Overheard and overseen
Nov. 4th, 2006 08:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Best search string used to find one of my stories: nipple+laptop.
-----
At the slide: "My butt don't fit through there no more."
-----
"My son's third-grade class was eight girls and him, and one day he came home and said, 'I need to take in some hand lotion and some lip gloss.' "
-----
"You can lead a horse to water, but I'm not touchin' it."
-----
"Have a good night. Day. Whatever. Have a good next unit of time."
-----
"Did you know what I meant by knacky?"
"I figured it was part of your native dialect."
-----
Behind the counter at the coffee shop: "Sorry. Grinding equals no hearing."
-----
"You have brightened my day. I lift my coffee to you. Um -- I lift someone else's coffee to you."
-----
"She has school pictures today, and her arms are absolutely covered with My Little Pony tattoos."
-----
"If espresso splashes you and dries, it looks a little like henna."
-----
"Who was on the phone?"
"Wrong number. She was looking for Papa John's Pizza."
"Isn't everybody looking for Papa John's? Isn't Papa John's just a metaphor for the ethereal reality of our existence?"
-----
The spouse: "Reading the newspaper is like looking at the night sky. You see all this light, and it's light from thousands of years ago."
-----
"So I arrived at five, and nobody was here, and it's six, nobody here -- seven, nobody here -- and after a bit I started thinking: Maybe I'm dead. Maybe I died in the night and I just don't know how not to come to work."
-----
The tech goddess: My week basically disintegrates as it progresses.
-----
The spouse: "Oh, I had to make up a story about you today to get through a difficult moment in the men's room."
-----
At the slide: "My butt don't fit through there no more."
-----
"My son's third-grade class was eight girls and him, and one day he came home and said, 'I need to take in some hand lotion and some lip gloss.' "
-----
"You can lead a horse to water, but I'm not touchin' it."
-----
"Have a good night. Day. Whatever. Have a good next unit of time."
-----
"Did you know what I meant by knacky?"
"I figured it was part of your native dialect."
-----
Behind the counter at the coffee shop: "Sorry. Grinding equals no hearing."
-----
"You have brightened my day. I lift my coffee to you. Um -- I lift someone else's coffee to you."
-----
"She has school pictures today, and her arms are absolutely covered with My Little Pony tattoos."
-----
"If espresso splashes you and dries, it looks a little like henna."
-----
"Who was on the phone?"
"Wrong number. She was looking for Papa John's Pizza."
"Isn't everybody looking for Papa John's? Isn't Papa John's just a metaphor for the ethereal reality of our existence?"
-----
The spouse: "Reading the newspaper is like looking at the night sky. You see all this light, and it's light from thousands of years ago."
-----
"So I arrived at five, and nobody was here, and it's six, nobody here -- seven, nobody here -- and after a bit I started thinking: Maybe I'm dead. Maybe I died in the night and I just don't know how not to come to work."
-----
The tech goddess: My week basically disintegrates as it progresses.
-----
The spouse: "Oh, I had to make up a story about you today to get through a difficult moment in the men's room."
(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 02:51 am (UTC)B
(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 02:54 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 02:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 07:56 am (UTC)Yeah!
Date: 11/5/06 06:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/15/06 03:23 pm (UTC)One of his co-workers for some reason decided to mention that he'd had a prostate exam that day -- while the two of them were washing their hands in the men's room. The spouse apparently was just struck dumb by this, and could not think of anything to say, and the silence was getting awkward, so finally he said, "Yeah, any time I complain about those, my wife just gives me this look like, 'I gave birth, moron; don't complain to me about a little finger once a year."
Which is true.
Overheard on the train
Date: 11/5/06 03:03 am (UTC)Re: Overheard on the train
Date: 11/15/06 03:25 pm (UTC)This reminds me of me, actually. For years whenever I'd see a police car parked next to another car in some terribly dangerous location, I'd think, "Why do the police pull people over in such unsafe places?!" It was years before it occurred to me: Duh, the other car was parked/abandoned in an unsafe place, and they put the cop car there to stop the other car from causing accidents!
(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 03:06 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/15/06 03:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 03:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 03:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 03:30 am (UTC)LMAO. I can't even imagine.
(no subject)
Date: 11/15/06 03:28 pm (UTC)One of his co-workers for some reason decided to mention that he'd had a prostate exam that day -- while the two of them were washing their hands in the men's room. The spouse apparently was just struck dumb by this, and could not think of anything to say, and the silence was getting awkward, so finally he said, "Yeah, any time I complain about those, my wife just gives me this look like, 'I gave birth, moron; don't complain to me about a little finger once a year."
Which is true.
(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 03:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 04:14 am (UTC)"I lift someone else's coffee to you." :D :D :D
(no subject)
Date: 11/15/06 03:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 04:15 am (UTC)And--how, exactly, does one find out what people are searching to find your stories? Because that sounds like it would be totally fascinating.
(no subject)
Date: 11/15/06 03:33 pm (UTC)When I post a story from a LJ announcement, I can actually see who is reading it -- or at least whose friendslist each hit came from. That's also how I learned that people named their custom friends groups things like "nonopod" and "nodrama" and "everyonebutyou."
My individual stories (at least the R and NC17 ones, which is almost all of them) have a code in them that's supposed to block search robots, so nearly all the searches take people to my main page rather than the story pages. My most common search, by far, is "Hermione+NC17."
(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 04:17 am (UTC)I am DYING to know: a) how difficult could this moment have been?; and b) what did he tell the other guy?
The possibilities are running riot in my brain...
(no subject)
Date: 11/15/06 03:36 pm (UTC)One of his co-workers for some reason decided to mention that he'd had a prostate exam that day -- while the two of them were washing their hands in the men's room. The spouse apparently was just struck dumb by this, and could not think of anything to say, and the silence was getting awkward, so finally he said, "Yeah, any time I complain about those, my wife just gives me this look like, 'I gave birth, moron; don't complain to me about a little finger once a year."
Which is true.
(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 04:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/6/06 02:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/6/06 03:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 04:43 am (UTC)This is hilarious, m'dear!
Someday I'll have to share with you the file of insanity WE keep 'round these parts.
(no subject)
Date: 11/15/06 03:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 04:57 am (UTC)That is so true. Also, you want to chat while I'm foaming your soy? Really? Well, you just keep moving your lips and I'll just nod whenever I see you pause.
Although, the one about the story in the men's room is the absolute best. My mind is going in so many directions on that one.
(no subject)
Date: 11/15/06 03:38 pm (UTC)As for the men's room -- I should really have included some explanation; now I'm just pasting in the same explanation in everybody's comment.
One of his co-workers for some reason decided to mention that he'd had a prostate exam that day -- while the two of them were washing their hands in the men's room. The spouse apparently was just struck dumb by this, and could not think of anything to say, and the silence was getting awkward, so finally he said, "Yeah, any time I complain about those, my wife just gives me this look like, 'I gave birth, moron; don't complain to me about a little finger once a year."
Which is true.
(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 05:05 am (UTC)*ggg*
(no subject)
Date: 11/15/06 03:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 05:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 05:52 am (UTC)Woman: "What is the soup of the day?"
Waiter: "Tomato.:
Woman: "Is that vegetarian?"
(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 05:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 06:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/15/06 03:46 pm (UTC)"What's the soup du jour?"
"The soup of the day."
(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 09:13 am (UTC)like Binns, except children went for his class :)
(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 09:19 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 10:43 am (UTC)"Have a good night. Day. Whatever. Have a good next unit of time."
This reminds me of something my cousin said when she was very small. We rarely got a chance to see her, so instead of saying, "I'll see you in a while." She said, "I'll see you in a couple of whiles."
(no subject)
Date: 11/15/06 03:43 pm (UTC)In my old job, we used to pass around documents for the designers to critique the graphic design. One designer would comment, "Maybe make the headline a tad bigger?" and another would add, "Two or three tads."
(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 02:34 pm (UTC)"She has school pictures today, and her arms are absolutely covered with My Little Pony tattoos."
Thank you!
(no subject)
Date: 11/5/06 04:27 pm (UTC)Clearly, I need to start hanging out in cafes more often...
(no subject)
Date: 11/6/06 10:43 pm (UTC)I have this horrid feeling that this is a flash-forward to my future ....