9. Can anyone else read my laptop screen from here?

[resonant]

Things I'm thinking while reading sex scenes (in ascending order of frequency)

1. Not thinking at all. Laughing, crying, aroused, and elated. OMG. Wow.

2. Eee, this is just what they need! This puts back together the heart that the first part of the story broke. I'm so happy now!

3. This is really well done. Wish I'd thought of it.

4a. What, all that buildup for two paragraphs that don't even tell me what specific act they're doing?
4b. What, two paragraphs of buildup and the entire rest of the story is finger-by-finger detail of sex between two people who are already aware they're in love?

5. Wait, you don't mean to tell me he's going to reward that sort of behavior? Oh, lord, he is.

6. [skim skim skim]

7. Nope. [back arrow]

8. Hm. Other people's arms must be a lot longer than mine are.

Comments

[starfish]

You forgot : You've clearly never actually participated in or witnessed sex in real life, because that's not how human bodies work. Ow.

[carolyn_claire]

AKA: Surely no one outside of Cirque du Soliel is actually that bendy.

[azurelunatic]

Surely no one outside of fanfiction will remain unharmed after sticking THAT in an orifice.

(Crisco aside; Crisco is for fisting, not for condoms.)

[resonant]

My favorite example of this was a story I read long ago in which someone licked someone else's eardrum.

[lian]

Taken at face value, this is the most gruesome thing I've read today.

[resonant]

I'm guessing the writer just sort of stuck her finger in her ear and said, "OK, that must be my eardrum."

[jenna_thorn]

Well, there are some fandoms.... I'm thinking Hannibal?

[resonant]

Bwah! I don't think it counts as a caress when the organ in question is no longer attached to a living body!

[toft]

LOL. I never cease to get tired of the conversations that Hannibal fandom causes.

[retrofit]

eeyurgh. Such an image!

[resonant]

Oddly, Night Vale (where long, prehensile tongues are not even unlikely) hasn't seemed to have thsi problem yet.

[king_touchy]

Oh god, just by writing that out you likely caused exactly that fic to spontaneously exist. The strange extremes of fanfic simultaneously terrify and delight me.

[toft]

... that person surely did not know what an eardrum was.

[via_ostiense]

Ewwwwwwwwww. I mean, aside from the pain--surely sticking things that deep down the ear canal must heart like bejeezus--I imagine it tastes gross.