Mood goes ... thunk.

[resonant]

So I got 100% on a Microsoft Excel test yesterday, and I came home from work and removed a metric shit-ton of junk from my basement today, and I was feeling pretty darned good.

And then the spouse e-mailed me a link to a job in New City, and I thought, "Well, it's more secretarial work, which I don't really want, but on the other hand I have to have a job and it might be good practice to apply for this one."

So I download the application, and like the first question after basic identification is, "Have you ever been fired or asked to leave a job?"

And now my stomach is full of live squirmy things.

Obviously I'm going to have to process my damned feelings about this thing, even though it was eleven years ago and the company no longer exists¹, because I really can't be in the middle of a job interview and suddenly have a belly full of squirm.

Everything in the whole world sucks.

¹(and even though my preference regarding emotions will be familiar to anybody who ever tried to write in the POV of John Sheppard or Benton Fraser)

Comments

[umbo]

*tons of hugs*

[resonant]

Thank you!

My ability to job-hunt (in a new city, aiming for a new career for which I have experience which is relevant but doesn't look relevant, on a strict timetable not of my own choosing) depends on very carefully refusing to focus on anything but "I will make everything in your workplace just a little less stupid! I am so awesome!" I hate it when things make me look at the tightrope.

[china_shop]

Ugh! Don't you hate how persistent and long-lived those squirmy things can be?! Reminds me of this metaquote.

*HUGS*

[resonant]

I loved that metaquote!

I guess I had been thinking that I could just quietly omit that job from my resume. But the boss who fired me is now working in the same industry as one of the companies I'd really, really like to work for, which means that, even if I don't volunteer the story, I'm going to have to be ready to tell the truth if asked. The best professional advice column I saw on this issue basically said, "If they're asking you, assume it's because they already know the answer."

[norah]

Damn, there goes my idea. I AM ALL ABOUT AVOIDANCE. What is this having to work through shit?

[greyeyes]

Congrats on getting stuff done! I really need to learn how to use Excel.

I'm glad you made this post as I'll be job hunting in a year, if not sooner, and I suddenly realized I was "not re-hired" on an annual contract and may get asked about it. Things to think about. The questions I've not even considered are the *worst*!

[resonant]

Excel is pretty amazing, actually, but I only scratched the surface of what it will do. I mean, in my office I am the Excel power user because I can (1) format an entry to be centered over several cells and (2) print a selection.

I think if I went any further indepth than I needed for this test, I would want to take an accounting class or something. There were things in the book that made me go, "Well, I'm pretty sure I could do that, but I don't understand why I would want to."

> The questions I've not even considered are the *worst*!

This is why I think I ought to apply for this other job even though I don't want it: I need a sense of what to be prepared for, and a chance to practice when there's not much at stake. But I hate it. I hate it so much.

[greyeyes]

Excel confuses the heck out of me, I've only used it to fill in already-formatted spreadsheets so far. But I'd like to move into an office work type job so it'd be good to know *something*.

I need a sense of what to be prepared for, and a chance to practice when there's not much at stake.

That's a really good point and a great idea. But yes, SO TERRIFYING and UGH. I get the worse butterflies, and I suck at talking up myself. "Just hire me, and explain to me what to do, and I'll do it! I'll be great in about a month!"

[out_there]

*sympathies*

Oddly enough, I was talking about this with Mum last night. The topic of dealing with being fired came up on a comedy/advice show "The Agony of Life" and we were talking about experiences of losing jobs. I got fired (well, sat down and given the choice of resigning with 2 weeks pay or being fired with 2 weeks pay), and at the time, I was gutted. It's something I can wryly accept now, but we're talking almost eight years ago and I remember how devasted I was at the time.

*hugs*

[resonant]

Looking back, I really wish I had gone to a counselor, because I started losing my professional confidence about one year into that job (way before I was fired) and it took me years to even begin to regain it.

[out_there]

*nodnodnod* I can understand that too well. I worked there for 18 months, but in hindsight, I should have quit at six month. It wasn't a good environment, my boss was outright insulting and hostile at times, and my personal response to feeling out of my depth was honestly to waste time. It wasn't a good job for me nad I wasn't a good employee in it. (I was a very active fan-writer, though. That went hand-in-hand.)

But, yeah, I lost my confidence for office work for about two years, and it was still another two or three years until I started pursuing my professional career again. It can really knock the wind out of your sails, but it's also a good learning experience. you learn the early signs of not enjoying a job and you learn better boundaries, I think (y'know, behaviour that isn't acceptable from both bosses and yourself, what the warning signs are to start looking for other jobs, what you need to feel engaged and appreciated).

It's like a break-up. Hurtful and devastating at the time, but years later, you can appreciate what you learned from it.

[resonant]

It wasn't a good environment, my boss was outright insulting and hostile at times, and my personal response to feeling out of my depth was honestly to waste time. It wasn't a good job for me nad I wasn't a good employee in it.

Wow, so so very much the same as my experience! As I've thought more about this (imaginary conversations with imaginary interviewers while driving my car -- doesn't everyone do this?), I've come to see that the main lesson for me in this is the importance of not taking the hide-in-the-burrow approach to dealing with (1) change in the workplace and (2) conflict in the workplace.

Well, and the other important lesson is not to take the job working for someone you know to be a weasel with rabies, and if you learn that your boss is a weasel with rabies, to start looking for other work immediately -- but I don't think I'll be sharing that with future interviewers.

[out_there]

Well, and the other important lesson is not to take the job working for someone you know to be a weasel with rabies, and if you learn that your boss is a weasel with rabies, to start looking for other work immediately -- but I don't think I'll be sharing that with future interviewers.

Hee! No, probably not a good idea to mention that little tidbit. Even if it is ABSOLUTELY TRUE.

[blueraccoon]

*hugs* My last job (before my current one) turned toxic thanks to my boss, and after months of it getting worse and worse they finally fired me. Cue two years of unemployment, and since it was both my last job *and* pretty much most of my relevant career experience...it made interviewing oh so much fun. Fortunately I was able to finally find a new job where they listened to my explanation of why the job turned toxic, believed me, and hired me, and now I have fantastic!job (better company, better pay, better everything). But it took two years. (The job market was also markedly worse at this point, so that had something to do with it.)

[resonant]

Oh, it would be so difficult to get past that if it happened early in your career, without other experience to counterbalance it! Glad you found your feet.

[norah]

IDEA: LIE LIKE A RUG. 11 years ago, the company no longer exists, and you're good at what they are asking for. NUNNA THEIR BUSINESS and will keep you from having a gigantic button out there going "PRESS ME" during interviews.

[resonant]

That was my original plan. But the boss who fired me is now working in the same industry as the company I'd really like to work for, so the odds of someone hearing the real story are ... maybe not high, but nonzero. And I sure don't want to find myself in a position where this crap has a chance to wreck me twice.

I told the whole sordid story at lunch today, to make a start in dealing with it. The first thing I discovered was that I was the only person at the table who had only been fired once -- useful perspective! And the Hilarious Bastard suggested tracking down someone who works in human resources and getting advice on how to word things, which I thought was excellent advice.