Hangups

[resonant]

Enough real life. Let's play a game.

You give me a fannish character I'm reasonably familiar with, and for that person I will give you a hangup. You know: a sexual dysfunction, an unexpected inhibition or aversion, some perfectly ordinary thing he/she simply cannot handle.

If I'm *not* familiar with your character, maybe some other reader will join in.

-----

We have requests that I'm unable to fill:
Joe Dawson
John Winchester
Reese or Finch
Christopher Chant

Anybody want to take these on?

Comments

[reginagiraffe]

John Watson.

[armadillo1976]

Seconding this!

[jelazakazone]

Luna Lovegood.

[resonant]

Yay, Luna! That's an unexpected pleasure!

First of all, naturally Luna has some firmly held, deeply odd beliefs. Maybe she likes you to nibble on her left ear, but won't let you do the same to her right ear. "That's how Patagonian Ear Pixies fertilize their eggs," she says, as if you should already have known that.

Second, I can't help feeling that any attempt at kink would fall short, because she has no real feeling for what's supposed to be dirty or forbidden or any of that. You'd confess a dark desire and she'd shrug and say, "If you want to, but I got a bit bored with that in Patagonia. Not worth the cleanup."

[mossybomb]

Vetinari!

[resonant]

One obvious hangup of Vetinari's is the likelihood that anyone who wants to have sex with him is actually trying to kill him. It would be funny if he employed the sexual equivalent of food tasters to test every potential partner out beforehand.

There's also the issue of the incredibly arcane calculations that would go into predicting how any given coupling would affect Ankh-Morpork.

In fact, Vetinari cares a lot more about the city than he would about any partner, however beloved. You could define him as Ankh-Morpork-sexual.

(That only makes me want to pair him with Carrot -- since in the ancient understanding the body of the rightful king is the state.)

[rhi]

Joe Dawson

[resonant]

No Highlander background, sorry. (Had to Google him to figure out who he was. Handsome!)

Anyone else?

[libitina]

Joe Dawson loves doing down on women. Lives for it. He would do it until the sun came up, make her breakfast, and then offer to go back to bed for some more. His hands are pretty good, too. And so while it's a little frustrating that he can't always maintain an erection (well, rarely can), he certainly hasn't had any woman leave him less than thoroughly satisfied.

[quinfirefrorefiddle]

Molly Hooper

[resonant]

We see Molly being shy and awkward, but mostly I think it's that damnable crush on Sherlock that makes her that way.

I think she would be very good with her hands -- good, in general, at giving another person pleasure -- but it would take a bit of doing to get her to be selfish. So I think she sometimes has difficulty reaching orgasm.

(Tempted, based on what was written above, to pair her with Joe Dawson. Probably do them both good.)

[riverlight]

Eames!

[resonant]

Wow, that's challenging.

Eames struck me as being uncommonly comfortable in physicality -- all there, occupying three-dimensional space, this big guy in a loud shirt who knows very well how sexy he is.

What's more, I think Eames would be able to find the sexiness in pretty much any amiable person (or pleasantly non-amiable people such as Arthur, too), and feel a lot of honest lust for people that others overlook. There's probably an extraordinary number of people in his world for whom he provided their ten or eleven best-ever sexual experiences.

But if somehow sex with you managed to open up deep emotions in him, you'd lose him. Possibly even in the middle of sex you'd lose him. And I'm talking no-forwarding-address, never-met-anybody-by-that-name lost.

[hypertwink]

Phil Coulson

[resonant]

It's hard to imagine Coulson having any dysfunctions of any kind!

But I can see the desire/need/habit of being competent at everything all the time becoming a problem for him -- if paired with a partner who was nonorgasmic or just kind of wasn't feeling it right now, he might take it very much to heart and be deeply troubled by it.

[lexin]

I have to...Sherlock Holmes (any of them...)

[resonant]

I saved this for last, because thoughts! So very many thoughts!

I see BBC Sherlock as slow to get going and slow to get off. (Actually I think he's probably not as much off the norm as he thinks he is, but he has very little experience, and much of the experience he does have was with jerks, so he believes he's bizarre when in fact he's just a little unusual.)

The other problem with Sherlock, of course, is that when he's embarrassed he gets hostile, and when he's hostile he gets really vicious. This would be one of the reasons he doesn't have much experience. This version of Sherlock leads the league in the number of people with whom he has had only one (or possibly only part of one) sexual encounter.

[brynwulf]

John Winchester

[resonant]

Sorry, no clue when it comes to Supernatural. Anyone else?

[wrabbit]

Remus Lupin

[resonant]

I started but never finished a Snape/Lupin story, Remission, back in the day, and one of the things I was working with was the idea that Lupin was sort of alienated from his body, for obvious reasons, and particularly from his mouth. I was having a good time imagining the benefits of a lover who wasn't sympathetic and didn't really care if Lupin's feelings were hurt. I wish I'd finished that story; waste of several perfectly good sex scenes.

[laurenthemself]

Neville Longbottom, please and thank you.

[resonant]

The Neville I wrote in Transfigurations was extrapolated from the early books, not from the kick-ass later Neville!

Given what we know about Neville from the finished series, I'm inclined to view him as somebody you'd be lucky to find in your bed -- confident, good-humored, not at all a person to be thrown by embarrassing sex misfortunes like impotence or an ill-timed fart.

Maybe he's the kind who has difficulty taking himself seriously enough for times of emotional intensity?

[out_there]

Lestrade. Ridcully.

[resonant]

Lestrade: Falls in love too fast. Knows he falls in love too fast. Is hampered sometimes by simultaneously trying to make sure you have a good time and trying to make sure he doesn't make a fool of himself by expanding two good nights into a lifetime of true love.

True love eventually has to come and whack him over the head.

Oh, man, the idea of Ridcully! What a horror. He'd insist on all sorts of athletic exertions. He'd like super-early-morning sex -- wake you at the crack of dawn for a position that resembled squat-thrusts, followed by a nice ten-mile march through the countryside before breakfast.

[thatyourefuse]

I don't think we have any characters of overlap, but this needs to be a meme.

[resonant]

I agree! Go for it!

[gurrier]

Oooh, what a great idea! I love the women of Discworld, so Lady Sybil or Cheery Littlebottom?

[resonant]

Sybil has never been a beauty, and she's reached a sort of peace with not being a beauty, but there are all sorts of parts of her body that she'd rather one didn't touch, because she doesn't like to be reminded of what they look like.

It takes years of Sam's astonished, almost reverent ways (bashfully in the dark) before she understands how little beauty matters, compared to other things.

Edna St. Vincent Millay has a lovely sonnet on beauty: "when I say, 'Not fair,' / 'Tis but as if I said, 'Not here - not there - / Not risen - -not writing letters.'"

Cheery: Well, I don't know what dwarves do in the dark (the dwarves know, and that's good enough), but I imagine that femininity is a source of both arousal and anxiety. Lingerie! That would be an intense and difficult night.

[astolat]

oooo! Reese or Finch or both! :D

[resonant]

Oh, dear -- I can read the stories, but I can't even begin to write the characters. Maybe someone else can fill in the blanks? Maybe you?

[libitina]

Charlie Weasley

[quinfirefrorefiddle]

Oh yum, cannot wait for this answer, I spent a fair chunk of my fandom adolescence reading Inell´s Charlie-fic.

[minutia_r]

On the off chance--Christopher Chant?

[resonant]

Aw, man, I've read the books, but I can't even remember enough to take a guess. Sorry!

[runpunkrun]

Rodney McKay?

[resonant]

Yay, another chance to spend a little time with Rodney!

It is possible, maybe even likely, that all of Rodney's arrogance actually springs from insecurity, but that gives us a kind of predictable set of hangups, and it's boring.

So let's not.

Instead, let's say that Rodney truly, really sometimes would rather say something clever than have an orgasm.

Also that he isn't good at oral sex because you have to stop talking.

[woldy]

Either Granny Weatherwax or Harry Potter - take your pick!

[resonant]

Wow! An interesting idea!

On some level I see Granny as being perpetually virginal -- a source of her power, possibly.

On another level, though, I see her only being able to get involved with people who are just too good-humoredly thickheaded to take notice of her palpable disdain (I believe canonically she had at least a flirtation with Ridcully, who is just the sort I mean) or is able to pretend to be so (Nanny Ogg is my favorite candidate for that position).

Sometimes I think she'd like to be wanton but she's been uptight for so long that she doesn't know how.

Harry's too eager to please, I think. A person who goes to bed with Harry might come away thinking, "I'm having sex, and Harry is ... helping me have sex."

[karmageddon]

Ronan from SGA

[resonant]

Wasn't the Wraith chip under the skin of his upper back? That spot is going to be an obvious problem. Which adds a level of difficulty to getting fucked from behind, which I'm thinking maybe he used to enjoy.

On the other hand, maybe it's the opposite. Maybe he loves to have that spot touched, kissed, bitten. Reclaimed.