Boring smut

[resonant]

Boring Sex Scene Warning #1: "Let's take this somewhere else."

"Not here." "Could we move this to the bedroom?"

This sort of thing is the reason that some writers do sex scene after sex scene and they're all exactly the same.

The scene leading up to sex might have some nice physical/logistical momentum. The guys might be delighted to find themselves slow-dancing in the living room, or having a deep emotional conversation while one of them stands in the kitchen and the other sits on the counter, or kissing while one of them sits in an armchair and the other one bends forward, one hand braced on each arm ...

... but the moment someone says, "Let's take this somewhere more comfortable, shall we?", then you know the next place they'll be is in a bed, side by side, heads on the pillow.

Why not just have some nice half-dressed frottage in the living room, while the CD player spins "Summertime, and the livin' is easy" again and again? Why not explore the possibilities inherent in having the standing guy precisely at mouth-to-nipple height to the sitting-on-the-counter guy? Why not leave sweaty handprints in the crushed velvet of the armchair and wipe up afterwards with the antimacassar? I mean, what else is an antimacassar good for?

Comments

[neeteeus.livejournal.com]

Hear, hear! =D

[uschickens.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes, yes, and yes. Too often, the venue-change dialogue serves as the dividing line between the Foreplay box and the Actual, Real Sex box, to be followed by the Afterglow and Emotional Examination of What Sex *Meant* box. Not that this scenario can't be handled extremely well in certain situations, but often it's just...boxy and unwieldly.

And the living-room frottage scene reminds me of one of my favorite 'encounters' - in AuKestrel's Waiting to Fall, Ben and Ray dancing to Sinatra with some lovely upright gropage. See, it *can* be done! And there really should be more counter exploitation. And, well, I'm never going to be able to sit on my grandmother's couch with a straight face again. Antimacassars, indeed.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

the dividing line between the Foreplay box and the Actual, Real Sex box, to be followed by the Afterglow and Emotional Examination of What Sex *Meant* box

Ooh, well put. And in fact one of the problems that tags along with the "Let's go someplace more comfortable" is a sense that some kinds of sexual contact are Real and other kinds are not.

[umbo.livejournal.com]

This made me smile, Res--thanks for posting it--although now I'm really going to be self-conscious the next time I set a sex scene in an actual bed!

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

[grinning] Yeah, I'm sure I've done it myself, too. Pretty much everything that bugs me, I've done.

[flambeau.livejournal.com]

I mean, what else is an antimacassar good for?

What with so few people using macassar oil these days, yeah. I'd also like to vote for a moratorium on certain bits of dialogue, whether or not they make it to the boring bed. Specifically, "What do you want?" "I want you." Well, duh. Having sex with someone tends to be a giveaway, there. It would be refreshing to see something along the lines of, "One blowjob, hold the teeth."

[eleanorb.livejournal.com]

Can I add "You have too many clothes on" and "You're going to like this" (a guy about to give a blow-job to another guy) to the list :-)

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

"You have too many clothes on"

Oh yes.

"You're going to like this" (a guy about to give a blow-job to another guy)

"You're kidding. I'd always heard blow jobs were awful."

(Actually, I gather from one of my discussion boards that a fair number of guys can't come that way. I'd love to see that make it into a story. "You're going to like this." "Probably not as much as you think.")

[eleanorb.livejournal.com]

(Actually, I gather from one of my discussion boards that a fair number of guys can't come that way. I'd love to see that make it into a story. "You're going to like this." "Probably not as much as you think.")

I'm totally fascinated by that comment. I've never heard of any bloke saying that before. I thought it was all down to the skill of the person giving head as to how long it lasted. Fascinating!

[mommybird.livejournal.com]

*applauds the Frohike icon*

Frohike

[(Anonymous)]

Frohike icon? What Frohike icon? I *love* Frohike. Where, where?

xxx, Mog

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Shocked the hell out of me, too, when several of the guys on the board said, basically, "Sure, it's nice, you can do it as long as you want to, but don't expect to hit the jackpot that way." (My own experience had not turned up this fact.)

[amberfox.livejournal.com]

How odd. I did have a man tell me that once, but my own independent research on the matter proved that they just hadn't been doing it right. *smirks and buffs her nails on her chest*

[valarltd.livejournal.com]

My independent research has indeed confirmed the fact. The most sensual man I ever met could not come from oral sex. Not through 5 marriages, innumerable girlfriends or me.

Actually, I've met very few who come strictly from oral stimulation. They have to do some thrusting.

[ursula]

I've observed the first line of dialogue (or the corresponding "I have too many clothes on") rather often in real life-- but it usually stems from a situation in which one person is naked and the other wearing everything but shoes.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

"What do you want?" "I want you."

Oh god yes. Can we bring back flogging for that one?

Although I do get where it comes from -- one of the cool things about slash is that there are lots of different things they could do and no Single Default Sex Act.

[mommybird.livejournal.com]

one of the cool things about slash is that there are lots of different things they could do and no Single Default Sex Act.

That *should* be true, but in practice, sex in slashfic = anal intercourse, just as to most people sex in a het context = vaginal intercourse. I once wrote an entire Sentinel story, in fact, based on my protest against the term "making love" as a euphemism for "fucking," because to me, "making love" encompasses the entire range of activity, the whole of sexual intimacy, of which intercourse, vaginal or anal, is but one (thoroughly enjoyable) maneuver. The story was called "Making Love," for those who might remember it. *g* That particular euphemism was, you should excuse the term, rampant in Sentinel fic in my day.

I seem to also recall writing a Mulder/Scully piece that consisted entirely of oral sex, no intercourse, in protest against the same tendency in het writing.

*squints suspiciously at recent original stories and vows to give Dermot a good wank soon*

[laurakaye.livejournal.com]

::Laura paranoidly thinks about her own fic::

• O My America: Fraser's father's cabin. Only one room. Once on the floor, once up against the wall (Whoo! Two Step!)
  
• Emergent: They do end up in the bedroom, but first Fraser blows him at the dinner table.
  
• Honestly Do: Vecchio steers them into the bedroom, but only because there's currently evidence on the couch.

OK. Whew. I think I'm probably safe.

[evilprettykitty.livejournal.com]

Oh yes! And "(whoever) stopped thinking at all. " BORING!

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Eek. I believe I've done that repeatedly. [Res slams the oven door on her ears]

[amberfox.livejournal.com]

I've had a lot of sex, and I have never once stopped thinking. Sometimes I've been reduced to thinking only about the sex, but as scattered as I am, it takes really good sex to even reach that point.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

[laughing] Reminds me of that old Life In Hell cartoon about monogamy, where the one character says, "I love you," and the other one says, "Yes, but did you take out the garbage?"

[wordwitch.livejournal.com]

Hm. My experience with the thinking bit is that, the better it gets, the less I process verbalism, and I have to go to picture-symbolic thinking. Talking gets ... problematic.

So while I think there might be other ways to convey it, the process itself is quite well-established enough to keep.

[helvirago]

Oh, man, I've barely started writing in this fandom, and already I'm paranoid!

I do see what you mean, but surely the desire not to be cliched needs to be balanced against the fact that sex in real life is kind of cliched? People do end up in the bedroom a great deal of the time, and there are only so many ways to say, "He came."

Eh. I'm just being defensive. I do know exactly what you mean, but I'm starting to get so hemmed in by seeing things that I don't want to do (Okay, that thing there is out of character, and that's been done to death, and that's a little trite, and this over here seems like heterosexual projection...) that I'm worrying I'll never write anything again!

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

No, but see, it's not sex-in-a-bed that I object to. It's stopping in the middle to move to a bed.

It's partly because of the loss of spontaneity and urgency, but only partly. (I mean, you can't always be spontaneous, especially when you started making out in a bar or someplace else where you could get arrested for continuing.)

The main problem I have with it is precisely what you say: here are only so many ways to say, "He came." One of the ways you get some variety into your sex scenes is by following through with the physical logistics of the first kiss. But writers lose that when they call a halt to the action and drag the guys into the bedroom every time.

(Okay, that thing there is out of character, and that's been done to death, and that's a little trite, and this over here seems like heterosexual projection...)

So glad I'm not the only one subject to the Slash Spiral of Narrowing Possibilities!

[axiom_of_stripe]

heh. and here i've been thinking to myself, "self, you need to get your characters to have more sex in their actual beds in their actual bedrooms, or they'll all be out of commission with unfortunate splinters and/or sprained backs". maybe that's just me.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Ah, hell, they're fictional characters. Their role in life is to suffer for our pleasure.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

On the other hand, though, I've just remembered a sex scene in a book I read once with older-than-usual characters, in which she says, "Do you want to make love?" and he says, "God, yes," and she says, "Then let's get up and brush our teeth and do it properly."

Which was very sweet and very much in character for those particular people. But now I'm picturing your particular version of Kowalski: "Fuck you very much, Vecchio. You go brush your teeth, I'll have somebody else on their knees by the time you get back."

[amberfox.livejournal.com]

*giggles cheerfully* Now that's fabulous.

interruptus

[(Anonymous)]

Hee, and I'm remembering a show I saw last night, jeeze I think it was a rerun of "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" in which the parental couple were going to get it on in the jacuzzi and the (big, fat) husband called, "Don't forget the nose plugs!"

Took a while to sink in but may I say, I was shocked! *Shocked!* (g)

xxx, Mog

[ex-ajhalluk585.livejournal.com]

In the days when Victorian gentlemen could not appear in public without having been slicked down with aromatic, viscous, dreamily sensuous macassar oil, the purpose of the antimacassar was to keep the stains off the furniture. So not only is that what's it's good for, it's what the manufacturer's instructions say its for (unlike the manufacturers instructions on a vibrator which I saw once, which claimed it was for relaxing tension in the shoulders).

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Victorian gentlemen could not appear in public without having been slicked down with aromatic, viscous, dreamily sensuous macassar oil

[trying very hard to keep my brain from going to a Bad Lube Place]

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

*has laughing fit at image of anti-macassar*

What I hate most is the command "Bed! Now!" I cannot imagine anyone barking this injunction out when transported by the throes of passion. Nor can I imagine anyone complying with such an imperious monosyllabic turn-off.

"Anti-macassar! Now!"

[spillingvelvet.livejournal.com]

hear hear!!

[china_shop]

... but the moment someone says, "Let's take this somewhere more comfortable, shall we?", then you know the next place they'll be is in a bed, side by side, heads on the pillow.

"Let's take this somewhere more comfortable, shall we?"

They went into the hall and stood by the elevator, impatiently, too nervous to even hold hands. Fraser was blushing, his fingers itching to feel Ray's hair. By the time the doors pinged open they were boiling over, like spaghetti on the stove when the element's turned up too high. They stumbled together, almost bowling over old Mrs Smithson from floor nine.

"Don't mind us," Ray told her, slipping off his jacket. "We have some business to take care of." He started undoing Fraser's uniform with his teeth.

"I like elevators," Fraser explained apologetically.

Mrs Smithsonian rolled her eyes and pressed the 9 button a couple more times.

[china_shop]

Sorry. My mind went places (so to speak).

Excellent and funny advice. Thanks.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Wow! You make a pretty impressive counter-argument there.

[china_shop]

*beam* Glad you liked it.

[damned-colonial.livejournal.com]

*snerk* Lovely!

[wildmachinery.livejournal.com]

That's the most fantastic thing ever. *loves*

[celli]

*grins* hee!

[shatterglass.livejournal.com]

Heehehe.

(And: You are really good food, and I am full.)

[laurakaye.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

[axiom_of_stripe]

hee! that's fabulous!

[shatterglass.livejournal.com]

Ex-actly.

[mzcalypso.livejournal.com]

Boring Sex Scene Warning #1: "Let's take this somewhere else."

For some reason, I just didn't think of the bedroom... my mind started throwing out old song titles:

"Up on the Roof"
"Under the Boardwalk"
"Do You Know the Way to San Jose?"
"Hernando's Hideaway"
"Why Don't We Do It In the Road?"



As far as "What do you want?" goes ... well, my own experience is that a fair amount of sex talk is less than Pulitzer-quality original when the mind's on more important things. "What do you want?" can be banal... or it can be a way one character finally gets the other to admit something he's trying to avoid ... or it can be cheesy. I'd rather read something that struck an emotionally true note than something glib, innovative, and affected. It's all context...

[mekare]

Haha here via fictional_fans post about writing sex. I am so glad this is on dreamwidth now.