Overheard and overseen
Nov. 4th, 2006 08:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
resonantBest search string used to find one of my stories: nipple+laptop.
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At the slide: "My butt don't fit through there no more."
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"My son's third-grade class was eight girls and him, and one day he came home and said, 'I need to take in some hand lotion and some lip gloss.' "
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"You can lead a horse to water, but I'm not touchin' it."
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"Have a good night. Day. Whatever. Have a good next unit of time."
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"Did you know what I meant by knacky?"
"I figured it was part of your native dialect."
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Behind the counter at the coffee shop: "Sorry. Grinding equals no hearing."
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"You have brightened my day. I lift my coffee to you. Um -- I lift someone else's coffee to you."
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"She has school pictures today, and her arms are absolutely covered with My Little Pony tattoos."
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"If espresso splashes you and dries, it looks a little like henna."
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"Who was on the phone?"
"Wrong number. She was looking for Papa John's Pizza."
"Isn't everybody looking for Papa John's? Isn't Papa John's just a metaphor for the ethereal reality of our existence?"
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The spouse: "Reading the newspaper is like looking at the night sky. You see all this light, and it's light from thousands of years ago."
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"So I arrived at five, and nobody was here, and it's six, nobody here -- seven, nobody here -- and after a bit I started thinking: Maybe I'm dead. Maybe I died in the night and I just don't know how not to come to work."
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The tech goddess: My week basically disintegrates as it progresses.
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The spouse: "Oh, I had to make up a story about you today to get through a difficult moment in the men's room."
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At the slide: "My butt don't fit through there no more."
-----
"My son's third-grade class was eight girls and him, and one day he came home and said, 'I need to take in some hand lotion and some lip gloss.' "
-----
"You can lead a horse to water, but I'm not touchin' it."
-----
"Have a good night. Day. Whatever. Have a good next unit of time."
-----
"Did you know what I meant by knacky?"
"I figured it was part of your native dialect."
-----
Behind the counter at the coffee shop: "Sorry. Grinding equals no hearing."
-----
"You have brightened my day. I lift my coffee to you. Um -- I lift someone else's coffee to you."
-----
"She has school pictures today, and her arms are absolutely covered with My Little Pony tattoos."
-----
"If espresso splashes you and dries, it looks a little like henna."
-----
"Who was on the phone?"
"Wrong number. She was looking for Papa John's Pizza."
"Isn't everybody looking for Papa John's? Isn't Papa John's just a metaphor for the ethereal reality of our existence?"
-----
The spouse: "Reading the newspaper is like looking at the night sky. You see all this light, and it's light from thousands of years ago."
-----
"So I arrived at five, and nobody was here, and it's six, nobody here -- seven, nobody here -- and after a bit I started thinking: Maybe I'm dead. Maybe I died in the night and I just don't know how not to come to work."
-----
The tech goddess: My week basically disintegrates as it progresses.
-----
The spouse: "Oh, I had to make up a story about you today to get through a difficult moment in the men's room."
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(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 04:17 am (UTC)I am DYING to know: a) how difficult could this moment have been?; and b) what did he tell the other guy?
The possibilities are running riot in my brain...
(no subject)
Date: 11/15/06 03:36 pm (UTC)One of his co-workers for some reason decided to mention that he'd had a prostate exam that day -- while the two of them were washing their hands in the men's room. The spouse apparently was just struck dumb by this, and could not think of anything to say, and the silence was getting awkward, so finally he said, "Yeah, any time I complain about those, my wife just gives me this look like, 'I gave birth, moron; don't complain to me about a little finger once a year."
Which is true.