Nitpicking, again.

[resonant]

Word I don't ever want to read again in a story:

Obsidian.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Comments

[ficklememeer.livejournal.com]

Um....K.

Got an eraser?

Meep.

*wink*

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Alabaster.

[fabularasa.livejournal.com]

I see your alabaster and raise you emerald.

[shoorihoshi.livejournal.com]

I'll see your emerald and raise you platnium.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

And I'm raising you all one "captured his lips." (Even I'm guilty of that one; I've got a "captured his mouth" but then I put a moratorium on it, I swear.)

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

"I'm looking for Doctor Smith; do you know where she is?"

"Try the OB, Sid. Ian, go show Sid where it is."

See? A perfectly acceptable use of "ob-sid-ian."

Although it *is* for a Sex Pistols mpreg story, so...

*g*

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

I could have lived a long and happy life without ever reading the words "Sex Pistols mpreg."

[undeadjournal.livejournal.com]

a Sex Pistols mpreg story

That is officially the funniest thing I've read all day.

I went and looked Obsidian up, and the whole word is a mistake from the start. Merriam-Webster says:

Etymology: New Latin obsidianus, from Latin obsidianus lapis, false manuscript reading for obsianus lapis, literally, stone of Obsius, from Obsius, its supposed discoverer.

So we should all have been using "obsian" anyway, but somebody copied it out wrong a thousand years ago.

Please make "obsious/obvious" jokes. I'm too tired.

[katallison.livejournal.com]

I am now going to write you a casefile story in which the plot turns on a mysterious obsidian ceremonial sculpture whose provenance Fraser deduces by examining its embedded cristobalite crystal patterns. Fraser will say "obsidian" a great deal, and despite his best efforts Ray will be unable to wholly shut him up. Hah.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Promise?

[salazaar.livejournal.com]

*delurks*

Emerald.

Jade.

Porcelain.

And "ebon," which as Tradescant has noted, is not even word.

*relurks*

[salazaar.livejournal.com]

Er, "not even A word"

Sorry.

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

I swear I am not making this up:

Oxford English Dictionary. Ebon (eh-bahn) Adj. 1) Word used by fanfic writers to describe something "black" in just a shade more irritating fashion.

You can't make up stuff like that. *nods*

Actually, it is in the OED; Shakespeare, Spenser, Dryden, and Keats all use it (as well as Terry Pratchett, which is where I picked it up). It's just really annoying, as a word. How hard is it to add the Y?

*grins*

*will stop spamming this post now*

[tradescant.livejournal.com]

O_O

I couldn't have said that, could I? I knew it was a word.

d

[salazaar.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAAAAAAAAA! You just watch, I'll dig those posts up. You made fun, multiple times, of a fic that kept using ebon. I think it was "A Perfect Circle" by Gwendolyn Flight.

<3333333333333333333333333333333

*rubs hands together maliciously*

Anyway, if it is a word, it shouldn't be.

Re: d

[tradescant.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, I remember making fun of those color terms--I've also, in my time, mentioned emerald and obsidian and silver-gilt and amber--but only because I hate using flowery color descriptors to describe characters' eyes.

Although I'm very fond of Young Pea, still. I like to think of Harry's eyes as being that color.

young pea!

[jacquez.livejournal.com]

Oh my. That. Is. Fabulous.

It's better than "new milk".

Re: young pea!

[tradescant.livejournal.com]

OH THERE IS PLENTY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/tradescant/39247.html

Look especially at the end of the comments thread for impromptu fanfic by Minx.

::curious::

[thermidor.livejournal.com]

um, what was obsidian this time? Hair color? eyes?

My personal favorite misused mineral color is lapis lazuli ;)

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Severus Snape's eyes, of course. There seems to be some sort of law that his eyes are never described as anything other than obsidian. (And, yes, it seems to pull the word "orbs" in after it like some sort of bratty snot-nosed younger sister.)

Orbs

[villainny.livejournal.com]

Eew, orbs. I *detest* that. It's just so... I dunno. It makes me think of eyeballs just sitting there, unconnected to anything else, because to me it suggests something spherical.

Eyeballs on a plate.

Hmmm. I think sleep would be an idea right now.

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

But you can make arrowheads and knives out of it, it's terribly useful stuff.

And if you're really lucky, you can attempt to make an arrowhead with it, slice open your palm, and scar yourself for life!

Sam, also avoiding obsidian whenever possible.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Well, hey, if you have a scar on your hand, at least you have the advantage of really confusing palm readers.

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

Nah, the good ones just look at it and say "Ah! I see by your 'palm' that you are quite a clumsy man..." (that is, if they haven't deduced this by the perpetually bruised calves, occasional abrasions from falling off the bike, and razor nicks) :P

[kaiz.livejournal.com]

I think I could live with 'obsidian' as long as it wasn't paired with the word 'orbs'.

Come to think of it, I can handle *any* "color" adjective as long as it doesn't modify the word 'orbs' (as in "jade green orbs", "chocolate brown orbs", "cerulean blue orbs", ad nauseum.)

::eg::

[raincitygirl.livejournal.com]

I agree. The only place I want to see 'orbs' is in reference to an Orb of Thessula. Which means that outside of Buffyfic, it should never be used.

Globes for breasts is worse, though. I've read that and thought "Oh my God, if you're a female writer, peek inside your bra. If you're a male, clearly you've never had sex with a woman, but you could at least buy a magazine to educate yourself."

[notemily.livejournal.com]

Oh man. Think of how much fun it would be to have globes for breasts! They'd be all spinny, and you could pick a vacation spot randomly with your finger, and see what the capital of Albania is! Thanks for the image. :D

[strangerian.livejournal.com]

How about "orbs" for breasts?

*runs away fast*

[raincitygirl.livejournal.com]

Yikes! Okay, thanks. Now I have a TERRIBLE mental image to contend with. Bad person.

[strangerian.livejournal.com]

Sapphire. Cerulean.

Let's just outlaw "orbs" and keep the jewel colors for epics about deranged interior decorators and Benton Fraser.

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

Yes! No orbs. No jewel-tones. No locks or tresses, either.

God help me, someone remove all the Harlequins from these people's lives before I'm moved to violence.

[strangerian.livejournal.com]

You want all-bald characters? And elminating Harlequins will remove all the "sooty lashes" in the universe.

Let's do it.

Suggested color words:
black as Acheron
blue as cheese
green as a frog prince
brown as, um... brown as dirt.

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

You want all-bald characters?

Mmm... a world of Lex Luthors and Jean-Luc Picards....

Ahem.

No, I just want them to have *hair* instead of locks or tresses when they're discussing their own hair.

And elminating Harlequins will remove all the "sooty lashes" in the universe.

Now you're making me all excited.

blue as cheese
brown as, um... brown as dirt.

You kept it cleaner than I would have. *g*

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

Could we get that passed into law?

It should never, ever modify 'hair' (nor any archaic and froufrou synonym for hair that no self-respecting man would *ever* use) again.

[ellen-fremedon.livejournal.com]

Re: orbs, of various colors--

Check out, if you haven't already, the MSTing (http://www.bmsc.washington.edu/people/merritt/books/Eye_of_Argon.html) of "The Eye of Argon," (http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~susan/sf/argon.htm) the worst sword-and-sorcery story ever written.

DO NOT DRINK ANYTHING WHILE READING!

I haven't been able to read the word 'orbs' since without smirking. Or 'gore.' Or 'faucet.' Or 'lithe,' or 'opaque.'

[doll-revolution.livejournal.com]

i want to be your bitch.

i think my "orbs" are bleeding. (but in the good way)

bring forth the eyefork!!

[lexin.livejournal.com]

My votes are for the complete removal of 'Snape Manor', and everything that goes with it, and my perpetual bete noir, 'graduate'.

[jacquez.livejournal.com]

preach it, sistah

[puella-deville.livejournal.com]

Noooo, not Snape Manor! It's my favorite guilty pleasure -- home of the fervid imaginings that I will never ever inflict on the public: Cartoon!Snape stalks home to his

Pemberley-meets-House-of-Usher-
meets-Addams-Mansion-
and-maybe-has-a-batcave-like-Wayne-Manor

ancestral seat. Well, ok, stuff that I won't inflict on the public in more detail than this.

[tinderblast.livejournal.com]

I have to add: turgid in a 'love scene'. I just don't know where to start with that one. It's just so grotesque, and desperately un-sexy.


brodie

[xoverau.livejournal.com]

I was reading a story the other night in which they referred to a German Shepherd's groin area as his "doggyhood".

Next to that, obsidian almost sounds intelligent.

(I was going to say that obsidian paled beside it, but then it would be hematite. Or quartz. Or silvery-ashen. Or something.)

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. God.

I thought "elfhood" was going to win for "going to insane lengths to avoid saying the word 'penis.'" But you win.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

I'm with you on the "obsidian" et al, but I also never need to read the following EVER AGAIN...

"errant lock of hair..." (been guilty of this myself)

"...released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding..." (ditto)

"his/her ministrations..."

"blues" "greens" or "grays" without the word "eyes," as in, "His greens locked onto Fraser's deep blues, and..." What, is Vecchio's salad making a play for Fraser?

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

For some reason I've seen an awful lot of the phrase "oral ministrations."

And every time I see it, I think, "This is sexy to ... anyone?"

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Only to a dentist, mayhaps.
"And with his oral ministrations, he filled her oozing cavity!"

but....but.....

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

....what should the Aztec sacrificial knife be made of, then? Flint is so declasse.

[nostalgia-lj.livejournal.com]

Alabaster.

"molten core"

'ejaculated' in place of 'said'

"luv"

[norah.livejournal.com]

I love the "my fandom has wanking budgies" icon.

How about the word "nave" instead of "naÏve"?

nave 1) n. The central part of a church, extending from the narthex to the chancel and flanked by aisles.
2)n. The hub of a wheel.

Even in otherwise well-written fic. Oy.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

"Ooh, baby!" he ejaculated, thrusting himself into the hot narthex before him.

[rliz.livejournal.com]

Actually, I think that happens often because the auto-archive softwares strip special characters from uploaded stories.

[marycrawford.livejournal.com]

'Buddy'. Any fandom, but particularly Hercules: the Legendary Journeys.

Especially 'little buddy', but 'buddy' by itself will do. Or rather, will not. Ugh.

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Oh, lord. I haven't read any Hercules slash for so long that I had actually blocked out all memory of "little buddy" in any context but Gilligan re-runs.

Sorry for mentioning slash and Gilligan in the same sentence.

[tinderblast.livejournal.com]

It's not terrible per se, but I've seen permutations of 'you're a little overdressed' in so many stories.

'I'm perfectly fine now, but you're wearing too many clothes.'

or

'There's smoething wrong.'

'What?'

'You've got too many clothes on ... '

It's funny the first time.

brodie

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

While I don't disagree with your objection to 'obsidian', what adjectives would or do you use for Snape's eyes? I don't mean to be contrary, just curious.

(tangent: We have a lot of it around the house, and I've always loved that it's really glassy, more brown that solid black, and so strong but easily splintered...)

And I confess to having used obsidian, knowing full well it was a cliche. Rather, Remus used it in his poem, and I can't help it if he's a Harlequin-romantic. *g*

*taking notes on the other words, so that if I use them, it's consciously*

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

I do understand the temptation to rhapsodize on the sexiness of Snape. I just think it needs to be done in character, in voice, and without cliches -- and in moderation.

Most of the time I don't see the point of describing eye color at all. Harry (or whoever the POV character is) might notice what Snape's eyes are doing -- narrowed? wide? heavy-lidded? dilated? -- and he might take note of exactly what Snape is looking at -- Harry's mouth? his own hands? -- but I would think it would be fairly unusual for Harry to take note of what color Snape's eyes were. Never mind compare them to a semi-precious stone. Unless the POV character were a jeweler or an arrowhead-maker, which is a different situation altogether.

If for some reason I wanted Harry describe the physical appearance of Snape's eyes, I might do it with a character-specific metaphor. ("Black as a bludger, Harry thought, and about as yielding.") Otherwise I'd stick with something mundane like "black" or "dark." I would try very hard to stay away from stars, gems, flowers, and other words that are included in the Magnetic Poetry set.

[salixbabylon.livejournal.com]

The more I think about this, the more grateful I am that you've made me think about it. It's so easy so slip into fandom cliches, without even realizing it.

I recently re-read my first fic and am frankly more than a bit embarrassed by a few elements. You are quite right that it's more important to describe what the eyes are doing (actually useful to the story) than their color (just flowery description).

Thanks for opening my eyes! (aquamarine *g*)

[resonant8.livejournal.com]

Oh, lord. It's dangerous to go back and look at your earliest stories! I had to change the coding on mine recently, and I just sort of closed my eyes and typed in the codes and clicked out quickly before I could read them and be embarrassed all over again.

In slash in particular, I think every writer is wrestling (with varying degrees of success) with the temptation to turn every story into An Ode To The Sexiness Of My Beloved Slash Object.