board marker and a long pointy staff.

The making even the fifth sex scene into something yearnworthy is something you do so superbly yourself. I could just learn forever from that. And the working things out through the sex: it's the only thing, it's the slashiest thing, it's what I'm here for!!

*does some yearning herself, namely for next installment of this*

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Oh, now, writing workshops with live porn? This we could make some money on. At least until the police shut us down.

Not even in San Francisco could you get that combination. And yet it's the answer to so many deep-seated desires!

God, is that Goyle in your icon? He's so pretty. In spite of the wide head.

[alchemia.livejournal.com]

put their fears to rest by means of the sex. That way it means something.

i find the "magic sex fixes everything" approach in stories to be boring. I want to read something original and different that doesn't depend on this predictable formula that guarentees the problems will be solved through porn in the last chapter. I don't find it adds meaning, but takes it away, because unless the character's problem is directly related to sex, solving it through sex is both unrealistic and trivialising to the character and their problem.

[crysothemis.livejournal.com]

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes.

This is precisely the difference between good sex scenes and, well, boring ones. This is why I skip sex scenes in a lot of profic. This is what makes *any* scene worth reading -- make me want something, and then use the action to twist and thwart and magnify and ultimately satisfy (or fail to satisfy) that desire.

To some this may be preaching to the choir, but as a writer (well, a sometime writer), I don't think I can be reminded of this often enough. Because to me this is right at the core of good fiction writing . . .

[ardent-muses.livejournal.com]

I have thought of this in terms of conflict, as in "sex scenes need conflict, just like other scenes" but your way of explaining it is much clearer and really fits with what I know to be true from my own reading experience. It also helps explain to me why established relationship stories rarely work for me as well as first times.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! So glad you're doing this! ::takes notes:::

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

I think "conflict" and "something to long for" are pretty much different words for the same thing. When I'm being less articulate, I just say, "This is pointless! Why would I even bother to read this when nothing is different after it's over?"

[flaming-muse.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

It's pretty common to read a story where the first-time scene is fine, but all the subsequent sex scenes are either pointless or boring.

Oh, my god, yes. I read too many stories like these. First sex scene's great, all the rest are, "And now for some more of the same!" Yawn.

This is wonderful. I want to see more of these parts!

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

I once described those subsequent scenes to panisdead as "And then there were peaceful years filled with spectacular fucks. Here's one of htem."

[lapin-agile.livejournal.com]

Yes. Exactly. The reason to include sex in a story (even porn, in my opinion, but then, I *am* a woman) is if it advances the reader's understanding of the characters. I almost demanded that it advance the plot as well, but if it adds significant character development, then it serves the plot in an important way and to make plot-advancement a stipulation might confuse the issue.

I really appreciate these posts. Thank you for them

[tesseract-5.livejournal.com]

yes yes and yes! to your post

That's the problem with Romance Novel sex scenes: it's fireworks the first time and then blah, okay, they either fight and bicker and then have perfect make-up sex.

The characters in fandom that are popular have such rich complexities that they deserve to have those unearthed and worked through on their way to fumbling with each other!

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I have that problem with romance novels, too. Unless the authur tries to solve the problem by making the woman more or less unwilling throughout the book (you know, that romance-novel brand of noncon that results in the hero chuckling and saying, "Little spitfire!"), which is its own problem.